Ambience: No Thought Summer
by Hieda no Akyuu
Summary: I don't need to think. I just need to know.
1. My Name

My name is Destroyer Princess.

Besides that...I really don't have anything else to say about myself. I have a feeling I was never really good at self-introductions...well, it's more that I really don't know a lot about myself yet...as weird as I feel that is to say about yourself.

I woke up today on an island somewhere. Somewhere hot...maybe somewhere near the equator. I don't know where I am. I guess I can just check my GPS, but...my head still hurts a bit, so I just want to take it easy for now. I woke up on a very comfortable bed of straw and clean, torn cloth. It was a lot more comfy than I thought. I almost didn't even want to wake up, because I felt like I was having such a good dream...

...but all I remember from that dream is that I felt like it had a bad ending, so I became a bit scared to go back to sleep.

Midway Princess was the only one with me at first. When I woke up, she told me that the others had gone off to forage for food. She asked me how I was feeling, and I said I was feeling okay, except for a small headache. I also realized that I was missing my legs...I don't even have any knees. This shocked me a lot. I asked Midway why I didn't have any legs, but she wouldn't say. She claimed she didn't know. Something tells me she does. But I don't want to press the issue...she seems like she's my superior.

It feels...strange. I feel really strange. It's like this body doesn't even belong to me. I don't know what's going on, but Midway took good care of me. Her pet Floating Fortresses were also really friendly too. They played with me like they were my pets too. I like them a lot - I asked Midway if I could eventually get some of my own, and she said that it would depend on how strong I would become in the future. I suppose I'll just have to get stronger then.

At first, I was worried when I found out that my legs were missing. I didn't know what I would do to move around, but Midway told me that apparently, I had my own way of getting around. She pointed at my leg stumps, and I saw that there were things like look like fans there that I could control. So I turned them on, and I found out that I can just hover. I can't fly...which kind of sucks. I wish I could fly like airplanes. But hovering is fine too. At least I can get around without having to rely on someone else to move me. That would...just be kind of pathetic by that point, to be honest. Always having to rely on someone else...I couldn't bear to be someone like that.

I had a lot of fun hovering around. The island we're on is very small, and I'd woken up in a little hut that Midway said she and Harbor Princess and Northern Princess and Re-Class had built together, just after noon or around that time. I asked where the others were, namely Harbor Princess, Northern Princess, and Re-Class, and Midway had to explain to me again that they were out foraging for our dinner. My mind is still a bit shaky, so I get the feeling I'll be really forgetful a lot. Anyway, I played a little bit of tag with Midway's Floating Fortresses. They look scary, but they're actually really fun to play with. They like to lick me, especially my arms. Midway explained that for some reason, the Floating Fortresses like the taste of sweat, so they'll always lick it off our skin, herself included. And because their tongues don't salivate unless they want to, it's not like we need to worry about wiping anything off. It's like they're drying us. It's cute.

Harbor, Northern, and Re-Class arrived back home a few hours after I'd woken up. Re-Class is a fun person to be around. She's very cheerful, and she welcomed me to their little group. "Hope the Abyssal life treats ya well!" she said, or something. "Better than - " she also tried to say, but Midway threw one of her Floating Fortresses at Re-Class to get her to shut up. I suppose Re-Class was about to tell me something I shouldn't hear, but I won't ask, since I feel like it'll be rude. Her tail is also quite friendly, just like the Floating Fortresses. It seems like they're good friends with each other, and her tail gave me a friendly lick on the face too.

Harbor is like a big sister to us. Midway treats her like a younger sister, though. I wonder why. The two of them seem pretty older sister-like, though. Maybe it's because they look older. Or is it because of their chest size? Is that it? Does chest size determine who's older among us? I guess I shouldn't put it past me. But regardless, Harbor has huge claws that make her look scary, but she's the friendliest out of everyone I met today. She even offered to feed me our lunch, thinking that maybe I wasn't feeling so well since I just woke up. When I asked what was going on and how I got here and why I don't remember anything before today, Harbor said that I was a new Abyssal ship girl recently constructed to fight against our enemies for the sake of our Admiral. So I asked who our enemies were and who our Admiral was, and Harbor said that everyone and anyone who wasn't an Abyssal was our enemy, and as for our Admiral...it was better if I didn't know who he was. That sounds scary...but at the same time, I don't know if I can fight with my only reason being that everyone is our enemy. I suppose I can fight for the sake of my friends and everyone here who's taken care of me, by the looks of things, but it would be nice if I knew who our Admiral was.

Speaking of which, I don't even know _how_ to fight. What exactly am I supposed to do? Midway said that a couple friends were on their way here to give me my loadout, but I don't even know what it is. She reassured me that I'd know what to do with them when I saw them, but...ugh, there aren't a lot of things that aren't making sense. It's just better to not have to think so hard about things...I'll just go with their word on these kinds of things.

Dinner was delicious. Harbor and Re-Class caught all kinds of wonderful fish for us to eat. But strangely, I don't feel thirsty at all. I thought maybe we would have water somewhere, but it turned out that we didn't need any. Re-Class told me that Abyssals like us don't need to drink water because we desalinate seawater automatically and hydrates us subconsciously. It's like our hearts beating or our breathing, we don't need to think about it and it happens. Apparently. I don't remember spending a lot of time on the water, though, until after dinner.

After dinner I played around with Northern Princess a bit. She likes to call herself Hoppo, and so does everyone else. It's such a cute name. It's better than mine, anyway. Everyone actually calls me "Destroyer Princess". I wish I can get a nickname soon too. Hoppo is a cute little girl, and she was really interested in me, asking me all sorts of questions. I think she just wants to get to know me better, which makes me happy. She asked me how it was possible for me to hover around like I do, which I didn't know how to answer since I don't know how I'm able to do it. Apparently, though, according to Re-Class, Hoppo is the strongest Abyssal we have, and that it's probably our little secret mission to make sure she never falls into the hands of the enemy like several of our other Abyssal sisters before me had.

I found out that I could just water-walk like everyone else. It's a bit awkward for me, since I don't have legs, I'm a lot shorter on water than I am on land, since my hover ability doesn't work on water. But it's alright, it's something I can get used to.

Before we went to sleep, Harbor asked to see my hair, so I let her. After she felt my hair a little, she said that I easily had the best hair out of the Abyssals. Even Hoppo's, which was pretty nice, couldn't compare to mine. I'm not exactly sure how Harbor was able to determine that with those huge claw-like hands of hers, but I didn't ask. But I did feel my own hair for myself. For some reason, it didn't look right. For my hair to be so white...it was a bit unnerving. It's like it was supposed to be another color...like the whiteness of my hair wasn't the result of a natural pigment but because it was the result of another color being drained out. That's what it looks like to me. And my skin, too...was it always this white? Somewhere in the back of my head, something is trying to tell me that I wasn't like this before, but...no matter how hard I try to think about what I might've been like before today, I just can't do it. I really don't remember anything before today.

It scares me that I don't remember anything before today. Maybe this is all just a bad dream too. But if that's the case, when will I wake up? And to who? This feels too real to be just a bad dream. I guess I'll just have to figure things out along the way and find out what exactly is going on and what my purpose really is. I'll try to fit in...for now, for as far as it'll get me. As much as I want to make friends with everyone here and repay them for all that they've done to take care of me, it's all too clear that something is being kept secret from me that absolutely must not be revealed to me, lest something truly dangerous happens. A part of me wants to find out what that is, but another part of me doesn't want to know, that my life will just be ruined even further if such a secret is ever revealed.

Midway seemed to know that I was having some trouble getting used to my situation here, so she sat with me at the shore of the small island as we watched the moon. Tonight is a clear night, so the moon was beautiful to look at. She told me that everything would work out, that I would successfully adjust to my new life with them very soon. "The world will be ours for the taking, the rightful property of us, the Abyssals," she promised, "a world in which we can live in peace. That is why we fight." For such a cause, I guess I can't _not_ fight. Being able to have peaceful, happy nights like this with my new friends and family...it would be wonderful, wouldn't it?

I'll do my best, regardless. It's a bit daunting, but I'm sure everyone can help me make it through, and some day I'll be able to return the favor.


	2. Serenity

A good night's sleep was what I needed, as it turns out. Now the headache I had yesterday is gone, and I think clearly now, which is a relief. I don't like headaches...I feel like they'll put me in a bit of a grumpy mood if they don't go away quickly.

...huh? Shouldn't I know something like that for certain, instead of just "feeling" like it is?

Well...I guess I shouldn't think too hard just yet, I've only just been constructed recently. Midway keeps telling me to take it easy, and I have been as best I can.

We stayed at this island for another day today. Today felt pretty much the same as yesterday - for breakfast, we ate the rest of the leftovers from yesterday's dinner, and after breakfast, I played in the sea with Hoppo while the others disposed of the garbage. Midway, Re-Class, and Harbor all have some sort of special power - when Re-Class started up the fire, her eyes flashed a light purple, and when I asked about it, Re-Class said that all of us Abyssals have the same power, a power called "serenity". Midway and Harbor also showed me theirs, but it seems like it's a common power that we share. Midway put it best when she described it as our latent power source, not like an independent power in and of itself.

"It is what fuels us," she explained. "It is our energy. Do not use it recklessly, otherwise too little of it will cause our bodies to fail."

This serenity must be really important. I asked if I had the same kind of power too, and everyone said yes. Even Hoppo has it, but she has yet to show it. But I don't know how to summon it. As in, Re-Class, Harbor, and Midway all demonstrated their serenity for me, and it appears in the form of a hazy fire that they can emit from any part of their bodies. Re-Class prefers to let her eyes burn, Harbor keeps it on her shoulders, and Midway has body leylines that appear when she focuses. They said that for newly constructed Abyssals, it was hard to manipulate serenity right away. It takes time, they said. The easiest way, they said, for me to gain full and conscious control over my serenity was to get myself in a dire situation in which I needed to draw upon it the most. In other words, a battle.

So logically speaking, most likely Re-Class, Harbor, Midway, and Hoppo probably were all in battles in which they could have lost their lives. Hoppo and Re-Class were, but Midway and Harbor said that they were constructed with control over their own serenities. I guess that should've come as no surprise. They look like very strong Abyssals in themselves.

I honestly feel a bit...useless. Or at the very least, outclassed. Here are four Abyssals like me who are all undoubtedly much stronger than me, taking care of me in my infant days as an Abyssal following my construction and launch. I don't even know the extent of my own power, let alone have the ability to summon my own serenity just yet. I feel like a liability, an obligation. I really hope that I can have a chance to convince myself that this is not the case.

Harbor seemed to sense what I was feeling, even though I was doing my best to hide my feelings. She pulled me aside after they'd cleaned up our breakfast leftovers and assured me that I would become as strong as any of them. She informed me that I was classified as one of the Abyssal "capital" ship girls, or in other words, one of the strongest Abyssals. We were the ones designed to be strong enough to effectively combat the ship girls, our worst and deadliest enemies that stood in our way of making the world a safer place for ourselves, against the oppression of all the world's governments and whatnot.

While Harbor's words were reassuring and comforting to hear, something tells me that even she's not sure if she's saying something right. Oppression? From whom? Maybe I haven't experienced enough of the world to really know what she's talking about, but if there's something I haven't felt these past two days, it's oppression. Maybe I do feel a bit uncomfortable still around everyone since I've only awoken yesterday, but oppression? We're being oppressed? By whom? If that's true, I won't hesitate to defeat them. But the problem is, Harbor didn't sound too convincing. Maybe that's just how she is. Harbor is always nice to us. She never seems threatening, out of everyone here. She's like everyone's mother, although Re-Class always makes fun of her chest size and her huge hands, which I think is mean and rude, but Harbor doesn't seem to take much offense to it, and neither does anyone else.

This time, for lunch, Midway suggested that I go with Harbor and Re-Class to take Hoppo's place, since Hoppo went yesterday. So I tagged along, hoping that I wasn't just going to be dead weight. We didn't go very far, as Re-Class apparently has very keen senses and could track schools of edible fish swimming with the currents underneath us and used her tail to scoop out lots of fish at once for Harbor to catch with her huge hands. For as much as Re-Class seems to like making fun of Harbor because of her stranger bodily features, they work really well together. I suppose when they need to, they have quite the synergy. I'm not quite sure what to make of their relationship. Maybe it's just benign after all.

Re-Class told me to try to use my Abyssal senses to get used to moving around with my new body while she and Harbor was fishing for our food today for lunch and dinner. But she didn't go into detail about how I would go about using my new Abyssal senses, so I just tried experimenting around myself. I thought maybe I needed to use my on-board radars or sonar to track them, but I found out that fish aren't considered significant enough entities to be tracked on sonar or radar. So maybe like a sixth sense, then. It took me about an hour before I finally started to get a feel for what Re-Class was talking about. These "Abyssal senses" are just like a sixth sense of sorts, but I guess it's something that I need to train myself to get good with. I was able to sort of know where the fish were going, but not all the time. It's a start, though. Hopefully I can train and make my Abyssal senses stronger over time, and quickly, too.

But...get used to my "new" body? Wouldn't that imply that I had a different body before? Am I thinking too hard about these words that I'm hearing? Maybe...or maybe not...

When we were done fishing, we met with the friends that Midway mentioned would be coming today. Ta-Class, Ru-Class, Anchorage Princess, Airfield Princess, and Aircraft Carrier Demon came along with lots of Abyssal destroyer escorts to join us for another day on our little island. I don't think it's big enough to really hold everyone, but everyone made do. The newcomers all fawned over me, saying how wonderfully I turned out. It was embarrassing, but at least they acknowledge my presence and have faith in me as a welcome member in their family. And when I say family, I do mean a family. Everyone gets along, by the looks of things. Even the destroyers made their way onto shore and rolled around with the Floating Fortresses on the hot afternoon sand. I spent a lot of time myself with Ta-Class, who told me as much as she could about how it feels being a new Abyssal. I really like Ta-Class. She's the most sisterly out of the new Abyssal girls I met today. It's nice to know that I know someone whom I can consult whenever I'm having trouble.

As Midway had promised, Ru-Class gave me my equipment. It turned out to be two of the destroyers that had escorted them. No wonder I thought they looked a bit different from the rest. These destroyers are apparently specially constructed destroyers that are specifically meant for me. When I want them to, they latch onto the two ports on my waist rigging and lock themselves in and become my weapon turrets. Once they lock themselves into my rigging, all of our minds are connected together so the destroyers know what I am thinking and I know what they are thinking. To my surprise, the destroyers can talk to me when they are in this state. Their voices are kind of cute, frankly. I knew that the destroyers, while they can't talk themselves, understand language and know how to take orders, but I didn't expect my destroyer turrets to be able to communicate with me. Maybe mine are just special. I tried asking them if the other destroyers had voices like theirs, but they said that most likely they don't, they just know what each other are saying all the time anyway. So maybe they are special destroyers meant just for me. I feel pretty happy - if anything, these destroyer turrets that make up my equipment make me feel kind of special. Ru-Class also brought me an attachment for my left arm, my torpedo launcher, and that's basically it for my equipment. I suppose I can't complain with this. After all, I'm just a destroyer, too.

After dinner, Midway gathered everyone around the fire to explain our next mission. Right now, our current position is 50 kilometers east of Kikaijima Island. We have been tasked with the objective of discovering where the Japanese naval bases are located, and our timeline limit is five days. Within five days, we must discover every single major Japanese naval base that houses parts of the Moebius Four Platoon, which is the name of the fleet of the infamous ship girls that I have heard so often are our enemies.

That name sure sounds familiar. Where did I hear that from again?

We have decided to split ourselves up into small patrol groups to both minimize the chances of us being discovered by Japanese self-defense forces and maximize the chances of us discovering potential naval bases of the Platoon. Our orders are strictly to find and report the coordinates of the locations we believe are the bases of our enemies. Once we confirm the locations of those bases and determine how many of such bases exist, we will then coordinate an assault against those locations to cripple the Platoon's strength and ability to launch their ship girls against us.

I feel a bit excited that I'll be going on my first mission with everyone. Everyone seems strong, powerful, and able to make up for any mistake that I feel like I'll make. I still feel nervous, though, because the possibility of failure is always there because of me, me being the least experienced out of everyone by far. They said that I'll be just fine when we go in, but I'm not taking any chances. I don't want to be the reason why this mission fails, even if I can't help it. I want to get strong, just like everyone else, and quickly.

But just now, Ta-Class came to me before we went to sleep for the night and informed me that for this mission particularly, I was especially vital. According to Ta-Class, I'm apparently the only one among us Abyssals who is capable of reading encrypted airwaves of our enemies. When I asked why I was the only one who could do this, Ta-Class replied that I had been constructed with special equipment using data salvaged from the Abyssals' former engagements with the Platoon for the past four months, and that this particular equipment was so sophisticated that I had been chosen to be the one to load it onto my systems. I could not afford to be lost now, just after my construction, to our enemies, and therefore, Ta-Class and Re-Class, two of our strongest ship girls, are to escort me tomorrow to make sure I am not lost.

This is making me nervous...


	3. No Friends, Only Survivors

Today was a busy day, as I anticipated it to be. We awoke before the sun was even up to deploy, and we made our way north.

As promised, Ta-Class and Re-Class was among my big escort group. But they weren't the only ones - we had a Chi-Class, a Ri-Class, a Ha-Class, a Ho-Class, five destroyers, and even a Nu-Class light carrier. Initially I didn't know why so many people were coming with me. I thought that maybe we'd been assigned to the wrong group, but Ta-Class corrected me, telling me that this whole group was to be my escort force. I felt a bit flattered...I don't understand why my escort troop should be this big. So Ta-Class had to remind me what she'd told me yesterday, that I was extremely valuable and that because of my recent construction, I naturally wouldn't be as experienced in combat as the others already are, so I would need lots of combat assistance if we ever had to fight.

I guess that's understandable. But there's still a part of me that wants to tell everyone that no one will care if I do end up sinking. Whoever constructed me can probably use what little data I've managed to accumulate before my sinking to build a better version of me anyway. But I keep that part of me shut up - that's not something I should just say out loud, obviously.

Our search route for the first day took us from our little uncharted home island fifty kilometers east of Kikaijima Island up to the southern counties of Japan, from Tosashimizu near Kochi to Yaizu in Shizuoka. We sailed within thirty kilometers of the coast and followed it up north. At first, I didn't understand why we were coming so close to enemy territory. In fact, we may as well have considered ourselves already in it. But Re-Class explained that so long as we kept ourselves in stealth cruising mode, conventional enemy military hardware can't detect us, a perk of having human-like bodies that don't emit big enough radar signatures to be worth picking up. Our own radars and sensors are strong enough to easily detect any human vessel, military or civilian, well before they had any idea we were near, as I quickly found out once we entered Japanese waters. In addition, even if humans ever did spot us, so long as they were not aware of our existence or identity, they would simply mistake us for some kind of sea life or aliens, even, and no one would believe them. So we were free to roam the waters as long as we avoided naval escort we might come across.

Ta-Class told me that our only real danger was running into said naval escorts, since the humans' modern technology is still quite formidable if we do not give them the proper battle respect they demand. When I asked why, Ta-Class explained to me that about a month and a half ago, she and Re-Class had purposely allowed themselves to be captured by the enemy ship girls to be taken to their main base of operations. In battles prior to their fake capture, we Abyssals saw multiple occasions in which some of our comrades were being captured as live specimens, never to be seen again. We don't know where they've been taken to or what's become of them, because when Re-Class and Ta-Class were taken to the Platoon's base at Okinawa, they didn't see any of the others who had been captured before them. This means that they've been taken somewhere, and Ta-Class told me that she wants to know where they've been taken so that we can invade that place and set our captured comrades free. The humans most likely haven't killed them, for the humans are probably more interested in keeping them alive for study, since that's how humans are. At least, that's what the popular belief is among us. Once they were about to be flown to wherever place that they were going, Ta-Class and Re-Class realized that they were being flown West, so wherever our comrades are being held prisoner, it is to the West, perhaps somewhere in America. And once their transport vehicle was flying over our initial home territory of Koprulu, the two of them attacked and destroyed the vehicle to return home, and after Koprulu was destroyed, they led a vengeful counterattack against the same base that had housed them prisoner from before. And now, because of that ambush Ta-Class and Re-Class led against that base, the defensive forces of the rest of Japan is now on high alert, so directly approaching any naval base, should we stumble upon one, is very dangerous business indeed.

While we were sortieing, I noticed that everyone else in my escort group got along well together, but when it came to me, they treated me very...professionally, I guess is the word. They were stiff and formal whenever I talked to them or they talked to me. Ri-Class and Chi-Class even addressed me as "Princess", even though they're probably stronger than me. It's like I have this irremovable atmosphere of respect that I am subconsciously demanding of them, and I don't like it. I want to be good friends with everyone too. I don't want to be treated like a princess; I want to be treated like a friend and a comrade. But I don't have the courage to tell them, because I feel like if I do, they'll just refuse and insist on addressing me like they've always done. Since Ta-Class and Re-Class treat me like one of them, perhaps not as a friend but as a comrade, I feel like I have more liberty to speak with them about what I want.

So that's what I did - I talked to Ta-Class about it while Re-Class's recon planes were scouting out the coast for any potential naval bases. I asked her why I was constructed to be a "princess", if that even meant anything at all, and not as just a regular destroyer or something. Ta-Class repeated to me that I was special, that I was a unique Abyssal among them. I could tell she was trying her best to be patient with me, and I felt bad, so I apologized to her for asking. She said it was okay, though, that it wasn't my fault for asking a lot of questions. I was just constructed the other day, after all.

She explained to me that it was just how the naming scheme went for us Abyssals, for the capital girls, anyway, like me. I was considered a capital Abyssal ship girl; therefore, I had "princess" as part of my name. Therefore, the other Abyssals were compelled to address me as such, since I was a crucial asset for them. It was just how things were. If I wanted to try to change the status quo, Ta-Class said that by all means within my power, I could try to change it so that I could be everyone's friend, but it was going to be naturally tougher for me because of my elevated rank among us Abyssals. Some of the other capital ship girls, like Midway and Harbor, had already overcome that barrier because of their atmospheres of being sisterly and motherly, and I didn't look like I had the same potential, so I would have to try extra hard to somehow convince everyone that I wanted to be more than someone they all called "princess".

I suppose I'll try. But the way Ta-Class worded it, she made it sound like I didn't have much of a chance to pull it off.

Then, I asked Ta-Class if she was willing to treat me as a friend and not just as a Destroyer Princess. She said that as much as that sounded nice, our lives as Abyssals would never be stable enough to make such a relationship worth it. As all the battles against the ship girls of the Platoon over the past five months had proved, anyone could die at any time. In fact, that was just how everyone felt. There were notable exceptions, of course, but those were mainly limited to the capital Abyssals like me, because we were naturally a lot stronger than everyone else and could afford to take the time to get to know each other and make friends with each other.

"Having friends is a human concept," Ta-Class determined, "something that for us Abyssals, we don't need. We only need to rely on our comradeship if we ever feel the need for companionship."

So then I asked Ta-Class, since she is a seasoned veteran so far in this war against the Platoon's ship girls, if she's ever felt saddened by a comrade's death.

"I shouldn't ever feel sad about a comrade dying," Ta-Class told me. She sounded bitter about it, too. "None of us should. That's our one defect as Abyssals...for some reason, we still exhibit human-like emotions. And there aren't veterans in war - only survivors."

Hearing that makes me want to be friends with Ta-Class. She sounds like she's been through a lot and is somewhat bitter towards everything, and I don't want her to feel that way.


	4. Cheeseburger?

We have located the coordinates of a possible launching point for the enemy Platoon. Upon further investigation, it appears the site we have discovered is called the Yokosuka Naval Yards. A few of Ta-Class's Abyssal reconnaissance planes picked up several large warship signatures and stumbled upon several modernized destroyers docked in the harbor of the Yokosuka Naval Yards, and judging by the pictures that they took and sent back, we now know the names of those destroyers. They are the J.M.S.D.F. _Samidare_ , the J.M.S.D.F. _Kirishima,_ and the J.M.S.D.F. _Takanami._

But now, after being told the names of the destroyers, this whole day I have felt a sting in my heart and my mind. A very light sting, a pain I can easily ignore.

But the fact still stands: I have heard these names before. I remember them slightly - I do not know when and where I have heard them, but nevertheless, I feel as though I ought to remember them.

This alarms me for a multitude of reasons. First, _why_ do I remember them? According to my peers, I have only recently been constructed not even a few days ago. My life has merely started. So remembering such names - especially _Samidare_ and _Kirishima_ \- would directly contradict the fact that I was recently constructed. It means that I am carrying faint traces of memories of a time before my construction, implying that...perhaps...maybe I had another life before this. The only other possible explanations for my remembering of such names that I probably should not be remembering are that perhaps during my construction stages, the memory files of someone else accidentally became merged with mine or that there is a severe glitch in my memory files that are triggering such feelings of...

...well, I don't even know how to describe such feelings. All I feel is a slight poke of pain, but as stated before, I can easily ignore it.

But this is the second reason: why am I able to ignore it so easily in the first place? Such a pain - clearly, it is abnormal. It is not a scratch, a cut, a bruise, a wound - it is not something that makes me physically hurt and bleed. It is not an internal malfunction, either, I have already run the necessary diagnostic programs to help me identify this pain, but they have come up with nothing. The very fact that I can treat it as a negligible glitch in my system makes me oddly off-put, for I get the feeling that this pain is not something that should be able to be ignored like it is nothing.

Third, the existence of this pang of pain, if it is truly indicative of a life I may or may not have had before this one, will destroy my life as it is right now. It will mean that there is a chance that everything my new friends here in the Abyssal fleet have told me thus far is not true, that there really is something that is being hidden from me, as I thought might have been the case, judging by how Harbor and Midway were acting towards me the first two days of my life.

I don't want my life to be destroyed. I want to be able to get along with everybody and get to know everybody, even if Ta-Class says that I shouldn't bother trying to due to most Abyssals' relatively short lifespans compared to mine. Harbor, Midway, everyone - well, Re-Class is special - but everyone is very kind to me and give me little reason to resent them or hate them or not like them. They're all like big sisters to me, and Hoppo is like a little sister to me. There is a concrete sense of family amongst us all, even if it is not spoken explicitly. Either that, or it is a sense of comradeship that is so strong that it feels a little bit like family-ness. And I, too, wish to join them. I don't want to be left out. I, too, want to become a reliable, sociable member of this fleet.

But at the same time, I can't help myself when I say that I am starting to feel quite curious about my situation. I want to know the answers, but simultaneously, I do not. Or perhaps an even better question is, is this kind of thing even something that I myself should consciously find the answers for, or is this the kind of thing whose answers will come with due time? It has greatly worried me today after we disengaged from our search for today in order to patrol the waters nearby and continue to monitor the activities over the Yokosuka Naval Yards.

I have not revealed my thoughts to anyone else so far. But I feel that there is no point in me trying to ask for help about this particular problem. Let us assume that there truly is something being hidden from me, something that I must not know about myself. Most likely, the elder capital Abyssal sisters should and would know about it, and most likely, because it is being kept secret, they would be obligated not to divulge such information to me. So asking is pointless - this seems like a futile effort trying to understand from my own peers.

Which would mean that the only other likely course of action that will otherwise show me the answers that I may or may not want to seek is to approach the enemy itself.

But I don't want to do that. Not so soon, not right now. I want to enjoy my life right now as it is. I don't want to risk the possibility of my life being shattered just as soon as it has begun, because...that just seems so cruel. What have I done to deserve such a fate? If whatever secrets I hold in myself do prove to be so destructive in that it will ruin my life as it is now, then I think that bonding with everyone here as much as possible will lessen the damage that they will deal.

So tonight, as we docked in the middle of the sea to avoid the nighttime patrols of the Japanese navy, I approached Ta-Class and asked her if it was okay to talk to her. She asked me what I wanted to talk about, and thankfully, since I anticipated her not really wanting to talk to me, I came prepared with a topic at hand. I asked her what her favorite food was.

Ta-Class gave me a surprised kind of reaction that told me that she did not anticipate such a question from me at all. She asked me if I was feeling alright, and I insisted that I was. I told her directly that I wanted to get to know her more, and it would put my mind at ease if I was able to talk to someone like her like this, at least for a little bit.

"You shouldn't be doing this, Princess," Ta-Class told me.

But then, when I pointed out that she said that I could try making friends, Ta-Class had to eat her words. Otherwise, she would be contradicting herself in front of me, a higher-ranked Abyssal. It seems that Ta-Class can't bring herself to disobey me.

She told me her favorite food was a human food called a cheeseburger.

I don't know what a cheeseburger is, so I asked her to explain. Ta-Class said that before Koprulu was overrun, she'd met our Admiral in person, and he had a box of these things called cheeseburgers for her and other Abyssals who were paying him a visit, and he urged them to eat. So she did, and that was the only time she ever had the chance to eat this magical food called a cheeseburger. Ta-Class said that it was a food like no other - eating it was both a pleasure and a sin. It was filled with so many artificial ingredients that would degrade human bodies if they ingest too much of it, but at the same time those artificial ingredients were what made it taste so good. She said that the meat was thick and rich and lingering, vastly opposite of the light and fluffy texture of cooked fish that melts in your mouth. The flavors of the two buns made of bread, the melted cheese, the lettuce, and tomato all synergized together to create an odd yet fulfilling and addicting taste that Ta-Class said that she couldn't ever forget. She explained that the Abyssals' diet mainly consists of seafood, considering how often we are out at sea, so it is just logical to derive our food straight from the sea as well, since most of us can sense the movement and location of fish and other surface marine life. The fact that this cheeseburger food was so different and unlike anything she'd ever tasted before made such a vivid memory in her mind that she found it hard to ignore, and ever since then, the vividness of that memory has made seafood taste a bit more bland than before.

"But it's a human food," Ta-Class said a bit bitterly, like she was regretting eating it in the first place. Apparently, this food called a cheeseburger is a human-manufactured food. She said that we Abyssals shouldn't be eating foods that are the direct products of humans, since that would go against our whole doctrine of waging war against them. But even as she said that, I could tell by the look in her eye that she still wanted to have another bite of this so-called cheeseburger.

So tonight, I learned that Ta-Class likes a human food that goes by the name of "cheeseburger". By the sounds of it, it doesn't seem like something we can make with seafood. A part of me wants to help Ta-Class by somehow procuring for her another one of these cheeseburgers, but obviously, given that it's a human food, my best chance of acquiring one would have to be by heading inland, which I obviously cannot do without incurring too great a risk on myself and the rest of my comrades. Still, it surprises me a little bit and amuses me a little bit to know that one of Ta-Class's fondest memories is of her eating something called a cheeseburger. I found myself smiling at that fact, which Ta-Class noticed and sharply asked me what was so funny.

"I-It's not like I _want_ to remember something like that..." she snapped at me. "Can you blame me for remembering something that was so different? Please stop smiling at me like that, Destroyer Princess."

I like Ta-Class. At first, when I first met her two days ago, I thought, judging by her expression when I first met her, that she was someone who took her work very seriously and had little time for much else. Indeed, that was the image I feel she was trying to sell to me yesterday, so I thought that maybe I would have a tough time getting to know her and hopefully, one day, get to the point where we can consider one another friends. I didn't expect my efforts to go so smoothly today. And I thought Ta-Class would put up more resistance to my efforts - it's not like she didn't know what I was trying to do. Perhaps she, too, wants someone else to call a friend? I'm not sure. But whichever the case, I want to continue to get to know Ta-Class. First her, then maybe Ri-Class and Chi-Class...

I'm not sure what I'll do with Re-Class yet. She seems to be off in a world of her own, so I think I'll wait on her a little while.


	5. Battleships

Re-Class has detected the arrival of many of the ship girls from the Platoon with her Abyssal recon plane, and Ta-Class used hers to double-check and confirm. They reported nearly thirty enemy ship girls get flown in from further inland into the Yokosuka Naval Yards about an hour before midday.

Re-Class wanted to go in there and trash the naval yards immediately; however, Ta-Class waved her down, saying that our escort force, while we had the potential to score big damage, was not sufficient enough taking on a force of ship girls that large. Re-Class insisted, arguing that lots of those ship girls were girls she did not recognize while she was kept captive at the base at Okinawa or while she and the other Abyssals were fighting the Platoon for the months prior to her capture and therefore were most likely novice ship girls with nowhere near as much combat experience as the few ship girls she did recognize. However, Ta-Class pointed out that just because the base at Okinawa was the one they had known before their ambush on that same base didn't mean that the Japanese navy didn't have other bases also training ship girls just like that one. Maybe this particular base was another such base that we'd never discovered before until now because we the Abyssals had always stayed within the boundaries of our home sector and never wandered far from it for the sake of letting our forces build up in number, so these "novice ship girls" that Re-Class was talking about could actually turn out to be just as experienced and trained like the veterans.

Besides, Ta-Class said, it was better to communicate these news to the rest of our comrades also scouting around the coast of Japan like we were and relaying this information to our Admiral. But that got me wondering: how were we supposed to communicate with our Admiral, exactly? When I asked Ta-Class this, she simply took one of her Abyssal reconnaissance planes and sent it flying, and it began flying further west. I asked Ta-Class where it was going, and she said that it was going to fly to the Admiral, who should be somewhere in Europe.

Is it even possible for a reconnaissance plane like that to fly such a great distance...? That is almost halfway around the world, isn't it...?

Eventually, however, the argument between Ta-Class and Re-Class regarding what sorts of actions we ought to take became so heated that in the end, Ta-Class urged me to step in and tell Re-Class to stand down, because technically I, as a capital Abyssal ship girl, wield the highest order of command in our escort group. Because I trust Ta-Class's judgment (and because I want to use this as leverage to gain Ta-Class's favor and strengthen my relationship with her as a friend), I agreed and told Re-Class to please be patient for a while, so that took care of that. Re-Class accused me of becoming chummy with Ta-Class and accused Ta-Class of becoming a softie and hypocritical Abyssal trying to make friends with a capital Abyssal like me, which got Ta-Class quite angry. So we spent the day holding position in the bay and observing our enemy's activities in the naval yards.

The enemy ship girls, according to Re-Class and Ta-Class controlling their reconnaissance planes, spent about six hours training in the ways of naval combat in the waters in front of the harbor. It appeared that a few of the ship girls were commanding the rest of the fleet, as though they were in charge of the rest as instructors or something of the like. Ta-Class gave me a description of them, since it would be important to target them first should we indeed receive the order to attack these naval yards. There were two of this kind of ship girls, one with long, sweeping gradient blue hair in a white and blue uniform and another with medium-length black hair, hair flaps, and a black-red uniform.

I felt that pain again today when I started to think more and more about how Ta-Class described those particular ship girls. Long, sweeping gradient blue hair, and a white-blue uniform? Medium-length black hair with hair flaps, black-red uniform? Those were quite specific details, no matter how I look at it. Just like the names of those modern military destroyer warships docked at those same naval yards, I feel a small sense that somehow, I should be able to recognize such descriptions...

Most importantly of all...blue hair...long blue hair...Samidare...long...blue...hair...white-blue...uniform...

Something is clicking in my head. I can feel it. But...I don't remember it all yet. All I know is that those things...have something to do...with each other...

Now that I sit here on the water watching the cloudy night sky, I almost wish that I instead went with Re-Class's suggestion to invade the enemy naval yards just so that I can see for myself who those ship girls whom Ta-Class described are. Maybe...if I take a look at their faces...

After the enemy ship girls finished their training and flew back to whence they came, Re-Class sent her Abyssal recon plane after it to track it down to whichever base they had come from, since it was clear that the Yokosuka Naval Yards are not the exact base that these ship girls are residing in. However, Re-Class discovered that her recon plane ran out of fuel shortly after it began to fly after the ship girls' helicopters, and she couldn't send another one after it, since the helicopters were already getting out of range. Ta-Class scolded her for neglecting to switch out her recon planes properly like she was supposed to, saying that because of her, we lost a golden opportunity to pinpoint the exact coordinates of a potential enemy Platoon base. I calmed Ta-Class down, saying that this must not be the only such occasion where the ship girls come to train; surely they will come back, because if they have flown back inland for the day after their training, this must mean that their home base must be somewhere land-locked with no easy access to the sea, explaining why they must be flying all the way out here just to train. Ta-Class agreed with me that we should wait, since we needed to wait for a reply from our Admiral and the rest of our comrades' squadrons around Japan as well.

In light of the heated argument between Ta-Class and Re-Class earlier today, I asked Ta-Class what kind of relationship she had with Re-Class. Ta-Class wasn't willing to tell me at first, but I kept asking her gently, hoping that she would relent eventually, and I think I got kind of lucky that she finally did give in and tell me. I think she would have felt bad if she rejected me when I had helped her get what she wanted in having Re-Class back down from her aggressive approach to dealing with our enemies today. Ta-Class said that she and Re-Class had been built at the same time, along with Ru-Class, the other battleship girl. So because of this, oftentimes they were sent out to sortie together, so much so to the point where whenever one of them was called, the other would instinctively follow to join. Kind of like inseparable sisters who don't like each other but always tag along with the other anyway. I think it's kind of cute.

Ta-Class did say, however, that Re-Class was by far the most powerful Abyssal ship girl ever constructed who wasn't classified as a capital Abyssal type. She said that Re-Class would easily be able to defeat me as I was now, even though I was apparently considered still very powerful for someone with very little actual combat experience thus far. This fact Ta-Class respected and admired, since apparently Re-Class has shown this many times already. And while Re-Class has a rather annoying personality and always takes things at her own pace, Ta-Class said that Re-Class, while wild in battle, can be a good friend and cares for her comrades with whom she fights - so long as her whimsical nature decides that it's worth her time and effort to help her friends out, that is.

Ta-Class said that should anything happen to herself, it would be wise if I stuck close to Re-Class. Even if she did seem childish and whimsical most of the time, she can get serious whenever she knows she needs to. There was nothing Re-Class couldn't defeat.

Those two must be very close to each other in ways I don't quite understand yet. I want to know, but at the same time I don't - I feel like this is a relationship that is better off observing from afar and observing for myself without prying into their business.


	6. Fear

We spent the entirety of today still awaiting response from our Admiral. I caught myself feeling slightly impatient. I should know better - it is not as though one of our recon planes, as valiant as they are, can reach the other side of the world in just a day or two. Perhaps our answer will come tomorrow. We have communicated successfully with the other squadrons, so they will rendezvous with us here, depending on the orders we receive from the Admiral.

Then again, considering how well we Abyssals can communicate to each other, why cannot we do the same with our Admiral? I haven't even had the chance to meet him.

So on this topic, I spoke to Ta-Class. I asked her about the Admiral, since she mentioned him the other day when she was talking about that human food called cheeseburgers. But to my surprise, Ta-Class declined to comment. Just the mention of him seemed to make her face go sour. And when I tried to press the issue because I was curious, both about the Admiral and about Ta-Class's reaction to the Admiral, Ta-Class implored me to get off her case. So out of respect, I disengaged from the conversation and apologized. As much as I am curious, as much as I still want to learn as much as I can about my new friends and comrades, I don't want to alienate Ta-Class. I don't want to lose a friend I just made.

I don't want to turn a friend into an enemy, for that is my greatest fear.

It's interesting, isn't it. You would think that people like me, like us Abyssals and, to a certain extent the ship girls who are our enemies, would fear death the most, for we must face it on a daily basis; it is what makes up our lives the most, ironically enough. I must profess to say that death does not scare me. It honestly doesn't, and as much as I want to give a reason as to why, I can't. I just...don't fear it. It is as if I feel as though I have accepted my fate already, that my purpose in life, the reason why I have been constructed, is to fight and die in battle. Death comes to everyone eventually, even us Abyssals. We are not immortal - at least, not the last time I checked or knew. Nothing is. Therefore, I think that there is no reason to fear it. I suppose the only reason why you would is _how_ your death will come. But given my status as a Destroyer Princess and my status as an Abyssal fighting a war, my most likely death will come in the form of fire, artillery, and drowning. I suppose I can say that I do not fear death because I can predict what my death will be, and I can control when my death will come with my own skill and ability to adapt to changing tides of combat.

So that is why that is my greatest fear, the fear of turning a friend against myself.

And I began to think about this more. Why is it that I have such a...a...a petty fear? To me, it isn't so petty. I truly fear turning someone who is supposed to be my friend and ally against me. Maybe she will not harm me, but I do not want a comrade who is aloof to me, because then I will feel alone. I don't want to feel alone. Therefore, I want to do everything I can not to feel alone - and the best way to thwart this is to make friends. And the easiest source of friends that I can make is out of those I call comrades. And should a comrade become an enemy in the sense that they turn against me, whether or not because of my intervention, I will feel as though I have failed. And I don't want to feel like a failure.

I mention this because normally, the fear of death should trump the fear of making enemies. Should I communicate with the destroyers and ask them what they fear most, they will say that they do not want to die. They fear death. They want to live, fight, and play. Life is most important to them, because they want to enjoy all that life has to offer. Perhaps we can say that our destroyers are technically lesser life forms than us capital Abyssals or even any Abyssal light cruiser and up, but I don't like to refer to the destroyers like that because...well, I like the destroyers. They are always very nice to me. Plus, my name is "Destroyer" Princess. It is only natural I would like my fellow destroyers. So I do not like to put myself any higher on the Abyssal tech tree than my fellow destroyers. Then again, if I keep talking about this, I would eventually have to question myself in the respect that I probably shouldn't have the "Princess" part in my name.

Is that it, then? Is it because Abyssals like me and the others like Ta-Class and Re-Class are more complex beings than our fellow destroyers? Is it because we have desires beyond the simple desires of our fellow destroyers who are perfectly content with simply _living?_ Is that it, then, that we want more than just that? That we want more than just to win this war that we are fighting? If so, what is it? Whatever it is, I can safely say that one of the reasons why our fear - at least, mine - is something other than the base fear of death is because the things we want are different.

But then, that would imply that there is a certain..."hierarchy" of fears. Like there is a sort of value attached to different kinds of fears. The destroyers' fear of death is the base, the lowest, and my fear of losing friends and making enemies is somehow higher and has more value attached to it, whatever that means. Like it is more honorable to have a fear that isn't just a fear of death, because if you have that kind of fear, you are seen as a coward. Or perhaps there is more effort involved in solving different kinds of fear. To escape your fear of death, all you need to do is make sure you don't die. It's simple. But to avoid the fear of making enemies out of friends, there is a lot more involved and invested.

But if I'm going to go on and on about this kind of thing, I need to ask myself: because I am naturally close to the destroyers, why can't I be content with the friendship of the destroyers? They are willing to listen to me. They are always willing to spend time with me. And most of all, they value my companionship. They offer me everything I value in a friendship. They are my friends. So why can't I be sated? Why can't my desire to make friends be happy with just that?

While I can't answer this myself comprehensively enough just yet, I can say that I feel as though destroyers can't be...true friends. While they adore me and love to be with me, they do not offer what a real friendship can offer. At least, not the kind that I seek. Communication with them is somewhat limited, because their thoughts are simple and sweet and adorable. They ask me things like "Are you okay?" "What are you feeling?" "Let's play!" "What's for dinner?" "You should sleep, you look tired." While I love them and their concern for me, I most value conversations like the ones I had with Ta-Class. Deeper conversations, conversations that make me think.

But if I put it this way, wouldn't that just seem like the only reason why I want friends is because I want to have deep conversations with them? That sounds lame, even to me. I don't want to feel like I'm just using other people for my own shallow entertainment. I also do not want to make myself come across as ungrateful, that I view my friendship with the destroyers as annoying or needless. I do value my destroyer friends, I really, truly do. I cannot ignore them for the amount of concern they show for me. But I guess I can say that if possible, I'd like a little more. The companionship and tenderness of the destroyers, while also having the intellectual capacity as someone like Ta-Class...that would be my dream friend, the best comrade in the world.

But then, now that I think about it even more, I now realize why I have my fear, my fear of losing a friend. If I make a friend that I want, I would then have a chance to lose that friend. Therefore, it is terrifying to think what kind of paradox I am putting myself into. If I get a friend, I will fulfill my desire, but at the same time, I put myself at risk of fulfilling my fear. And if I stay as I am now, I may not necessarily have to worry about my fear being fulfilled, but my desire is left wanting. And worst of all, if I lose a friend, my fear will be fulfilled, and my desire will be cut short.

Then I must ask myself: is my fear stronger than my desire? Or is my desire stronger than my fear? And is either of them compelling enough for me to act upon it, or am I just simply too scared of what the future or my actions will hold in store for me?

The destroyers are sensing that I am troubled. I-Class, Ro-Class, Ha-Class, and Ni-Class - they have all come up to me and are asking me what's wrong. I tell them that nothing is wrong, that I am just spending some time thinking about things. The destroyers are persistent; they want to know what I am thinking so they can share my burden. But Ro-Class puts it best:

"We aren't as smart as you are, so we'll try our best to understand."

It pains me to know that the destroyers are so eager to help, yet are limited mentally. I would love to tell them what is on my mind, my deepest thoughts. To have someone to confide to like that, how wonderful it must be. But the destroyers themselves know that they most likely won't be able to handle too deep of thoughts. There is only so much they can think about. They are like children, in that respect. They have the capacity to know what their own desires are and can make decisions on their own and fend for themselves, but their desires are limited, their decision-making is simple, and so long as they can keep themselves alive, that is all they really need to worry about. And even that last bit is tough for them, given their weak constitution.

So I give them all hugs and tell them that I will be alright. I don't want to burden them by sharing with them pains that they'll beat themselves up over thinking about. After some thirty minutes of convincing, they finally respected my wishes and left me alone. I can tell that they really want to do something to cheer me up.

I wonder if it is possible to put in a recommendation to the Admiral to give main processing unit upgrades for the destroyers. It may be costly and time-consuming, but for their sake, I want to do something for the destroyers. Anything at all...


	7. Briefing

Orders have come in.

The Admiral has ordered us to attack the Yokosuka Naval Yards tomorrow at noon. According to the Admiral, this is the time of the day that the enemy will least expect such an attack, for either part of their forces will be out at sea on duty or for naval exercise or it will be lunchtime, and the enemy at base will be caught off guard due to their lunch break. Either way, tomorrow, we are to lay waste to the Yokosuka Naval Yards.

In order to prepare for such an attack scheduled for tomorrow, we have been reinforced by three other squadrons who had departed with us from the island I woke up on to reach the archipelago known as Japan. Due to the large number of Abyssal troops we have now, we have retreated to Toshima Island and hidden in the forests there to keep our location confidential to the enemy, but because we have thoroughly scouted out the layout of the enemy base, we have been able to formulate a solid attack strategy with our reinforcements even without being close in proximity to the enemy naval yards.

Midway Princess is the de facto leader of our task force here due to her experience and battle knowledge. She decided that Re-Class and I ought to lead the assault tomorrow, with Ta-Class and Ru-Class backing us up with the heavy cruisers and all of the destroyers. The light cruisers would be close behind them, escorting the carriers (including herself and the other capital Abyssals who are capable of launching planes), and they would send in air waves that will strike just before we do.

Our primary targets are to be the modern Japanese warships docked at our target AO. Namely, they are the _Samidare,_ the _Kirishima_ , and the _Takanami._ We have confirmed using our observational intel gathered from our reconnaissance planes that these three destroyers are consistently docked at the Yokosuka Naval Yards. Whether this base is the home port of these three particular vessels is still unconfirmed, but we will attack tomorrow with the careful assumption that they will still be docked there by the time our assault is due, but we shall tread lightly and be adaptable should this assumed battle parameter prove untrue. In addition, we have observed all naval traffic going in and out of the Yokosuka Naval Yards, and we know that this base is frequented by other warships who stop for resupply. It is very likely that at the time of our attack, there may be many more warships in the harbor that we must contend with, but we are built to combat modern destroyers. They are not what worry us.

The enemy naval personnel, the ship girls, are what will put us on the back foot. We do not know the combat capability of the ship girls we had seen training in the harbor two days ago, and this is dangerous knowledge because our combat experience is only limited to a select pool of ship girls of the Platoon. Midway Princess explained that up until this point, the Abyssals only fought against the same fleet of twenty or thirty or so ship girls when they know there are much more, as our observations of the enemy's training in the naval yards proves. We have no idea what their abilities are, how proficient they are in battle, or how to best approach the situation. Therefore, the presence of the enemy ship girls tomorrow at the AO will be critical: if our luck holds out and they do not appear tomorrow, this attack will cripple that base, and we shall lay waste to it thoroughly. If our luck does not hold out and they happen to come back, we may have to abort the mission entirely.

There was much discussion amongst us about my role in the attack. Many, understandably, objected to me having such a critical role in this next assault. Not because they disrespected me or because they thought I couldn't perform well, but this was my first ever live combat scenario when I'd just awoken not even a week ago. Ru-Class, while apologizing to me for sounding disrespectful, asked Midway Princess to reconsider this strategy for the sake of the success of this mission. This mission was critical; by knocking out one of their major seaports, we could cripple Japan's ability to deploy naval forces, and they would be forced to concentrate on rebuilding because they have no intel on our whereabouts because we have no major territory to fall back to, like we did in our days when we still had Kuprulu. And while the Japanese are busy rebuilding, we can use this opportunity to scout the rest of the Japanese coastline to seek out the other major naval bases and proceed to eliminate them one by one in a kind of ring-around-the-rosie fashion to wear down the enemy in a kind of war of attrition. Therefore, risking the success of this next mission by hinging it on my performance was strategic suicide, according to Ru-Class. I, too, agreed with Ru-Class, although it didn't do much for my confidence, and politely asked Midway Princess to perhaps reconsider. I said that I wanted to become strong quickly, but this was a bit too much escalation for our task force's good.

But Midway Princess, to the surprise of many, refused to relent. This was a gamble, she said. As much as this mission should result in an easy victory for us due to the enemy's lack of knowledge about our fleet activities, we didn't know for sure what would happen when we actually sail into battle tomorrow. The ship girls could be there, ready to defend the enemy base as if they'd known we would attack all along. Midway Princess cited many battles that she thought the Abyssals should have won in past engagements but yet still lost. Thus, she is treating all future engagements as volatile and unpredictable. And in order to remedy this, she would put an unpredictable element to even out the odds, which would be me. The ship girls do not know about my existence, for I have only recently been constructed, and my power is supposedly equal to that of battleships, although I have yet to find out how.

Plus, there was no better opportunity to have me learn the way of the trade. This was the easiest kind of battle for me to participate in a leadership position so that I can learn everything that I need to know and gather as much combat data as possible with the least amount of risk. Either I was going to learn here or in another battle that may or may not be much more dangerous that the one tomorrow. I would have to make the best out of the situation. I can feel that there is already a lot of pressure on my shoulders, and I don't like it. And because Midway Princess was so adamant, we didn't object to it any further. However, Midway Princess did revise our plan for tomorrow so that she would join me and Re-Class in our initial charge for tomorrow, which made everyone feel much better about our strategy, me included.

I spent a few hours after our little tactical meeting to discuss combat situations and other things with Midway Princess. Midway Princess advised me to always keep an eye on my surroundings. Even if I was being supported by multiple squadmates, the ship girls somehow always found an opening to exploit, and whenever they did, typically the results were devastating. Midway recalled a few instances when a single ship girl found weaknesses in our fleet formations in the past and blew them wide open, which let other ship girls flood in and blast our formations apart like they were nothing. Midway said that while I should have faith in those with whom I fought, I should always be looking out for myself, because often things will happen so fast that none of my comrades will have time or be able to notice what's going on to call them out. This was the most important thing I could do for myself, she said, so I must always keep this in mind tomorrow when our attack begins.

Midway also advised me to not concentrate so much on killing the ship girls. For some reason, she said, even if they managed to score rare kills on the ship girls, the ones that we thought we'd killed somehow always came back. We don't know how they just get rebuilt like that. I asked if we had any such technology like that ourselves, but Midway said no. She said that besides capital Abyssals like us, Abyssal ship girls and personnel don't get revived but instead replaced by new ones. So in a sense, all of us Abyssals are expendable. If we die, we are simply replaced by our clones. That's why there are multiple copies of Ri-Class and Chi-Class with us. That's why there are multiple copies of the destroyers. Because of this difference, it appears that going in for kills is not quite as effective as simply focusing on incapacitating them and putting them out of the fight. Once we establish dominance in a fight, only then can we actively concentrate on the kill. But until then, Midway said, I should focus on landing heavy blows on the enemy and support those who looked like they were closing in on a potential finish.

I asked Midway why Harbor Princess and Hoppo weren't participating in the fight. I heard from the others that Harbor was strong, but Midway shook her head and said that she and Hoppo would not be fighting because of Hoppo herself. When I asked why, Midway said that Hoppo is the strongest Abyssal we have at our disposal. (I remember Re-Class saying this on my first day.) It would be disastrous if we gave any sort of intel to the ship girls about Hoppo's abilities. It's bad enough that they already are aware of Hoppo's existence, so giving away any more intel about her to the enemy would be simply unacceptable. Harbor's job is to keep her safe and be her escort, which is just as well, seeing how well they get along to begin with. The way that Midway talked about Hoppo, it really does sound like Hoppo is being treated like our "trump card", like our final weapon against the Platoon. She seems so harmless and innocent, though. I really do wonder just what she can do.

But most importantly, Midway assured me that I would be fine tomorrow. I wouldn't fail. I was built with the most recent technology that we Abyssals had to offer. Even if we did fail, no matter what, I would be gaining valuable knowledge on how to fight. I needed this to help me become a stronger Abyssal. And that's what I want. I want to become stronger. I might not ever reach the level of Midway Princess or the other capital Abyssals, but I can still make a difference. I _have_ to make a difference; I don't have an option. So the faster I get stronger, the better.

Before we retired for the night, I went to Ta-Class, and I found her watching the stars in a clearing in the forest, sitting with some of our destroyers who pranced over to me when I came floating over to sit down with Ta-Class. Ta-Class asked me if I was feeling nervous, and I admitted that I was. Ta-Class put a hand on my head.

"You'll be fine," she said. "You'll survive."

The destroyers also chimed in with similar words, reassuring words. I feel comforted by this.


	8. Anger

Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no.

Today's mission -

That wasn't how it was meant to go.

No, no no no no. Oh no, oh no.

Everything went wrong. It was already wrong from the start.

I should have known. I should have known there was something wrong with this mission. Of course - going in, I had a feeling something would go wrong. I just didn't know what it was that would go wrong.

But now I know. Now, I know why this mission was already a failure from the start. Now I know, now I know. And oh...oh, oh...!

That sweeping long blue hair the color of the sky...those blue eyes as beautiful as clear blue pearls from the oysters of the sea...that graceful white, blue, and black uniform...

As soon as I saw her, I couldn't take it anymore. As I was approaching the enemy shipyards, I knew I was sensing something very wrong, that I was about to find out something I shouldn't find out. As soon as I laid my eyes on her, I had to run away. I wouldn't let myself shoot that person. I couldn't attack that person. So I felt like I had to run away.

But before I did run away, I immediately saw the second person.

Her pure black hair...and those _hair flaps..._ as soon as I saw those, I felt like those were things I should have never even forgotten in the first place...her braid over her left shoulder...her jet blue eyes, staring as though they wielded blades...her white, black, and red uniform that somehow gave her a fierce, dangerous appearance...

As soon as I laid eyes on those two ship girls, my instincts screamed at me to run. My memory files of the time window from 1210 hours to 1400 hours have been corrupted by my psychological parameters that were going ballistic during that time, so I cannot remember the events that unfolded during that time window clearly. All I remember was feeling more and more dread as we approached our mission AO, and as soon as I saw those two ship girls, I felt instantly inundated by a feeling of horror.

I still cannot figure out why I felt this sudden chest-bursting feeling of horror. I felt like my heart quite literally stopped. I couldn't feel my body for a few moments. As soon as I put eyes on the girl with the blue hair, I held my breath, like I forgot how to breathe. And then when I turned my eyes to the other girl with the black hair and the hair flaps, I felt my lungs contract, and I wanted to put my hands over my mouth because I felt like I was about to vomit or begin wheezing out of control. I think Ta-Class was calling out to me - probably asking me what was wrong, if I had to take a guess - but by that point it was already too late. I was paralyzed mentally, and the only reason why I was able to break out of my paralysis was my gut screaming at me that I needed to get away, because not only were these girls dangerous and were going to kill me with ease, but also I could not let them hurt me.

I don't understand...! Why, why of all times, did I had to suffer such a shock? This was such a critical mission! Had we succeeded here, this would have meant such a significant victory towards our cause! This was our chance, our opportunity to deal such a huge blow to the enemy! Eliminating a base full of modern warship destroyers, not to mention the fact that the ship girls were there too, as our luck would have it - I have been informed by a few of the destroyers who had survived the battle when my comrades retreated that they were able to deal critical damage to the ship girls of the Platoon and even managed to sink some five or six of them, meaning that had I not run away like a coward, we could have perhaps sunk even more.

I will be honest - I was prepared to lose the battle because of my inexperience and my lack of live combat knowledge. Had I fought my hardest and my task force had still lost the engagement, I would have felt proud of myself for trying my best even if my efforts were to be proven futile. But not like this! I was not prepared to lose this fight for everyone simply because the sight of two of the enemy ship girls made me freak out and flee the combat zone like a clownfish swimming desperately away into the safety of his home in the sea anemone.

Not like this... _not like this! ! !_

I feel so ashamed. I feel so disheartened and discouraged.

I feel so embarrassed for being scared senseless simply by _seeing_ the enemy.

And because of that, I ran away like a coward, like a deserter.

And because of that, I ultimately contributed greatly to the overall negative battle parameters of my task force.

I severely disappointed everyone. I let down everyone who had their hopes in me that I would perform admirably in today's sortie. I especially let down Midway Princess, who had spent all that time yesterday briefing me about the fight and telling me that I would do just fine.

 **And worst of all, Ta-Class failed to return. The destroyers have told me that Ta-Class is nowhere to be found...meaning that either she ended up sinking, or she is now in the hands of the enemy!**

 _ **I'M SO ANGRY AT MYSELF! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !**_

 _ **I'M SO ANGRY AT MYSELF! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !**_

 _ **I'M SO ANGRY AT MYSELF! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !**_

 _ **I'M SO ANGRY AT MYSELF! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !**_

 _ **I'M SO ANGRY AT MYSELF! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !**_

 _ **I'M SO ANGRY AT MYSELF! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !**_

I want to shoot something - anything. I want to vent my anger at myself out on something, something to let this anger out! But I know I can't, because if I shoot, the others will think we've come under attack. I slap the water with my fists, and I scare the destroyers who are staying with me. Not all of them have come back...and I know exactly why. The Ro-Class haven't come back. One of the I-Class is missing. And all of them are hurt - Ha-Class's teeth are broken and hanging, meaning that he cannot eat until his teeth grow back in a day. They are all suffering - and yet, right now, they are swimming around me asking me what is wrong. I can sense that they can feel my rocky emotions, and they don't want me to be so agitated. "Calm down, Princess!" they're telling me. "Please calm down! We're here for you! Tell us what's wrong! We're hurt, but if it's for you, we'll listen to anything you say!"

But all I can tell them is, "I'm sorry."

I can't even tell them why I'm sorry - not because they will not understand. They don't think that this mission's failure is directly because of my failure to participate in it. They know that I have run away, but never in a million years will they think that I was the one who failed this mission for everyone, including them. If I take the time to explain, they will understand. But that's not why I am not telling them. It is just so painful for me to explain it in the first place! I can't tell them because my mind and soul will burst just saying those things!

I can't stop myself. I continue to cry like a little baby and continue to bash the water with the bottoms of my fists, repeating over and over, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry". The destroyers have never seen me act like this, nor do I think they expected me to ever act like this, so they back away from me, sensing that they won't be able to help me. I can hear their feelings, their pitiful thoughts of "Princess...!" and "Princess, please...!" And because of them, I can't help but feel even worse, so much worse that I must make them suffer because of the whiplash I am experiencing from my own turbulent emotions.

What kind of a princess of destroyers am I, making them worry so needlessly like this?

I'm a failure. I wasn't meant for something like this. I want out. I don't want to do this anymore. Now that I've failed so colossally this first time around, my reputation among my peers is ruined, and my hopes of being able to become a productive and effective member of the Abyssal fleet are completely sunk - not to mention I was the one who indirectly made Ta-Class, someone I wanted to befriend, go AWOL.

Worst of all, those girls. Why? Why did they make me feel that way? Why do they scare me? Why do they make me feel as though I needed to remember them? They look so familiar. But I don't know why. I can't seem to figure out why they seem so familiar. Who are they? What do they want from me? Or better question yet, what must I do about them? I...I don't want to kill them. But I can't let them kill me. That's the feeling I'm getting. But if I can't ever see them, then...then...then what must I do? What do I need to do?

There's not even a moon out tonight that I can watch and ask my desperate questions to. Oh...today...today was a terrible day...

...I just want to go to sleep and never have to wake back up...

...I'm so angry at myself...I should just go die...I'm not wanted here...no one needs me...just better off dead...at the bottom of the sea...yes, that's where I should belong...at the bottom of the sea...


	9. Counter

Midway Princess came to talk to me earlier today.

I spent all of today sitting by myself, letting the waves drift me around with the currents. I didn't care what happened to me; I just wanted to be alone. The destroyers followed me around, just in case I needed their help, but for the most part they left me alone to my own thoughts until Midway Princess tracked me down and found me and talked to me.

When Midway approached me, I asked her to leave me alone. The Abyssals didn't need someone like me screwing things up for them. I was the reason why yesterday's sortie failed. I was the reason why Ta-Class is now missing, possibly dead and sunk. I was the reason why everyone else had to suffer.

I told Midway to leave me alone so that I could mindlessly drift around on the water forever until I died of lack of supplies. I wasn't in much of a mood to do anything else, anyway.

"Destroyer Princess," Midway told me, "I cannot leave you alone. This is my order. I have been assigned to protect you and keep you a part of the fleet. Please understand this."

And so she sat down on the water with me. Her Floating Fortresses peered at me with an innocent curiosity like the destroyers', but they backed away once Midway shooed them off.

Midway Princess reminded me that her duty was centered around me: if I died, or if something happened to me, I would cause Midway to immediately fail her mission. And Midway said that depending on how hard she failed her mission, her punishment would vary greatly - that was just the kind of man that our Admiral was. So to begin, Midway asked me quietly that she would appreciate it if first of all, I did not go out of my way to kill myself slowly.

And because I was in no condition to return to the rest of our surviving task force just yet, Midway Princess told me that if I ever felt like I needed to talk about something, I could spill it all out to her. After all, she was including my mental well-being as part of her mission to protect my health.

When she said that, I couldn't control myself. That's what I needed, someone to talk to. Had Ta-Class been here, now that I look back in hindsight, I would have most likely gone to her to talk to her to help me get over all these feelings and hurt that I have because of my failure in yesterday's mission. But because I had been too busy wallowing like a pathetic loser yesterday after running away from the mission like the coward that I am, I didn't recognize this need of mine. So when Midway Princess said that it was alright for me to pour out what I had on my mind, that's exactly what I did.

I put my face in my hands and asked Midway Princess is the others knew why I had run away, and Midway Princess said no. She said that this was one of the greatest mysteries from yesterday's failed attack - everyone had seen me flee from the scene like a fish swimming frantically away from a shark. No one knew why I had done so, and Midway said that if I was willing, she would've liked to hear from me what happened yesterday and why, so I did. I explained to her that I saw two of the ship girls there right as the assault began, and they gave me an unnatural spook that scared me deeply and removed all of my motivation to carry out a fight. I described those ship girls to Midway. I told her that for some reason, I mustn't hurt them, nor should I let them hurt me, so the best way to respond to the situation at hand was to simply run away, which I did. I asked Midway why I must have felt this way, because I could not come up with an answer, and whether or not other Abyssal capital ship girls also experienced a kind of horrific phenomenon like I had yesterday.

Midway Princess took her time to explain, but she said that she did not know why I became so cowardly in the face of those two ship girls. Midway did state that she recognized the descriptions of those two ship girls who scared me when I saw them, but as far as the reason goes, she is in the dark as well. And this had been the first time she had seen any one of us, like herself, behave in such a way. That's why she wanted to talk to me in the first place, so she could learn more about this psychological breakdown that I had yesterday so that she could study it closer and know what was going on and what I was thinking at the time and what I am thinking now.

I asked for a damage assessment report. I was hesitant on asking this, but I was going to find out about this sooner or later. Midway Princess reported that we had roughly a 32% casualty rate suffered in our task group from yesterday's mission - a high mortality rate. We did manage to sink (we, as in, not including me) five ship girls, so those who had sunk during the battle can rest assured that their deaths were in vain, but even then, that seems insincere, as we already know that enemey ship girls can always regenerate and come back. Our comrades are expendable. We will simply replace our losses with their clones, their copies. The same would apply to Ta-Class, because for as strong as she had been, she was not a capital Abyssal.

I bemoaned to Midway Princess the whole concept of our expendable nature. It is no secret to us Abyssals that we are factory-produced, mass-manufactured and deployed in a strength-in-numbers fashion. Yet, I have not heard not even one word against this notion ever since I have found myself in this fleet. Didn't that seem wrong, somehow, in a way? Maybe? Nobody likes thinking that they are expendable. Nobody wants to die a death that signifies their lives as only a means towards an end. That's the fate that everyone who died yesterday at the site of the enemy naval yards suffered when they sank. Why hadn't anyone thought about this? Didn't anyone think that was...that was messed up somehow? Was I the only one around these parts who thought this way?

Midway shook her head and told me that it wasn't just me. Matter of fact, all Abyssals knew this, but we were constructed to accept the fact that we were expendable. This also included the Abyssal capital ship girls - we were meant to be constructed to expect the deaths of lesser Abyssal forms. It was a disturbing fact, both in the sense that its content was disturbing and the fact that we were supposed to be so readily receptive of the fact, but Midway said that perhaps this was for the best. She had been through many, many cycles of other classes of Abyssal ship girls. She had seen many cycles of friends in other Abyssal ship girls come and go, constructed to be assigned to her unit and fleet only to be killed at the hands of the enemy ship girls, thus pitching her in a vicious, perpetual cycle of seeing the same faces that always kept getting killed and returned to her. Eventually, Midway got used to it. And I would learn to be used to it, too, given time enough.

Therefore, Midway expressed surprise that I was the first to bring this up when no other capital Abyssal ship girl had. More importantly, I was notably disturbed by it while others never showed so much as a shrug as a response. Perhaps it was a side effect of how spooked I had become after seeing those particular ship girls, but that in itself is so strange that Midway considers me a notable outlier in our kind's capital ship girl fleet.

I continued on to lament my contribution to the failure of the mission as a whole and to Ta-Class's death. I told Midway Princess about my attempts to make friends with Ta-Class, how well it had been going before today. I just wanted to be friends with her, I said. I just wanted to know what it would've been like if Ta-Class was my friend, I said. So I had been trying my hardest to talk to her, to make it clear that I wanted to be friends with her. Midway praised me for trying my best to make a friend and empathized with me because she also knew what it felt like losing friends or people with whom she had tried becoming friends with, but she told me that if I wanted to make relationships and connections, I must never commit too heavily to them, because we as Abyssals never knew when we were going to die. Midway advised me that while there was nothing wrong with making relationships and friendships, if I let myself get too involved with them, I would lose track of my goals and be blinded to the reality that friends never lasted long, while enemies lasted forever. And the quicker I accepted this, the easier my life as a Destroyer Princess would be.

This just seems too sad. Why must the life of an Abyssal be like this? I wanted to cry all over again. Luckily, Midway Princess sensed that I was about to cry and took me into her arms to comfort me. Despite all this that she'd said, Midway told me that she still understood that it was still painful losing a friend (or a potential friend). In replacement, Midway herself would be my friend. She would become the new Ta-Class, the person I could go to to talk to about things, if that were to make me feel any better at all.

Midway cannot replace Ta-Class. She just cannot. I cannot see them as the same entity. But for the sake of mending the deep wound in my heart, I must temporarily cover up the damage by filling in the gaps with the friendship of Midway. It is good in its own way, for I was able to speak my mind out to her as much as I wanted to today, but it just...doesn't feel the same way without Ta-Class.

But talking out my troubles with Midway helped me calm down. With this, Midway was able to bring me back with the destroyers and her Floating Fortresses back to the rest of our surviving personnel. I got a lot of angry, distrustful, and disappointed looks from many of them, and while I felt ashamed and didn't want to meet their gazes head-on, I knew they had good reason to treat me like this - reasons that I wholeheartedly agree with and will use as reasons to nullify my status as a Destroyer Princess. Someone like me - I don't deserve to be a capital Abyssal ship girl, yet here I was, the cause of everyone's failure, pain, and suffering.

I was going to go to sleep in an uncomfortable air of out-of-place-ness because I am tired from all the crying I did today, but then Midway Princess pulled me aside once more because she said she had something very important to tell me, and it regarded orders directly from our Admiral.

We were supposedly going to relocate elsewhere as part of our next mission objectives. We were going to sail around the world to Europe, where Admiral and the others are.


	10. Identity

Ta-Class returned!

Around lunch, when I was cleaning some of the wounds on the injured destroyers, one of the I-Class destroyers came sailing back quickly and called out to me that it had detected a weak friendly signature approaching us at an oddly slow speed. Wondering what this could be about, I asked the destroyers if there were any reinforcements inbound on our position, but they said they didn't know. So I decided to investigate and asked the I-Class to lead me back to the source, and when we went over, I found Ta-Class, bleeding from head to toe and her clothes ripped off her body, walking slowly towards us.

I...don't know how to describe the feeling I felt when I first laid my eyes on Ta-Class at that moment in time. Relief? No, it is something far more passionate than relief. But what other word is there that exists to describe something more than relief without adding descriptive adjectives in front? Because whatever it is I felt in my chest when I rushed forward to embrace her, it made my chest want to burst. To be sure, my eyes burst in tears as soon as I felt her blood and pain my hands and arms.

I brought Ta-Class to the others, who were just as equally surprised as I was that Ta-Class even managed to make it back. Midway Princess asked Ta-Class how she was able to return to us, but Ta-Class was too weak to be in any position to speak about her experiences.

I spent all day being by Ta-Class's side. We had returned to the same small island that I had awoken on in the meanwhile, so for Ta-Class to have tracked us down here and reached us...just how much pain did she go through to get here? I asked myself this question, among many others, as I sat by her inside the same little hut that I was kept in until my awakening as Ta-Class slept in recovery.

Midway Princess helped me tend to Ta-Class's injuries. Luckily there were no debilitating injuries that Ta-Class could not regenerate on her own, but when she would wake back up is another matter entirely. Midway advised me that I ought to leave her alone to rest and I should not try to wake her up, since I shared with her the knowledge of my relationship with Ta-Class, but I refused to leave her side, so Midway had no choice but to let me have my way. I eventually fell asleep next to Ta-Class, holding her hand as I napped. The injured destroyers whom I had tended to also came in to rest from the hot ocean sun and curled up with us and fell asleep too.

But I dreamed a nightmare, that nightmare I had while conscious, the meeting of those two ship girls. They haunted me in my sleep; they refused to go away. Even now I can still vividly picture their faces, their expressions of surprise and shock when they saw me. Perhaps...now that I think about it, perhaps...they recognize me too? Do we perhaps know each other somehow? Because those expressions were definitely expressions of recognition of the shocked sort, much like my own when I came face to face with them.

Then if some of my own enemy recognizes me, what does this mean? I am a new creation of the Abyssal fleet, the newest member of the fleet of capital Abyssal ship girls. For what reason would they already know about my existence? They should not. By no means should they have known of my existence prior to our failure of an attack two days ago. And granted, among those whom I had seen during that moment, only those two ship girls seemed to have those expressions of recognition when they laid their eyes on me. Perhaps those two are the only ones who reacted that way because they are the only ones in the enemy force to recognize me...I'm not sure. This is partly pure speculation.

But assuming that they do know me, what are the implications? Does this mean that perhaps I have something to do with the enemy fleet itself? That I have a direct connection with them that I don't know about? After all, I have no memories of myself before a week ago, yet I have these uncertain, nebulous feelings that I cannot ascertain for myself. Whatever the implications, I am frightened. I am very frightened. Do the others know about my past, if I have one? How much do the others know about me? What about Midway Princess? I expressed earlier that I feel as though she is hiding something from me. Perhaps if there is anyone here who knows more about me than myself, it would be Midway Princess. But she will not tell me what I want to know, if there is anything to know. No one will, if they do know, I feel...

It is this train of thought that is making me feel more and more uncomfortable around my so-called comrades. All day today I have been subject to the grumblings and complaints of my fellow Abyssals about me. They talk about me behind my back...or the saying goes, even though sometimes I am right behind _them_ when they question Midway's decision to place me as part of the charge for that ill-fated mission. It saddens me and hurts me to hear such brutal words, but they speak the truth. I must learn to live with the pain and the embarrassment and the humiliation. I must hold my own feelings down, even if...even if I very much so wish to explain to them what really happened. But I know, judging by their tones, that they will not believe me. Only Midway and perhaps Ta-Class will. Or even Re-Class.

Re-Class walked in earlier this evening and asked me how I was doing. I replied to her by saying that I was glad that Ta-Class was back. I told Re-Class that I was crushed by the fact that Ta-Class had gone missing after the mission and I had already resigned to the possibility that she had been sunk in combat, so when she returned to us earlier today, I was extremely relieved...whatever comes after relief in the spectrum. But Re-Class wanted to know more. She was wondering what I was doing, ever since the mission, but she saw the state that I was in yesterday and decided to retreat to reserve her questioning for today, in case that I was in a better mood today. Maybe Re-Class is a kinder person than I thought.

So I decided to explain to her what happened...what _really_ happened. This made Re-Class understand the situation more clearly, for she, too, had seen the expressions of shocked recognition on those two ship girls and wondered why they looked like that. She mentioned to me that she knew those two ship girls in particular, for they had done battle a few times before earlier this year. This made me ask, out of curiosity, if Re-Class knew if there was a possible connection between me and those two enemy ship girls that would explain why we all had such reactions to each other. After thinking for a little bit, Re-Class suggested,

"Maybe you were part of their fleet once, I dunno. You coulda even been sisters for all I know. Who knows?"

Ship sisters?

We were comrades...once?

This shook me. We were ship sisters? But...but...

I asked her why she would think this. It was then that Re-Class mentioned that there had been one incident during which she and Ta-Class had captured a few enemy ship girls and took them to our home base in the Kuprulu Sector, before it got destroyed, and they were successfully able to convert them into comrades of our own.

"Who knows, you could be one 'a them, right?" Re-Class suggested. "I'm just throwin' out suggestions here."

I was taken...from the enemy...and converted to fight...against them...?

Then...was that why I...I...I...

Re-Class sensed that her words were putting me through even more shock, so she decided that then was a good time to bail out and leave me alone with Ta-Class. Re-Class's testimony gives plausible evidence to believe that the possibility of me having an identity that I don't want to have is very real. How else could my reaction to those two ship girls be explained?

I don't want it to be true...

I don't want it to be true...

I don't want it to be true...

I don't want it to be true...

Should I ask Midway Princess about this? Should I confront her and demand her to tell me the truth? What if she doesn't know? What if she knows but does not want to tell me? Perhaps she is even under orders not to reveal the truth about my past or my past identity to me. But of course; look at me, being so distracted and destroyed by all this emotional turbulence that I should not be suffering. I understand why they would want to keep such information about myself secret. But now that I know this much, I want to know more. I can't _help_ but to know more. I _need_ to know more. Wouldn't you? Wouldn't want to know who you really were, once upon a time?

Because it sounds like I had a family once...friends...memories before a time that I was an Abyssal...

...it sounds like...I felt like, once in my life, that...I belonged somewhere...just once...maybe...

This morbid curiosity...I wish I did not have it.

Because now, who do I trust? Re-Class? Midway? Ta-Class? I cannot trust myself; I have no memory or ability to fight properly. I can literally trust no one, for no one can tell me the answers which I seek - and those who do may choose not to. Only the destroyers are my friends, my comrades and followers who will not betray me no matter what, but they cannot aid me in my quest to seek the information that I want to hear.

Who?

Who...?

Who...

Who would know...who would know...

I can't believe I'm thinking this. There is no way...it's not possible that...

No, it is possible. It is entirely possible. Why would they have reacted in such a way? Re-Class already made this so clear to me. It can only be this way - I only need to confirm it for myself.

Those two ship girls...the enemy may know about me. They may be able to tell me what I want to know.

But now I must decide which I wish to prioritize more: the safety of my comrades and myself, or my own identity? Do I sacrifice myself and potentially the rest of my comrades here simply for the sake of finding out who I am? Am I prepared to commit to this decision? I have already tasted the bitter and crushing feeling of defeat and humiliation - am I prepared to perhaps suffer an even greater failure with this selfish act? I already know the answer to this - it is a resounding no. I am not prepared at all. Should my plan be foiled and ruined and perhaps end once again in utter failure, I will have no chance of recovering. My status as a capital Abyssal, my status as the Destroyer Princess - surely, I will have them revoked...perhaps even scrapped. The consequences...they are endless...and all of them are dire.

I will ask Midway and Ta-Class first when the latter finally wakes up. If they cannot give me the answers I want, I will take matters into my own hands. I **_must_** find out.

Who am I? Rather, who **_was_** I? And worse, does this all...even matter...?


	11. Gambit

When I woke up, I found Ta-Class on our little island, with Midway Princess and Ru-Class taking care of her. Ru-Class and Chi-Class have spent the morning foraging for vegetation at nearby islands to make bandages out of to replace the ones they had put on her yesterday when she came back. I quickly rushed to assist them and found that Ta-Class had woken up before I had. Her coma was nowhere near as bad as I had feared, but that does not mean her wounds are any less serious. I did say they were not debilitating, but even still, they will take a long time to heal up on her own. When I asked if we had any kind of bases nearby to supply us with resources, so that we can perhaps speed up Ta-Class's recovery process, Midway said that we had none. Kuprulu, our home sector, had been really our only established base; following its destruction, we Abyssals were forced to embark on a mass exodus throughout the world, but the two main groups of Abyssals are concentrated here in the Pacific, hiding in various remote islands scattered about the southeast Pacific, or doing the same in archipelagos off the west coast of Africa, from where they will travel to Europe in due time. We have no bases on which to rely, and Midway revealed to me that our Admiral and his assistants are busy setting up more facilities in secret locations throughout the world that are capable of Abyssal personnel construction to add to our numbers. But as of right now, we have no means to either replace or repair the forces that we do have. What we have right now is all that we have to work with.

Now that Midway has revealed this to me, the weight of our catastrophic failure at the Yokosuka Naval Yards sinks into my head even deeper. While I had never asked this before myself, I was always under the impression that we had some sort of backup plan should our primary tactics fail. That is the standard of any military combat procedure, is it not? To have some sort of a backup plan? But Midway Princess said we had none.

"Besides the Abyssals who are patrolling around Japan at this moment and those scattered about in various island formations near our vicinity, we have no backup," she said.

So the forces we lost at our last engagement with the enemy ship girls cannot be expected to be replaced anytime soon. The more defeats we have like this - rather, _any_ defeat that involves any number of losses will cut our firepower down chunk by chunk until we are all no more. Even the destroyers must be cherished and protected well, despite how weak they are compared to all other Abyssals. Now I feel so much worse about the matter.

But now is no time to be wasting even more time lamenting over a defeat I have lamented enough about. I asked everyone there treating Ta-Class's wounds why on Earth we did not have any support bases that were available for us. I can understand that the destruction of our home sector had caused a lot of logistics problems for us, but apparently, from what I know, it has been more than a full month since then. Surely we could have at least built a _few_ fortified bases to which we could retreat in times of emergency, like now? What on Earth had we been doing for the last month? And I also pointed out that because we Abyssals were constructed and not born like normal human beings, that must mean that I myself should have been constructed in some kind of base somewhere; yet I had awoken on this very island, instead of finding myself at some sort of factory building or something along those lines. Nobody could give me an answer. Not even Midway Princess, our de facto leader, said anything at first. When I continued to press the issue, demanding an answer, Ru-Class tried to tell me to remain silent and stop asking so many questions, lest I find myself in trouble with the Admiral and our commanders, but Midway interrupted her and admitted that she, too, did not know. After our exodus, we had spent the past month looking out for ourselves under explicit orders not to attack any human settlements or make contact with any human beings or vessels, for that matter, after the ambush attack on the main headquarters of the enemy ship girl fleet at Okinawa. It was as though our Admiral had simply forgotten about us doing whatever it is that he does; only very recently, within the past two weeks, around the time of my activation, did we receive word from the Admiral to prepare for an operation against Japan.

This, needless to say, makes me very angry. For a full month, my friends and brethren were on their own to fend for themselves with no consolidated base to fight out of or return to in times of repair or resupply. I just do not know who to be angry _at_ : must I direct my anger towards my own friends and comrades for not taking the initiative to build some kind of stronghold of their own to house them? Like, why? Or rather, I should say, _why not?_ I suppose, now that I think about it, I can give everyone the benefit of the doubt because they just may have not anticipated having to wait for a full month before receiving new orders from the Admiral. But wouldn't it just be a safe idea regardless to establish some kind of forward base or reserve base and designate it our universal supply and rendezvous point? I am starting to think of ourselves as more guerrilla forces than an actual, properly organized fleet that we ought to be. What is a fleet without bases to support it?

I could also direct my anger at the Admiral. The fact that I have never met him makes it easy for me to feel very angry at him for neglecting my friends and comrades for a full month. Perhaps he is busy with other things, but we are too big a fleet to simply _ignore_ for an entire month! Whatever could possibly occupy his attention for so long? I just...don't understand. Maybe it could just be my relative inexperience with how the world works, but I can't imagine the Admiral simply forgetting about us. What good is calling the Admiral by his title if he does not take steps to make sure that we can function as a fleet in the first place?

But I kept these thoughts to myself; I felt that it was inappropriate to vent these feelings to everyone at the time. So I remained patient as we finished redressing Ta-Class with new bandages fashioned out of long, thick strips of leaves washed with freshwater from streams they were found at. After this was done, I asked Midway if I could talk to her alone. Intrigued by my request, Midway accepted.

I told Midway what was on my mind, what had _really_ happened at the last battle against the enemy ship girls. I had seen a certain pair of enemy ship girls who triggered some kind of very strange reaction in me that I could not possibly understand or explain to myself. That's why I had scampered away like a coward so quickly, and that's why I was so out of it the last two days after the attack because I didn't know what was going on. I also mentioned how yesterday, when I talked to Re-Class, she even suggested that the reason why I was feeling this way was because maybe I somehow knew them, because there was evidence of us Abyssals capturing enemy ship girls and being able to convert them into Abyssals just like us.

"Midway Princess, am I...was I one of them once?" I asked Midway finally, with a lot of suspense. I felt my chest tightening up as I spoke those words. "If what Re-Class said is true, then...then is there really a chance that I...could have been one of them?"

Midway claimed calmly that she knew nothing of my existence or my true identity, if I truly did have one. She was not part of the ambush attack that we had conducted against the enemy base at Okinawa, but Re-Class was, so perhaps I could go talk to her about it later. But because she was not, she knew nothing. So I asked her how I came to wake up here on this island, under her care, and she said that Battleship Princess had delivered me to her with explicit instructions that I was under her instruction. When I asked if Battleship Princess had any idea about who I was, Midway said that she couldn't say, but more than likely, if it was a direct order from the Admiral, chances are Battleship Princess wouldn't know either.

But before I left, Midway stopped me. She told me that no matter what my true identity and origins, I needed to remember that I was now an Abyssal. I was one of them; this was my family now, these fellow Abyssals around me. Midway said that while she would not stop me from finding out about my true identity, because she feels sympathetic to my feelings, she made it very clear to me that should I entertain thoughts about defecting to the enemy or sabotaging my fellow Abyssals, she would strike me down with impunity. If it really did turn out that I was somehow related to our enemies, Midway would not allow me to abandon them.

"I will not let you favor your old family over your new, should this be true," she whispered to me in a way that sent shivers down my spine.

Afterwards, I went to talk to Re-Class, and I found her fishing for lunch with Hoppo and Harbor Princess, so I had to wait until they were done, since I didn't want to speak to her with the others around. I ended up joining them at Re-Class's insistence, so it was fun.

Re-Class said that she didn't know if we Abyssals had taken any prisoners from the base because she was too busy having fun shelling the place. They did not directly engage any of the ship girls because it was a surprise attack and because it was a long-range bombardment, so it was unlikely that they had taken any prisoners.

"For some reason, our destroyers weren't there with us, that's what I remember, but it's not like it mattered anyway 'cause it wasn't like we needed backup..." she said.

So she couldn't really help me beyond what she'd already told me yesterday.

The fact that I feel like I am getting closer and closer to finding out the truth about myself, yet at the same time never feeling like I am making any real progress is a huge teaser to me, and I don't like it. I want to know _now,_ otherwise this will be on my mind until I satisfy it. It's gotten to the point where I am willing to take risks to settle this once and for all. So before we depart for Europe, whenever that time will come, I will make a gamble that may or may not tell me what I need to know. I have plans, but I will not discuss them for fear that someone will find out what I am up to. I will deal with the consequences later. For now, I must absolutely find these answers. The plan is very simple, I merely need to follow through with it. Unlike last time, when "following the plan" crumbled apart for me pathetically.


	12. Full Moon

I have departed from our little island and am by myself. I believe I am about five kilometers from the Yokosuka Naval Yards, the site of the enemy base we had attacked not long ago.

I have brought nobody with me except for a few of my destroyer friends who saw me leaving the island and wanted to know what I was up to. I couldn't bear to bring myself to lie to them, so I simply told them that I had a very important, personal task that I needed to fulfill. I guess this choice of words that I used to speak to them convinced them that their duty was then to escort me and defend me with their lives. They think that this "personal task" is tantamount to defeating the ship girls once and for all. Well...I guess for me personally, this personal mission of mine could be just as important. If not more...

We have noticed a drastic increase in enemy naval activity in the waters outside of the base - several times today, especially earlier this evening, we were nearly sighted by Japanese patrol boats on full alert as far out as ten kilometers from the harbor. Staging another attack on this location is obviously quite folly...and it hurts me to know that I alone had squandered such a golden opportunity for us. Where else would we have the damage potential as we had here just a few days ago? Now, most certainly, all Japanese military installations across the country are sure to be on full alert after this attack, and the other Abyssal task forces we have circling the country in attempts to find any other targets of opportunity will have a much tougher time now trying to accomplish that...all because of me. It has been something of an adventure just dodging all of these enemy patrol boats by itself, an adventure I just do not want to have.

So the destroyers and I spent most of the day waiting outside of enemy patrol ranges - just to be safe, the destroyers and I stayed about twenty kilometers outside of the enemy naval yards. During this time, I contemplated what I'd been told the previous day.

Midway Princess mentioned family a lot. New family, old family. Did I really consider everyone "family"? What does the word "family" mean, to begin? To me, it only feels like a word, a word you say simple for the sake of description. I have no doubt that my fellow Abyssals are my friends and comrades. But are they my _family?_ Midway Princess seems to think so, and I wouldn't be surprised if she really does. She seems like the kind to see all of her fellow Abyssals as part of one big family, and I can see myself supporting such a notion. But if I am not mistaken, is a family not composed of those who are related by blood? While I know not the specifics of Abyssal biology, if we are indeed all share the same blood, technically, then, we really would be a family, and there would be no contention to this.

The moon is shining bright in the night sky over the ocean. It is a full moon - the first time I have had the pleasure of seeing a full moon. It is truly beautiful, like a gem hanging over me in the night. I do not like the dark. I have an aversion to darkness - had the destroyers not been with me, I would have taken my nighttime activities much more frightfully. This was something I had overlooked when I decided to sail away from the island. So the moon shining bright as it is tonight, it is truly wonderful. Its beauty captivates me, and I feel as though I have spent a whole hour doing nothing but looking up at the full moon.

Darkness...could this darkness of the night be something like the darkness that I sense in my mind? The darkness that shrouds my memory with uncertainty, hiding what I want to know, what needs to be known. It is no wonder why I do not like the dark. It blinds me, it makes me scared, it hides from me what I want. I want to expel this darkness seizing my mind. I need the full moon of tonight to give me light to see what I need to see. But the full moon is an omen. What will happen tonight? Will I find this full moon tonight? What if it is not there? What will I do then? What if I do find it, and like a vampire or a werewolf, I am turned into something that I do not want to be? Will it change me? And by how much? Will this full moon illuminate the darkness in my head, or will it plunge it even deeper to my memory?

One of the I-Class destroyers wriggles up to my lap, and I pick him up and hold him close to my chest. This body is cold and wet with the lucidity of the ocean, but I find a certain warmth in this. Perhaps these destroyers may only be no better than dolls, but even dolls can keep a lone soul like this one company. A make-believe relationship is better than none at all. He asks me if this mission of mine will be successful, for he senses deep uncertainty residing in me. I tell him that I do not know. Both success and failure can result in devastating effects, for what I have to gain can be destructive to all involved. But the I-Class does not understand this, so I cannot tell him. He wishes me the best, that I find what I want. The destroyers want the best for me, and they will remind me of this no matter how many times they must do it.

Enough watching the moon...I must leave now. I hope that the ship girls are there when I arrive to tell me who I am. I know who to look for, I must now find them, and pray that they do not kill me first...


	13. Trust

I don't want to go back to that island...

I really don't want to go back.

I've already convinced the destroyers who've been escorting me so faithfully all this time to head back without me. It took me a long time to convince them to do so, because they did not want to leave me. But I couldn't make myself go back with them.

I don't want to go back, because now, I'm scared.

That girl I met yesterday night, when I wandered into the harbor, hoping for a slim chance that I may perhaps discover by dumb luck, that I would see her or that other girl, she...she is my sister. My ship sister.

Samidare. That...is her name.

I...cannot say that I fully remember. The name, the appearance, the touch, the warmth...it's all so...they are all so hazy in my mind. I...feel as though they are familiar, but...I cannot say exactly how.

But the fact that I perceive everything about that ship girl named Samidare as familiar cannot mean anything other than the fact that she is indeed my ship sister. She was not lying to me when she said that we were in fact siblings, and I...I knew it. I know it still. There is no doubt in my mind that my origins, the original me once upon a time belonged to the ship girls whom I must now declare my enemy.

It's just...the fact that I...I cannot seem to fully or firmly grasp the memories that make such things about Samidare so familiar is so...so _annoying._ I so desperately want to retake possession of the memories that will finally allow me to see that girl with the blue hair as my sister, not as an enemy or merely as another girl like me who can sail on water and fight with big guns.

It is because of this reason that I have spent this entire day alone, desperately clawing mentally at my own main processing unit in an attempt to search for the memory files that contain the experiences that provide the sensory information that I feel whenever I think about my ship sister Samidare. But even an entire day's search has proved futile. I have scoured my entire unit and have discovered nothing, not even anything remotely suspicious that may contain secret files that I have not been aware of. My memory pool consists of only memories that date back only as far as the day I had first gained consciousness, on that island, with Midway Princess, and it holds nothing else. There are no secretly coded memory files or any traces of deletion, for if there had been a few memory files that had been deleted, I would know if I dig up my change log, and there is nothing that is hiding behind walls of nonsensical code. I am, very strictly technically speaking, a fresh creation. I should have no memories of a past life, or even another life, period.

Clearly, what I feel in my chest contradicts all of this. There is a truth that exists beyond the grasp of the kind of truth that the science behind my life provides, and I have discovered it and confirmed it with a ship girl who claims to be my ship sister, whom I wholeheartedly believe. But in my mind, there is no use believing any kind of truth unless I can locate the source for the feelings that I have. I want to believe in this newfound truth that Samidare has enlightened me with, but my heart must believe it in conjunction with my mind.

That must be why I feel this eerie disconnect. My mind knows not what my heart knows. Does this mean that my heart is capable of recording memories on its own? But that would mean that there ought to be some kind of processor within my heart, and that...that just is not possible...I don't think. Abyssals do not have processors in their hearts, for it is simply inefficient and gives the organ another burden to carry. But there can't be any other reason why I feel this way, because...perhaps...it is because...it's the only way for this all to be possible.

Believing with one's heart...is this not something humans would do?

Could this imply that I am demonstrating human qualities? But...Abyssals are not human.

I'm confused.

But as confused as I am, I have made precious new memories of the previous night. I told Samidare that the Abyssals are my new family, and despite whatever my relationship with her may have been in the past, I could not deny my fellow comrades the recognition they deserved for being my own family too. But as I left, I recall not knowing whether or not I truly meant those words that came out of my throat. Do I think this? Do I seriously, honestly think this way? Because the embrace that my alleged ship sister Samidare gave me last night...it is unlike any embrace that any other Abyssal has given me - and by that, I mean only Ta-Class and Midway have ever embraced me. I thought I knew what the warmth of an embrace felt like, but Samidare taught me otherwise. I did not know warmth, and I certainly did not know love until Samidare took me in her hands and held my hands. Her hands and her body - compared to my Abyssal comrades, it was as though Samidare were on fire. Never mind the fact that her hair is colored blue like the blue of the ocean on a clear day - she was truly warm, so warm that my heart felt wrapped in her affection.

I now realize that this thing, this emotion called "love" is wholly missing from my relationships with my fellow Abyssals. Prior to my meeting with the girl named Samidare, love was only a word, but now I think I have a better understanding of what it truly is. I still have yet a lot to learn about it, but I think I have made some headway into understanding it just a little bit. Because in all of my interactions with my fellow comrades, nobody really showed me this. Ironically, the closest ones who ever got to that point were the destroyers themselves, for they are genuinely concerned with me. But they are not concerned about me because they are my siblings. They may claim that they love me, and I will tell them I love them back. But like pets, I cannot take my love for them seriously; nowhere as seriously as Samidare took it regarding me. Her eyes were those of a person who could tell no lie, and I, mesmerized by this, feel that distrusting her would be doing her a grave dishonor.

But my heart, as thawed as it has become from its frozen state, still is incapable of accepting that girl as my true sister. There is still some doubt left as residue, doubt that Samidare is in fact not a sibling of mine. I cannot help but believe that there may be a slim chance that I am being misled, even if it is not Samidare's own true intention to mislead me so. But I feel that something is off, something that is making me uncomfortable. Should I completely entrust myself to her, what would I do if I allow myself to become a target for her mission? Do I trust Samidare enough as a "sister" to let this happen, or is it because I simply do not trust myself enough to have the faith necessary to trust Samidare?

And what do I think about this classified mission that she has informed me of? More rather, what _should_ I think about it? Why did she even tell me about it? No, I shouldn't be asking that, I already know why she has told me, for she has divulged the reasons to me already. She wants me to join them. She wants me to return to her and the rest of my..."sisters". She claimed that there were people who know how to..."turn me back". But what if she is wrong? What if she is only trying to lure me into a trap? A trap in which I am captured, interrogated, perhaps tortured, maybe even killed - and I am forced to give up secrets about my comrades, willing or no?

 _Do I trust her enough?_

The same could be same of any of my current comrades. Do I trust any of them now? Did I ever trust them before last night? At first, I feel as though I had no choice but to trust them, my fellow Abyssals. After all, they were the ones who took care of me as I slowly got used to this body. But with this last attack on the enemy harbor, I feel that I have fallen heavily out of favor with many of them. They may not trust me, so I cannot expect myself to trust them in return. I suppose it is more out of obligation that I feel I must still trust them and consider them my family as of now. But is that what I want? When I compare this to the kind of family that I am potentially able to gain by trusting the word of someone who may or may not be my ship sister and is definitely my enemy -

Do I want to keep my life the way it is? Or do I want to risk everything for the prospect of returning to a family who may miss me?

I was a coward...like I had been on the day of the attack. When Samidare asked me to trust her, I could not help but nod. That was the only response I could give. I did not want to tell her no to her face. I did not want to feel as though I was hurting her feelings. I think it is very difficult for me to ignore what I see. Perhaps this girl named Samidare, someone I feel very close to somehow, is just lying straight to my face. Maybe she is simply feeding me lies, words that only have sentimental value and nothing else. Maybe she really is trying to lure me into a trap. But take it for what you will, I couldn't say no to her face, because I was afraid of what kind of look she would give me then. I...don't want to think about it. It makes me...shudder...

Will I be able to return? I have no choice; I must. Should I stay away from the island, away from the rest of my Abyssal comrades, they will be afraid that I may have defected to the enemy or something like that. It is bad enough that I had left without letting anyone know. I must go back. But knowing the things I know now makes it very hard for me to do so. The knowledge that I have that can possibly break my life in half - never would I have ever imagined thinking to myself that knowledge is more dangerous than a 500-kilogram bomb, but it is. The knowledge that I may not be who I think I am, the knowledge that I may have had a life before this life, the knowledge that there may be people who may care for me and love me more than the people that I know much better do - I don't want to think about such things, but I have to. Now that I know, I cannot stop knowing. Now that I know, I cannot stop myself from wanting to know more. Thus begins this vicious cycle of knowing, wanting to know more, and clawing at my brain and heart for anything that will fulfill my desires of precise knowledge.

I want to have somebody to trust. But right now, I have no one. Not even myself.


	14. Alone

Alone.

I told the destroyers who came with me to Yokosuka Naval Yards to head back without me. When they asked me why, I simply told them to go. There was no point in asking me anything. They tried to be persistent, telling me that it would be better if they went with me. The I-Class seemed to understand what my intentions were, because he told me that they would follow me anywhere, even if wherever it was that I wanted to go wasn't the place I was supposed to be.

That's what I am to them. The Destroyer Princess.

I wish I wasn't a princess.

Eventually, I was able to convince them that it was not going to take long, that I would be back home with the others in no time. I could sense their uncertainty as they swam away slowly, as though unwilling to part with me even though such were my orders for them. I waved goodbye to them. I do not know if that may be the last time for me to do so. After only knowing them for a mere two weeks...

Truly, for the first time, I am solitary in the wake of my own presence. Floating on this water, feeling my body dip and bob with the waves, I now realize that while I may have felt psychologically lonely, this is the first time I am alone in all senses of the word. And it is not quite as bad as I may have thought. It is peaceful, being alone. Solitude has given me time to think, a space to be honest with myself without having to worry about others learning of my thoughts or distracting me from telling myself what must be said.

Samidare...Shigure...onee-san.

I have decided to trust that ship girl named Samidare. She who claimed to be my younger sister from my previous life before my current...she did not seem like the kind of person who would lie about something about this. Because what is important to me right now is that I _did_ have a family...once upon a time. The names are familiar to me, and in my mind, I am able to connect name and image together, and the feeling is familiar. I do know those ship girls...the ship girls who are supposed to be my enemy. The concrete knowledge may be missing or subdued, but the feelings, the emotions are still there in my heart, making it ache whenever I think of them. I think about how beautiful that Samidare was...her vivid skin, her wonderful blue hair, and her mesmerizing blue eyes...I wish I could be that beautiful. Whenever I look at myself in the water's reflection, whenever it can show it to me, the pale skin, the purple eyes, this sickening blend of pink and purple that stains my hair...everything about myself, all of my physical features I compare with Samidare's, and I find myself disgusted and saddened. Samidare is a normal ship girl. If I truly was her ship sister at one point, that must mean that something had been done to me that changed me into this monster.

I have seen beauty, and all else falters before it.

Now, I find myself floating on the waters fifty kilometers from the Japanese district of Chiba, at the designated coordinates that Samidare has given me. I want to know everything. That girl, that ship girl who is supposed to be my enemy - now, I find myself filled with hope that perhaps there is an answer to all of this. I was allowed a foot into the door; now, I want to do whatever is necessary to pry that door open as far as I can to slip inside, into the warmth of the family that resides inside...a family that I feel I belonged to, but was taken away from. I want to know everything that happened. Samidare alone has offered me this help. And I mean no offense to anyone whom I have met so far, like Midway Princess, Harbor Princess, Re-Class, Hoppo, everyone, but...nobody, none of my fellow Abyssals...none of them can offer me what I want to know. And I have even gotten the feeling that something was being held from me, something that I ought to know. I don't like that. Friends or allies or whatever, I have come to the conclusion that I really do not like it when things are kept secret from me, especially when they directly concern me. Samidare, from my few moments with her, has _only_ told me things that I've wanted to hear, what I've wanted to know all this time.

So I await her arrival patiently here. The clouds obscure the night skies above me, so I am not able to watch the moon as I usually spend my nights. I hope that this does not bear an ill omen for me for tomorrow.

I know that to my fellow Abyssals, what I am about to do will most likely be considered treasonous. My activities with Samidare, a ship girl who is our known and sworn enemy, responsible for the deaths of many of our comrades and the destruction of our home sector, will be labelled as collaborating with the enemy, scheming, everything. Perhaps as a result of this, I may never be able to return to the Abyssals. Thinking about this prospect makes me...very sad. So sad, in fact, that I am almost crying at the thought.

I don't want to let go so soon of the friends that I have made in the Abyssal fleet. Though they may be hiding some things from me, I never wanted to jeopardize my relationships with them. I want to still stay friends with everyone, become friends with everyone if I haven't done so already. And, especially, the destroyers. The destroyers are my best friends in the Abyssal fleet by far...no surprise considering what my name is. I am the Princess of the destroyers, and they are my friends. They are simple, honest, and caring. While these traits of theirs may be the simple result of their limited intelligence as sentient beings, I do not care for technicalities; they have proved to be closer friends in a shorter amount of time than anybody else I have encountered in the Abyssal fleet. They are the ones who beckon me back to the Abyssal fleet, back to that small island. Their telepathic voices haunt my memory files, and I keep playing back their light, sorrowful voices in my head.

Oh no...I really am crying now. I don't think I can stop them...the tears, from...from my eyes.

I already miss my destroyer friends. I wish...I wish I did not tell them to go back without me.

I take it back. Being lonely is...not peaceful. It's not peaceful at all.

I don't want to leave my poor destroyers behind. Because...because I know what they would say, what they would think, what their pitiful voices would sound like when they learn of my disappearance. And I cannot bear to think of what they might think of me when they realize that their princess has run off with the enemy...defected, betrayed. What would they think of me...? No...no, I can't think about it...I shouldn't think about it...

Against my will, my weak mind forces me to wail into the night. Because at least when I am completely alone, by myself, in the middle of the ocean like I am now, I never have to worry about anyone hearing me scream with pain flowing out of my lungs. I do not want to appear weak, frightened, and worthless, and crying does exactly that. I don't want to cry. But I have to. It is the only way in which I know how to atone for the betrayal that I am about to commit to my comrades in the Abyssals, but specifically the I-Class, the Ha-Class, Ro-Class, and the Ni-Class - all of the destroyers. If only I could explain to them what I wanted, what I intended. But there is no way to go about doing so in a manner that would be satisfactory for all parties involved...including myself.

Is this what I wanted all along? When I first awakened two weeks ago, I was simply content with serving with my Abyssal brethren and doing whatever was told of me, and perhaps make a few friends along the way. I had my reservations, sure, but before the offensive against the enemy naval yards, the infectious desire to know everything about myself was never this fierce. Now I have been sickened too much to go back. I have been infected too severely with the virus of curiosity, and look what it has done to me, my allies, and my friends. For all of my own selfish desires to figure out who I really am, I have gone about hurting virtually everyone I have made contact with. Midway Princess...I have damaged her reputation by failing her when she invested her trust in me that I could adequately lead that attack on the Yokosuka Naval Yards. Ta-Class...I thought I had gotten her sunk in that battle because of my own severe negligence, and not even knowing that she has returned alive can comfort me all that much more. Everyone in the fleet who participated in that attack, everyone who'd died...the destroyers whom I am most conscious of leaving behind, the ones whom I valued the most for their companionship.

To think that I wanted to ask more of the destroyers...to think that I at one point felt dissatisfied with them as companions. I'm so ashamed of myself. A wretched Abyssal soul like me, making demands about what kinds of friends she prefers...ugh. Beggars cannot be choosers, and yet there I was, at one point, wondering why my destroyer friends could not have the same cognitive capacities as other Abyssal ship girls. As if it could have been _their_ own fault! As if it could have been _their_ own fault for not being as smart as they ought to be! Why is it that even for the enemy ship girls, why is it that _their_ destroyers are all ship girls just like me?

Why is it that the more I think about my own Abyssal fleet and everyone I know in it...the uglier they all seem to become?

Why could they - we - not have been built just as beautiful as Samidare? I bet that in the enemy fleet, there are no ship girls who have bleached white skin like we do. I bet that they do not have sickening colors that taint their hair like we do, if at all. When I think of Re-Class, Ri-Class, Chi-Class...can we even really be called ship "girls"? I myself have no legs - what kind of a girl has no legs and must levitate in order to move about?

I must ask myself again: is this what I wanted all this time? To sabotage my allies and comrades in battle? To attempt to create friendships with my fellow Abyssals for the sole purpose of avoiding the torturous feeling of being alone, like I am experiencing now? To undeservedly earn the loyalty and companionship of the destroyers who prefer to be with me than with any other Abyssal, just to throw it away behind their backs?

Nnnggghhh...

If...if, perhaps, the theory that...that I truly am a former ship girl, captured by these Abyssals whom I now consider my comrades and sisters-at-arms, proves to be true, then...then I feel that the decision to create me from what I was prior was a grave mistake. Whoever constructed me has built a monster in disguise.

They should have never constructed me in the first place.

I remember that Samidare...told me about the Abyssals' attack on their base in Okinawa, before I was awakened. How many of the ship girls there became heavily damaged, a few even sunk.

In light of everything that has happened so far...I would rather that I have sunk with the others right there at Okinawa. It would have been...simpler...for everyone.

Will this all simply end in disaster too? Please...please, just this once...I don't want to bring disaster even to Samidare...

Please, don't...I am begging...please, don't...


	15. Nightmare

Everything that I have done feels wrong.

The ship girl that I met three days ago at the Yokosuka Naval yards and made that promise with is sailing next to me, carrying her sister on her back. The one she calls "Shigure". Samidare is carrying Shigure on her back, having allocated her gearbox, a large metal box that contains her ship weaponry, to me to carry for her. Both of them are quite damaged. I am too, but my injuries are nothing compared to theirs.

I was very scared when I saw her for the first time. When Samidare landed on the water and made her way over to me, I was so relieved to see her again. Just that alone scared me enough...being relieved to see a girl who is supposed to be my enemy. Have I already resigned myself to the other side so quickly? Just because these girls tell me that they are my true sisters, just because they are telling me what I want to hear...or what I _think_ I want to hear? It scared me...knowing that I had already thought of this enemy as a friend instead. But this is a fear I was already willing to face. After all, simply making that promise with her those few days ago should have taught me that already. But she did not come alone; her sister, _my_ sister, Shigure...

She is a monster. And I say this knowing that I, too, am a monster.

I sense a deep, pervasive, powerful, but parasitic power residing inside Shigure. It is inaccurate to even call it a "power" or an "energy source". It is an _entity_. I do not know how else to describe it. There is something _living_ inside of her, something...something... _demonic._

Why is it that an Abyssal like me, whose comrades possess sentient weaponry and, in the case of Re-Class, even sentient body parts, finds this _thing_ living inside of the ship girl known as Shigure as frightening? Why? I...I do not understand. And it is just as I how felt about this whole situation initially...that if, if I attempt to comprehend this...this unknown entity inside her that seems to be... _observing_ all of us...through the eyes of Shigure herself, that...that I will suffer some kind of horrible fate, as though that entity will see through me and devour me whole. But while I appear to be a monster compared to someone like Samidare, what does that...make Shigure? What is she, if she too is a monster?

Do monsters fear monsters?

Shigure even embraced me when I stood there, frozen on the water, at our rendezvous. I felt as though my soul, if I have a soul, was being sucked out of my very pores. I heard her heartbeat pulse with mine... _synchronize_ with mine. Shigure only stopped embracing me because she realized that I was trembling terribly with fear. She realized that something was wrong with her that I did not like. But when the two of them asked me to explain why I was acting the way I did, I could not explain my fear to them. How could I possibly explain to them that there was something living inside Shigure that was...well, I hesitate to call it _evil_ , but...something so...so...hidden...and...sinister?

But they forced it out of me eventually anyway. I told Shigure that she was too strong for her own good. There was something about her that was soul-shaking, assuming we ship girls even have souls. I told her that whatever she was, Shigure was _not_ a destroyer. Not with all that power.

It took me a few minutes to convince the two of them that there was ultimately nothing to worry about, that I could handle being around Shigure. That...that I was in fact more afraid that what I was doing would potentially come back to get me into dire straits with my Abyssal comrades. I made it clear to them that by colluding with them in their mission that I was jeopardizing my own status in the fleet from which I had come, so we had to make this mission a success; otherwise, I would not know what my fellow Abyssals would do to me. There had never before been such an incident within the Abyssal ranks, I don't think...that an Abyssal like me would defect to the enemy, much less an Abyssal of status like myself, the Destroyer Princess.

They assured me that they would bring me with them to America. They promised that they would never leave me behind. Shigure gave me another hug, despite my fear of what lay inside her. She promised me that she would no longer be a neglectful ship sister.

"I will turn you back to the Harusame we know," she said to me. "I must make up for lost time. I want to be your older sister again, Harusame."

Harusame...that name...that is supposed to be mine. When Shigure and Samidare call me by this name, it sounds eerily...natural. It sounds...proper. As though it truly is my name. But whenever I try to address myself as such, it never does. It...toys with my mind so much.

At their insistence, I revealed to them everything I know about us Abyssals operating near the country of Japan. I told them about the two separate fleets of Abyssals, one of which should be investigating the coast near the coordinates of 38.185623, 138.927367. The other fleet is located at 32.443259, 139.769826...the fleet that I myself belonged to. Those were the only Abyssal forces that I knew of within the immediate vicinity of Japan; should there be any more, they would be outside of my knowledge. And given that I believe I was treated as one of the higher-ranking Abyssals within my fleet, even by those who did not truly value my leadership (justifiably so), I doubt that any knowledge of other Abyssal contingencies should have escaped me. They tried to ask me for more information, but I could not. I had told them everything; telling them anything more would be asking me to give up my personal relationships with the fellow Abyssals of mine with whom I have managed to make relationships. That I am unable to do. It is enough that I have already betrayed my fellow comrades' trust in me as a fellow Abyssal and even their exact locations; I said that they were asking too much of me to reveal any more.

Shigure at first became impatient and angry with me, which made me feel that same sense of fear and fright from her again. I was genuinely scared that she would attack me, and whatever that thing was, that entity living inside her, would surface and lash out at me too. She said that the Abyssals were not my friends. They had kidnapped me and turned me into one of their own kind against my will. But as much as that might be true, given that it now appears that my true origins may lie with ship girls like Samidare and Shigure, I do not know that myself. My only knowledge of the Abyssals is one of comradeship and sisterhood. They were my friends and comrades, and in my mind, they still are. Even if the person who is supposed to be my older sister tells me otherwise, I cannot simply abandon my old life simply because I think that this new one will somehow dramatically change me. Samidare, fortunately, came to my rescue and convinced Shigure to calm down. Samidare appears to be more understanding of my situation. She has never yet gotten angry at me.

I feel very safe around Samidare. Juxtaposed next to Shigure, Samidare feels so soothing to be with.

But after those first few hours of talk, we fell silent. Half of me wanted to make conversation with them, but the other, stronger half of me said that talking to them was risky and dangerous. What if I made Shigure angry again? What if I talked in a way that would alienate Samidare to me? I wouldn't want that. It felt...awkward. If they were not talking, I felt that I could not.

We remained this way until some three hours ago. As I feared, we were attacked by Abyssals who had somehow found our location. They could have tracked us from Japan, from our rendezvous point, but that seems unlikely because I would have most likely been able to sense fellow Abyssal presence. I believe that it may be due to Abyssal patrols picking up my signature as we began to enter North Pacific waters, an unfamiliar territory to me. What other Abyssals are doing here is out of my knowledge, but they began to attack us.

At first, I did not want to attack back. It was enough that I was already being caught red-handed being in collusion with two ship girls, our biggest enemy. I did not want to incur their wrath any further by attacking those who are my own blood sisters. But the more Shigure screamed at me to help Samidare fight, the more Samidare screamed back at Shigure not to yell at me...

And while the two of them were busy fighting for their lives, a Ri-Class approached me. And thus she spoke:

"Why, Princess? Why have you abandoned us? To be traveling with our enemy - have you become corrupted?"

Corrupted? By what? By whom? Is it not we, the Abyssals, who seem more corrupted than they?

I tried to explain myself. I had reason to believe that I had another life, a life before my time as an Abyssal. I was merely trying to confirm this possibility, and by doing so, I knew that what I was doing was contrary to my identity as an Abyssal. But I simply needed time.

"Then what, Princess? Even if what you claim is true, what will that mean for you? If you find out that you perhaps were an enemy ship girl at one point, would you decide to return to us anyway, or, more likely, will you remain with the enemy instead? And what if you find out that you never were part of their ranks, that you were always an Abyssal and somehow you let yourself be fooled by their sugarcoated words? Return to us and suffer the consequences? This has never happened before, Princess. No Abyssal has defected and returned to tell the tale. The Admiral will hear to your sins if you do return. I want you to know this."

We could not converse for much longer, as I saw Shigure sacrifice herself to take a few hits for Samidare. By this point, they could not fight by themselves when outnumbered some one to a dozen. I apologized deeply to the Ri-Class, but I declared that I could not sit by and watch these ship girls sink before me. Even if their words truly are sugarcoated, they are the words that give me hope, even if it is a false hope.

By attacking my own Abyssals, I know I have committed a grave sin that all Abyssals who come to learn of my actions will undoubtedly look down upon. But we Abyssals are replaceable. We all know that we all have reinforcements that can be spared. Shigure and Samidare...I do not feel that they have the same advantage. Otherwise, the ship girl that I maybe have once been should have been reconstructed too...

But I did not have to fight for long. Shigure...that thing living inside of her, it...it decided that it had enough. I could feel its surge before anyone else...and it turned Shigure into that monster that I had sensed she would become. It was...awful. She ceased fighting like a ship girl, and instead she began to fight like a demon. The Abyssals...turned into blood...sometimes without Shigure even touching them. I didn't know what was going on. One minute I saw Samidare and Shigure bleeding, on the water, weakened...the next minute I beheld Shigure surrounded by bodies.

The entire ocean was painted with large streaks of red.

And that smile...that smile...

It will give me nightmares...nightmares...nightmares.

Samidare has been carrying Shigure, who has fallen unconscious, for two hours now. She used her supplies to heal Shigure. She did not even stop to heal herself, even though I wanted to tell her that she ought to have. But she has not ever uttered a single word of complaint or tire, even though it is easy to see that she is suffering a great deal.

I wonder...would Samidare...do such a thing...for me, too?


	16. Unleashed

I have unlocked my serenity...at the cost of both of my sisters.

I mourned their deaths for many an hour tonight. There is no moon visible tonight to warm me in its lunar warmth...the clouds are unsympathetic, the rain is cold, damp, and cruel, and I resent all of them heavily.

Earlier this morning, when the dawn broke into the sky, Samidare requested my counsel in regards to a possible change of course. She stated that their mission profile labelled the American-controlled archipelago known as Hawaii as an emergency port for refuge from the Abyssals. There are allegedly American naval forces stationed there, so if we could reach Hawaii in time, we may be able to find respite and supplies and time to mend our wounds...well, _their_ wounds. I thought it a wise maneuver - not only would it throw off any possible Abyssal forces trying to pursue us, but we could ensure our survival. It seemed to me, judging by the description of their mission, that survival is infinitely more important than punctuality - therefore, a detour to Hawaii seemed sensible enough.

Again, however, my Abyssal brethren struck again. They somehow foresaw this possibility of us attempting to seek safehaven at Hawaii and therefore blockaded our path. In hindsight, I am now able to see that the Abyssals had intended to chase us away from Hawaii straight into their trap that they had set up for us once we were turned away from the islands.

They closed in from all sides - their formations were ringed, made up of three such rings that converged on our position when we were none the wiser. I detected these movements all too late - by the time I realized what they were about to do, their bombardment lines had already launched their first volley. The outermost ring was composed of Abyssal heavy cruisers, mainly Ri-Class. The second ring was composed of light cruisers - Chi-Class torpedo cruisers and more standard Ho-Class and He-Class cruisers. The innermost ring closest to us was made up of destroyers. They did not attack me, for they recognized me as the Destroyer Princess, but they attacked Shigure and Samidare relentlessly.

Given our weakened and compromised conditions, it did not take long for the Abyssals to make short work Samidare. While I did fight, it was as though my fellow Abyssals simply ignored me due to their vastly superior numbers and focused their efforts on bringing down Samidare instead, and she fell protecting Shigure. She fought for as long as she could with Shigure on her back until she could stand no more - all of the guns in her gearbox were destroyed or disabled, and the combined explosive output of three torpedoes finally tore her right leg off from just below the knee, and she collapsed.

When she did, I knew that she was going to sink, that she would not survive this battle. Even so, seeing her fall like this was...terrible. It was truly tragic. I spent an entire night with this ship girl, who carried her own wounded sister on her own back despite bearing wounds of her own, and still bravely fought back against an insurmountable enemy, all while taking damage in place of her own sister.

I stood in the way of the Ta-Class who was aiming her guns to exterminate Samidare. She asked me to move out of the way, that if possible, she did not want to lay her guns on another fellow Abyssal, especially one of my status as one of the Princesses. At first, my memories with the Ta-Class I knew back in my own fleet started to come back to me, but I did not let them hinder my actions. I would not budge and instead primed my own guns towards her. Sooner or later, I declared, I must be the one with whom she and the rest of the Abyssals must contend.

But it was not to be. Shigure suddenly awakened as Samidare finally lost the strength to even struggle to sit up and fell sideways into the water. As though she did not frighten me enough, I only realized that she was up and walking when she put her hand on my shoulder and pushed me gently aside. When she put her hand on my shoulder, whatever warmth I felt within my body felt as though it was being drained through a valve. Her signature - she had none. She had no signature. She did not show up on my radar or sensors or any detection program.

I could not tell whether or not she was already dead at that point, and that her body had then been completely taken over by that...dark entity within her. But considering that Shigure's eyes were crying blood, I would not think this an impossibility. There were strange characters that I feel I could have read at one point in my life etched around her wrists, and blood was pouring down from her back behind her gearbox, which is odd because with the gearbox placed as it was, it would have been impossible for her to be wounded on the back.

We were outnumbered three to one hundred and eighty six. Shigure killed them all, in exchange for her own life...whatever was left.

As deathly afraid as I was, this ship girl was still my comrade. When she fell following her last stand, I, having picked up the body of Samidare and took her upon my back much as she had done for her own sister, also caught Shigure from sinking. This time, she truly was dead - her heartbeat had ceased.

Something about holding these two ship girls in my arms, both dead before me...made me weep for them at that point. Sisters or not, I felt...very saddened by their deaths. How could I? I was their enemy, and they were mine. In a sense, part of me merely regarded my cooperation with them as a necessary evil on my part; I was only colluding with them for my own selfish gain and nothing else. I wanted to use them to find out what kind of a person I was before I became the Destroyer Princess.

My sadness was not to last for long. Shigure's sacrifice only dealt with half of the Abyssal ambush attack, for another fleet of Abyssals came to replace the ones Shigure had sunk...as though they had actually accounted for something like this to happen. This time, these Abyssals were led by a Battleship Princess. She told me to stand down and surrender; even though they knew not my intentions to cooperating with our enemies, I was to face severe punishment carried out by our Admiral himself, and that my cooperation here with them may assist me in receiving a less severe punishment. I asked Battleship Princess what she would do with these bodies; I saw that the Abyssal reinforcements boasted submarines in the fleet, so simply dropping the bodies to let them sink into the water would have done nothing but allow them to be captured. The story that Samidare told me, the possibility of myself being turned into one of the Abyssals due to my capture at their hands - I would expect the same to befall Samidare and Shigure.

Battleship Princess replied that indeed, they would capture these bodies and return to base with them and hand them over to the Admiral. There was much to learn about these enemy ship girls; Battleship Princess told me of a time when we Abyssals had gotten a glimpse of their true power during our time when our home sector of Koprulu. Even if they were dead, even the bodies would be of use.

At that moment, a tempting, warped thought crept into my mind. If I so elected...I could have very well simply given the bodies to Battleship Princess. These ship girls claim to be my sisters, but as much as I may feel that it could be a possibility, I cannot know for sure until we reach our - their - intended destination. And even then, how am I to know for sure that their promise would hold true? These ship girls, as I had thought might be the case before rendezvousing with them at the beginning of this mission, may very well be intentionally lying to me, feeding sweet lies and nothings to my ears for the sake of ensuring their own survival in this risky mission of theirs. They might even not be my own sisters, and that they were using some kind of hidden power or device that was exerting some kind of influence over me...although this, in hindsight, no longer seems possible since I felt no different following each of their deaths. Nevertheless, I could have given the two up to my fellow Abyssals. And after suffering whatever punishment would be in store for me for defecting, I would simply wait until both Samidare and Shigure were Abyssalized...like myself, if their story is to be true.

And if their story really _is_ true...seeing Samidare and Shigure become an Abyssal, just like I had become, would be...a quiet joy in and of itself. I could sit back and watch those two struggle with their own consciences, their own identities, much as I have been doing all this time. I could even become _their_ older sister. And then, regardless of our pasts, we all could become sisters... _forever_.

Though as tempting as this thought was, the more compelling thought that almost caused me to surrender and stand down was the remote impossibility of this mission somehow succeeding. Samidare and Shigure were the two to initiate this mission; I had nothing to do with it at first. It would make no sense for me to continue a mission that my own enemies have started, regardless of my involvement in it or my relationship to these two ship girls. I wouldn't know where to go without their guidance, and now that they were both sunk, if I fought back, I would be on my own, like a blind fish in the water, swimming about helplessly in a big, vast ocean in the night until fed upon by the sharking Abyssals waiting to strike when I could no longer sustain myself. Should I decide to continue this quest, not only would I have to make sure both of the bodies remain secure throughout the rest of the journey, but I would have to do this by myself.

But I did not give into my temptations. Though this was the harder choice in my opinion, I declined Battleship Princess's order. I did not want to betray these ship girls. They never once doubted my comradeship. Even though they did not have to, they treated me as though I were still the sister they claim I was. Perhaps to them this was natural, but to me, I would be lying if I claimed not to appreciate it. Even Shigure, whom I was afraid of because of her hidden power, treated me well during our brief time together.

I detached the destroyers that act as my gun turrets and ordered them to hold the bodies for me. I confronted Battleship Princess and said that I would not betray these ship girls. I had experienced their comradeship, and I could not face them as my personal enemy anymore after spending these last few days with them. Why were we even fighting? These ship girls did not seem like the kind of people we were told they were. Were we fighting because they were truly the terrible enemy we believed them to be, or simply because we were ordered to believe them as such? Either way, I would not stand down.

Armed with my sentiments and my determination, I accepted my own fate to join Samidare and Shigure in death. When I came to, I found my destroyer turrets floating with me, and I was surrounded in a complete sea of blood.

 _This_ is what serenity truly is. I wonder...if the same power once dwelt within that of Shigure. And, by extension...whether it could also dwell inside of Samidare too.


	17. Not Harusame

I remember it all now.

My serenity has overridden the locked parts of my memory files that I had previously been unable to access. They had always been there, but they had been coded in such a way that I could never find them even if I probed through my memory bank a thousand times, much less reach them to know that they were there in the first place.

Therefore, I found the golden cove of memories. All the answers that I wanted to find and know, they had been stored inside my own head all this time, as I thought might have been the case. With the help of these recovered memories of a person I no longer am, I recalculated my route to our destination, the San Pedro Fuel Depot in Southern California.

I have spent almost all of today rewatching the memory files of the ship girl I once was, whose name was Harusame, the same name by which these ship girls my destroyers are now carrying had addressed me. They were right. We were sisters once. Sister ship girls of the same class called the Shiratsuyu-Class destroyers, one of the most powerful destroyer classes ever built by the Moebius Four Armament Program. I was the fifth such destroyer, a shy and timid but bright and optimistic girl with pink hair and a white beret.

I still can't believe I really was this person, once upon a time. How could I have been this person? I am not bright, and I am not optimistic. I am shy and timid, and certainly not in the same way that Harusame was. I can feel my head pounding - my main processing unit itself cannot handle this conflict of memories - it doesn't know what to do. _I_ don't know what to do.

But what I do know now is that I feel utterly disgusted at myself. Although I do find it difficult to face the truth that I was once this Harusame person, at the same time, when I compare the image of that girl with myself in my head, Harusame appears so much more appealing in so many ways. It must be so nice to possess a personality like that, to have such vibrantly colored hair and be so close with other ship girls who are your sisters. Even her voice...I keep playing it back in my own head, over and over. I sound nothing like that now. Harusame's voice was filled with eagerness, willingness, and life. Mine...mine sounds like emptiness. The pink hair, the red eyes...such bright colors, such life in them. My own hair and eyes...purple. Just purple. Lifeless, disgusting purple. I may as well drag up seaweed floating in the ocean and slap it on my hair and eyes and call it a day.

The point is that I feel so rotten now. I mentioned before that I had been sensing a smaller form of this as I was getting used to this body after awakening as the Destroyer Princess, especially after seeing Samidare up close during our first meeting at the nighttime harbor, but now, with my memories as "Harusame" intact and fully accessible, I just...I don't...I feel so... _dirty_. I can't help but feel that I've been corrupted, sullied, and warped. The fact that it is unthinkable to me that I would have acted in the way that Harusame had acted before drives this home. Taken from my friends and family, turned into this...this abomination of a ship girl...

I wonder how on Earth Shigure and Samidare were able to look past the fact that I was somebody else and still see me as their own sister. Somehow, they were able to see the sister that is trapped in this body and treat me as though I were as good as her, when clearly I'm not. I am the ragged, destitute dregs of what used to be Harusame. I am not their sister. And if I were in their position, and I had to deal with a sister who had been turned into an Abyssal like me, I would be so disgusted. Would that be what Harusame would think, too? Probably not, for Harusame and I are too clearly two different personalities, two different entities. We are not the same. Therefore, I cannot be the sister of the two who have died for me.

But they treated me as such. That much stands as the truth.

I have tried to see if there were any memories that my main processing unit secretly contained that documented the transitional period between my state as Harusame, the ship girl, and my current state as the Destroyer Princess, the elite Abyssal. So far, I have come up with none. The last thing that Harusame remembers is sailing out a bit into the sea, outside that naval base in Okinawa, enjoying the fresh early morning sea breeze before being rendered unconscious by something heavy hitting her in the head. The very next memory is mine - waking up next to Midway Princess, in that small hut on the small island in the middle of the ocean. The dates are over a month apart. There is a huge gap in between them...and that must have been the time during which I was turned into the Destroyer Princess.

If it is any comfort to me, with my newfound disgust for this kind of body I am now trapped in, my serenity, also newfound, seems to have filled me with a sense of quiet confidence that I know I did not have before. Perhaps this is because I know that with my power, I can defy the odds...at the cost of letting myself go. No, never mind that, that will only take me down a mental path I do not wish to have any part of. What's done is done...

I do know that my eyes are now glowing, burning brightly with the Abyssal haze that I have seen present on many of my own Abyssal comrades. I thought that perhaps this was merely a cosmetic appearance, seeing how often I saw it on us Abyssals. Interestingly, now that I think about it, I had never seen any of us elite Abyssals have such hazes. Midway Princess had none, Harbor Princess had none, Hoppo had none either. Perhaps only when we use our serenity is when our eyes glow. My eyes have been glowing the entire day. I hope that this does not become a problem. There is much to learn about my serenity that is currently a mystery, and maybe I can only discover more about it through fighting. I do not know what I would do if it turns out that fighting and massacring many, many enemies is what I must do to uncover the truth about my serenity.

I do not want to become an even bigger monster than I already am.

My mind is wandering again as I sail these quiet waters of the Pacific Ocean in the night. We are a few hours away from the coast of Canada, if my navigational sensors prove to be correct. Another full day of sailing, and we should reach our destination by midnight tomorrow. Now that we have entered this side of the hemisphere, Abyssal presence seems to have dispersed. Perhaps they are wary of American waters...or perhaps simply not authorized to be here. Either way, I must take advantage of these peaceful waters.

There is something disturbing about the sight of myself transporting the two dead bodies of ship girls who were once my sisters. I still wonder if my decision to join Shigure and Samidare was the correct one. It could have been because of my presence that they were able to use to track us down and sink them. I suppose that there would have been a fair chance that even if I did not join them, if my Abyssal brethren had detected them sailing across the Pacific anyway, Midway Princess might have sent me to attack them anyway to redeem myself after my catastrophic failure at the naval yards. In this sense, I suppose...their mission was never meant to be. A daring gambit, yes, but...when the risks are too great, no reward, no matter how much greater, can be fulfilled. I suppose I can console myself by telling myself that had I not gone with them on this mission, they may have reached America safely and without trouble. But after making that promise with Samidare...I wonder...I really wonder.

I know that Harusame, the ship girl I once was, would have most definitely mourned for the deaths of her sisters beside me. She would most definitely hug their bodies, stain her clothes in their blood, and let her shrill cry pierce the thunder clouds and her tears stain the waters of the great ocean. She held both Shigure and Samidare up in the highest regards, they being veteran ship girls by the time she had been posted to the Okinawa base, and loved them as sisters. I cannot bring myself to do the same. Not because I do not care for them, I do. But only as comrades. As it still stands, I still believe that they are my enemy. I may not be an enemy to them because in their minds I am still their sister and therefore not a true Abyssal with hostile intentions towards them. They are my enemy, but only because I am an Abyssal and I still find it hard to believe that there is such an operation that exists that will convert me back to the girl I once was. I did not cry for them after I wiped out the rest of the Abyssals giving chase to us - I merely loaded their bodies on my gun destroyers, and with them, I began sailing for our final destination. I did not ponder about their deaths, mourn for them, or embrace them and wish for a better outcome.

I do not know if what I have been doing was the right things to do.

Assuming that this...operation to turn me back into the ship girl that I was supposed to be is successful, I wonder if I will keep the persona that I have now as Destroyer Princess, or if I will revert back to that of Harusame. The other ship girls who were Abyssalized before me, Yuudachi and Kitakami, seemed to go back to normal following their own operations. But they had attacked their own ship sisters at the time of their re-capture. I, on the other hand, did not. What does that mean for me? Will I be Destroyer Princess trapped in Harusame's body? This actually worries me a great deal, because I would much rather prefer Harusame claim the rightful spot in her body. If the operation is successful, I do not want to accidentally usurp this body away from her. She belongs in this vessel, not I. My time, while short, is enough.

My purpose in this mission now is to bring back the old Harusame, the Harusame that Shigure and Samidare both recognize in me. Perhaps they never treated me, the Destroyer Princess, as their sister. Perhaps they simply ignored me and only saw Harusame in me, instead of Harusame trapped inside the Destroyer Princess's body. Although it saddens me a bit to think of this possibility as true, I do not mind. I am simply a corrupt, decayed fluke, a fraudulent mimicry of the ship girl named Harusame. The faster I am done away with, the better. Besides, most likely, it is not I whom Samidare and Shigure desire in me anyway. They probably could not care less about the well-being of the "Destroyer Princess". And I suppose that is the way things ought to be.

Wait, what's this...

A heartbeat?

Coming from...

Samidare?

But how? I thought...she was dead...?

Samidare! Please, speak to me. How did you come back to life...?


	18. Cherish

I do not know if Abyssals believe in the human concept of God...or a religion, or anything of the sort. Because our lives are the result of mechanical construction, we seldom have reason to believe in supernatural things such as miracles.

Says an Abyssal with an ungodly supernatural power.

But to describe both Shigure's and Samidare's resurrections as anything other than blatant miracles would be either understating them or simply inaccurate. Both of my - no, Harusame's sisters had no reason to simply... _magically_ come back to life as they have. Dead people don't come back to life. Sunken warships do not float up to the surface on their own.

Am I complaining? Never. If there is a greater power that exists in this world and it, he, she, whoever, has decided to grant us mercy, then I am eternally grateful. Now that I know where Shigure's and Samidare's intended destination is, I suppose the developers could have reconstructed them on their own, so long as I successfully reached their base. But I would be lying if I claimed that I did not feel overjoyed and supremely relieved when Samidare first came to, followed by Shigure shortly thereafter.

I escorted them to Southern California, the region in which our destination is located. Checking my proximity radar, I surmised that the easiest way to reach our destination was to sail into the Los Angeles Harbor to get as close as we could to the San Pedro Fuel Depot, and then traverse the rest of the way by land, but when we arrived, there was a lot of ongoing sea traffic in the form of cargo ships and a few patrol vessels, so I suggested that we stay out of sight until later into the night, when hopefully we will not be detected as easily. Shigure and Samidare agreed, but in reality I simply wanted them to get a few hours' rest first, so I used the harbor traffic as an excuse to have them rest at least for a little bit.

That's what Harusame would have done, too. I think...

We found a little cave in a place called Strawberry Cove in the nearby island, Catalina Island, by the looks of it. Luckily, the night was not cold, as we are now in Southern California in the middle of the summer, so temperature, while normally not a problem for us Abyssals or ship girls, was not going to be a problem. Seeing that Shigure and Samidare have lost a lot of blood from their wounds in our battles, given their weakened states, menial things that would not otherwise bother us would perhaps begin to be an issue. Just for good measure, I foraged for some tinder - dry leaves, sticks, branches, even a sizable piece of driftwood, as my luck would have it - and built a fire. Samidare and Shigure seemed surprised at my method of creating sparks for the fire. I always thought it was natural. Afterwards, once I got the fire going, I sailed out a bit to track some fish in the currents - there are not very many fish here, as it would seem, but I did manage to catch a few and returned to Strawberry Cove with them to prepare them for our dinner. Unfortunately, there was no available freshwater source around us - while Abyssal bodies can simply drink seawater straight from the ocean and let our digestive systems filter out the salt and other pollutants, obviously the same does not hold true for Samidare and Shigure. Samidare told me not to worry about it, that it was not a big concern.

Samidare started crying when I handed her a cooked fish. I thought that she might have started crying because she did not want to eat this lowly fish that we Abyssals eat to sustain ourselves while we are on our own, but to my relief, Samidare explained that she was just touched by my care. At first, I did not understand. In my mind, I thought that this was natural. Comrades should and must look after one another for survival. Just as I would appreciate my friends and allies looking after me in my times of need, so too would I do the same for any of my allies who should require the same treatment. I did not expect Samidare or Shigure to show such appreciation for something like this in such a way, but they did, and it...it caught me off guard.

I wanted to say this, but I decided against it, because the wording...I do not want to display such arrogance as to assume that Shigure and Samidare are my "comrades". I feel that they are, but perhaps they might take offense to it. Maybe they may have thought that if I called them "comrades", I was being too aloof and distant, that instead I should be acting more familiar and close to them. So I kept my mouth shut, for fear that they may...reprimand me.

Which makes me wonder...why am I so afraid of displeasing them? I...I just do not understand. It is not as though...I will be around for much longer. Now that we are so close to our destination, I will be taken in to be reconverted into Harusame, and then I will be gone. I will not have anything to fear by that point, because I assume that I will cease to exist. Destroyer Princess will cease to exist. So if the end for me is so near, why bother feeling so afraid?

I suppose...in the end, I truly am a coward. Unable to fight the ship girls who were "my" sisters, and unable to confront them with my true thoughts...it feels humiliating to know that I will have to face the end keeping my thoughts and feelings to myself, but this is how it will end.

But Samidare asked me to hug her. I did not show it, nor did I know it at first - but hugging her was the best feeling I have ever felt in my life, because there is something about being thanked that cannot be explained. Knowing that Samidare, my supposed enemy, was holding me and thanking me for taking care of her during her time of need...it made me so happy. It made me want to cry, but...I hid my tears, because...I don't feel like I deserved to cry those tears. Harusame, the real me, deserves these feelings, not I. She was supposed to be the one hugging her sister, crying with her in joy, receiving the thanks from her ship sisters. And instead, here I am, stealing the spotlight, taking away that which is rightfully someone else's.

Even then, I cannot deny the fact that I really did make a memory that I could truly call my own. It pains to know that I am taking advantage of someone else's body to do this, but the fact that I've made a memory that I can cherish and take with me to the end comforts me. I didn't want to let go of Samidare. I wanted to hug her forever, but...even if I could, I would eventually stop so that Harusame, the real me, can come and take my place.

After dinner, I recounted the events that had happened, from Samidare's sinking until Shigure's resurrection. I theorized that the most logical, "scientific" theory explaining their revivals was my serenity. But I do not understand how my own serenity would affect others. There have been no such precedent before, as far as I am aware. Abyssal serenity has always been strictly a personal entity, or at least that was the sense that I got. Plus, I did not consciously will or wish for my own energy to be the cause of their revivals, meaning that my serenity had acted on its own, on its own accord, which is subtly but extremely frightening, because that implies that my own energy has a will of its own.

Like...Shigure's power...

Samidare and Shigure both reported that their abilities had also become mutated. Samidare possessed an augmentation called "Water Will", which I remember from Harusame's memories, and it became changed to a protocol, called "Brightwater". In addition, Shigure's protocol "Standalone" mutated into something called "Hellhound", which...accurately depicts what I think of her when she uses that power that I am so scared of and have witnessed in action. Samidare expressed a lot of concern over the fact that her augmentation became upgraded to a protocol, and Shigure also felt similarly. She even called herself a "bloodthirsty dog".

Those words made me feel very sad in a way that I still do not understand fully myself. As much as I am self-conscious about my own miscreated form, about how I consider myself a fraud of the Harusame that Samidare and Shigure remember, it twisted my heart to hear Shigure say such words about herself. It's not as though her words are much different from my own that I direct at myself, though I have never said them aloud. Even still, after hearing her say that, I floated over to her and held her hands. I really wanted to say that I could relate, that I wanted to let her know that I felt the same way. But then I realized that if I said such things, they would ask me why, and then I would be backed into the uncomfortable corner of having to explain that I did not feel like their true sister, that "Destroyer Princess" and "Harusame" were actually two separate beings. And if I have to say this, they might think that I have been deceiving them all this time. So I kept my mouth shut.

As we put out the fire and prepared to leave, I looked up at the sky. The light pollution from the city is blocking out the light of the stars that I have grown accustomed to seeing in my lonely nights alone, floating with the tide and the waves in the middle of the ocean and looking up at the night skies. Only the stars close to us manage to shine through, but they are enough to give me hope.

If all goes well, tonight will be the last night in which I occupy this corrupted body. I will take Shigure and Samidare and myself to our destination, where the developers will repair my friends to full health and eradicate the usurper in me for the sake of reinstating the rightful queen back on her throne.

Even though I have only been alive for a mere eighteen days and nights, I think that I have lived enough. This journey across the ocean has taught me many things and given me many memories that I can call my own, including one that I will keep in my cold soul as I exit this body, should I end up having one. I have made friends with two very special ship girls who have shown me that Abyssals and ship girls need not be sworn enemies, but instead close-knit allies and friends. Even if it does turn out that Shigure and Samidare have no care for me, Destroyer Princess, and have instead only cared for Harusame, my real self, I do not mind. For me, the fact that I feel as though I have done something productive for myself and for those I care about is more than enough for me to close my eyes forever.

I do not know if I will be able to see the stars when I am cast out of this body, but it matters not. For I know that there are two of the brightest stars in my life who will be there to welcome Harusame back into this world.

Samidare gives me a kiss on my cheek. I don't understand, but it makes me happy too, so I smile as best I can at her, and she smiles back.

I will miss Samidare and Shigure. I really will.


	19. Only Dreams

We were caught by the harbor guards when we attempted to land ashore. At first, when we were first sighted, I wanted to shoot our way through, but Samidare urged me not to. It took a lot for me to simply refrain from shooting and submit to authority, but it was done. I still think that shooting our way out was much better than what we were then made to do for the next twelve hours.

They took us into a nearby building...I can only imagine that it was their command post or something of the sort. There, they tried to interrogate us. I didn't know Samidare could speak English, and as it seems, neither did Shigure. But Samidare spoke for us and told them that we were not terrorists and that we were not here to harm anyone. They acted as though they did not believe us. They kept asking Samidare very demanding questions that she did not answer - rather, I felt that she could _not_ answer - but Samidare steadfastly remained silent through it all. I do not know whether it was due more to her condition at the time, her weakened state due to her wounds, that gave her the patience to remain silent despite our interrogator's prodding questions or whether it was due to her inner nature, but she told Shigure and me to also remain silent. They had no business knowing why we were here; since we were so close to our destination, we would have to simply hope that our developers would come find us. Shigure asked Samidare how exactly their developers would know that we had come, a question Samidare could not answer either, but she said that we simply had to wait.

And wait we did. For twelve hours. I had no problem waiting in my room for that period of time. I was not wounded like Samidare or Shigure. I had spent hours floating on the Pacific waters watching the nighttime sky, stars, and moon. This was routine for me, in a sense. I worried more for my companions. They were wounded, they were hungry, and they were thirsty, and they needed medical attention. Every hour, my worries were refreshed anew, growing sharper with each passing hour too because I did not know how Samidare and Shigure were faring, especially the former.

During the entire time, I could sense Shigure's blood boiling. The powerful entity residing within her was stirring, ready to awaken again whenever Shigure saw fit. When we were being taken to our separate rooms, Shigure tried to walk Samidare to her room, but the men - Samidare called them Coast Guards - seized Shigure and pushed her in the opposite direction, instructing her sternly to obey. Perhaps it was at that precise moment that Shigure would have turned the waters of the harbor red with the blood of these guards, but thankfully Samidare insisted that she comply. But as scared of Shigure I may be, for once I do not feel so threatened by her because...well, had I been in Shigure's shoes, I would have been tempted to use my power to destroy those who would prevent me from protecting those I care about. Yes, only because of Samidare's restraint has Shigure not actually killed anyone this day.

I, too, would have probably done the same. I heard several of the guards call me very insulting names. Slut, they called me. I assumed they said this because of the clothing I wear, and my strange appearance to humans because of my unnaturally pale skin and purple hair, and the strange clothe that I wear. Is it customary for humans to insult others so when they find others to be so different? I suppose humans really are quite narrow-minded - at least, some of them. That would mean that our war as Abyssals against humanity is somewhat justified. I can't imagine taking orders from humans like them. So out of respect for Samidare's wishes, despite not agreeing with them, I did not act against these Coast Guards. I waited patiently until Samidare told us otherwise.

But then the developers came to us instead, which was what Samidare wanted. The first developer was a young man by the name of Sanford. He seemed quite infuriated by how these Coast Guards had treated us and even struck one in the face, which was quite a satisfying sight. He kept us company until the rest of his team could arrive to escort us out. He did give me an interested look, and I overheard Samidare telling him that I would explain myself when we arrived at their base.

It was there that I met the other Abyssals who had been captured before my time. Even though I have never personally met any of them, I still somehow knew their names. Isolated Island Demon and Armored Carrier Demon were among those being held in confinement here, but they did not seem like they were being treated like prisoners. They greeted me well, to my bewilderment, and expressed their excitement at how another Abyssal like we had come to join them. There were even several destroyers here too who came up to me and jumped around happily when they met me, and I gave them all a hug. I missed my destroyer friends, so being able to meet more here is a relief that I cannot explain.

As the developers were speaking with Shigure and Samidare, I spent time with my fellow Abyssals. I explained to them who I was - I was Destroyer Princess, born nineteen days ago from the body of a captured ship girl who had been taken in and reconstructed. Isolated Island Demon said that there was a similar incident that had happened roughly two months prior, when the fleet had brought two such converted ship girls to revert the Abyssalization conversions. She said that since I, unlike those other two, appeared to retain my sanity and my memories as a ship girl (memories that are not mine), I should try asking the developers to turn me back into a ship girl if I so chose. I asked why they would suggest such a thing. Weren't they Abyssals? Were they not supposed to behave as such? What were they doing, suggesting that I do something that would so obviously go against being an Abyssal?

Armored Carrier Demon had to explain that even in their lives of confinement in this underground base, they were having too much fun to be willing to go back to the ranks of the Abyssals. She admitted that the developers were spoiling them. The female developers, like Losira, Lauren, and Kane, were great cooks and always fed them great meals, meals that they could never hope to eat before. The developer named Big introduced Isolated Island Demon to human entertainment mediums called "anime" and "manga" that she became fascinated with and soon fell in love with, and she found that she could not stop reading or watching them. The other Abyssals, too, had no intentions of leaving because life here was so pleasant. The submarines loved taking hot water baths to the point where their skin really is not all that pale anymore, and the destroyers loved playing with some of the developers like Lauren and Hank, who played games like fetch or gave them belly rubs and brushed their teeth, among other things.

"Why go back, when we ourselves are treated like friends?" Isolated Island Demon pointed out. "Our Admiral was wrong. Humans are not all dumb and deserve to be killed. And we were not constructed to be killing machines all the time either. Certainly the Admiral never treated us as though we were his friends, let alone his comrades. He used us like cannon fodder. When our captors are treating us a thousand times better than he, why bother going back?"

For someone as myself who has never met the Admiral, this certainly surprised me. Was he as cruel and unfriendly as these captured Abyssals made him out to be?

"Well, if you'd like you can go meet him for yourself. Don't say that we didn't warn you," Armored Carrier Demon told me.

Isolated Island Demon, however, sensed that there was something troubling me and inquired me about it. Because Samidare and Shigure were in the other room explaining to the developers what we had been doing and what has been going on in Japan, I decided that I could talk about it. I said that I was feeling uneasy because of the reversion process that I would have to undergo. I told them about how I considered myself to be a misbegotten persona that has taken the place of Harusame, the ship girl whose body I now possess because of the Abyssalization process done unto her, and that by going through the reversion surgery, I would be giving this body back to her. I said that I naturally felt frightened, knowing that I would be meeting my end very soon, but that it was for the best.

Isolated Island Demon threw a cookie at me, and it pelted me on the nose.

She scolded me for not being confident in myself. "What kind of terrible self-esteem is that?" she asked me. She could understand my intention to give up this body so that Harusame could have it, and she could understand my theory that there existed two personas of Harusame the ship girl, the original and me. But to call myself a fraudulent copy? "Then what does that make us? Us, who don't have the choice to 'give up' our spots for someone else more worthy?" she pointed out. "You can run away from yourself by letting someone else take your spot, sure. But think about what that someone would think of you. You know this Harusame ship girl way better than the rest of us. What would she think?"

I had never thought of it in this kind of a perspective. Isolated Island Demon made me feel very foolish and silly - and pathetic. But her questions were nonetheless important. Harusame would not have wanted me to think of myself in such a negative way...if we ever did get to know each other. Knowing her, she may be the type of girl who would even befriend an enemy in a heartbeat if that enemy was able to bring her back to her ship sisters. Speaking with the captured Abyssals helped me come to terms with the fact that I would be giving up this body for Harusame.

I spoke with Isolated Island Demon during my last hour about our journey here from Japan, since she was so interested. I ended up speaking a lot about my companions, Shigure and Samidare, with whom Harusame was ship sisters with. I told her my thoughts and my feelings regarding them. This was a much needed conversation I needed to have with somebody, because this was the kind of conversation that I needed to get some heavy things off my chest.

"Why didn't you just tell them this yourself?" she asked me.

...because I'm scared of what they might say. I don't want to know what they really think of me. I want to die with my own fantasies ingrained in my head, even though I know that's not the correct choice I ought to make.

"And what if they come to me asking about you?"

I don't know. I suppose...since I'll be gone by then, she could tell them what I had told her. But...if I had to guess, they would not want to know about me anymore. They would be more interested in Harusame.

With that, the developer named Deimos asked me if I was ready to begin the operation, and I said yes. Now, I find myself inside an operating chamber, and these long metallic arms are slowly sweeping over my naked body, taking scans and collecting data.

I watch them rise up into the operating chamber ceiling. This scene is...rather familiar, I feel, but whatever nostalgic feeling I get now is not really relevant anymore. One arm with a small needle descends and slowly comes to a rest over my face, and the needle carefully pokes into my forehead.

My vision flashes with controlled emergency shutdown sequences.

I suppose my only regret now is that I did not have time to tell Samidare and Shigure that I enjoyed my time with them, and that this was my goodbye.

And even though I can't see it, I'm sure the moon is beautiful, as always.

I suppose it is better this way. No tears...


	20. Daggers

As I lost consciousness underneath that robotic scalpel, I not only felt relieved that I would be freed of my body, but I also felt excited. Just a little bit. I hoped that with my death, I would be transported to another world, another world in which I could be my own person, without having to rely on someone else's body for the basis of my identity. Death, at that last moment, had become my new friend. A gateway to another life that was hopefully at least just a little bit less painful, and just a little bit happier.

Take me there, anywhere.

When I awoke, I kept that excitement. I had been born into a new world. Here, I would start anew. I could begin working on building a life that I could truly call my own -

...wait a minute. If I am reborn, should I not be an infant? Why am I thinking these things to myself?

It appears that even death has let me down. I suppose that is what I get for having too high of expectations, and I suppose life is not something I can merely wish to have and expect to get, like food. Some things in the world, perhaps even the universe, don't work this conveniently. How disappointing.

The girl whose body I have occupied for the last twenty days has finally returned to her rightful place, as I wanted. Harusame is awake and conscious, with no alteration to her original psyche and persona. It was very touching to see her reunite with Shigure and Samidare, and I could sense quite easily that Harusame, too, was overjoyed to see them again.

I was able to observe their interactions, and I can very easily tell that Harusame's ability to socialize with her fellow ship sisters is leagues more developed than the frail relationships I had struggled to build between me and Shigure and Samidare. While Samidare and Shigure were much more polite and reserved with me, once Harusame returned, they were immediately more open, affectionate, and intimate. They spent nearly half an hour embracing Harusame in between them. Having access to her memories, I know that Harusame served at the Okinawa base that she had been captured from following the Abyssal attack on the place and that she served for some time there with Samidare and Shigure, although it seems that due to her relatively short service period while at Okinawa, she did not have too many chances to really develop her relationships with the two. However, the three of them are now behaving as, well, true sisters should. Harusame was missing, and perhaps Shigure and Samidare had thought that she could not be rescued from me. But now that she is safely restored, their relief was enormous upon reunion...so enormous that even I could sense it through Harusame.

If I could cry, I would have. My happiness for them to finally see them joined back together as sisters should be, as family should be, would have been enough for me to weep for them out of relief. I may have felt heavy twinges of sadness that I could not be in Harusame's shoes, to be embraced by the hands, arms, and warmth of girls I could call my sisters, but my happiness for them far outweighed my sadness. For the way I now see it, after witnessing their reunion, it is much better for me to mend a broken family than to try to make my own. Maintaining and piecing a family back together appears to be much more taxing and painful than to simply make a new one. I don't think this was a wrong choice for me to have done. Just seeing their tears and smiles when Harusame awoke justifies my actions and my will.

I could also sense Harusame's own thoughts as well as her feelings. Harusame was very scared after that initial half hour following her waking, because she had a great hole in her memory files, the period during which I occupied her body in her stead. I wanted to tell her that I was the one who..."borrowed"...her body during that time, that it was not my intention to steal her own body away from her. I really wanted to find out whose body I was renting once I realized that there was another life invested in the body I found myself in. But my words cannot reach Harusame. My thoughts cannot reach her, either. It seems that our communication together is merely one-way. I can absorb all her thoughts, feelings, emotions and senses, but I cannot transmit my own to her. I am merely a spectator, as it would seem.

But Harusame did not reveal to Shigure and Samidare about her internal terror because her relief pushed it aside so that she could enjoy the moment. In fact, the reason why she cried so much and hugged her sisters so tightly was _because_ she felt so scared after regaining consciousness after a month and a half or however long it has been since she was captured by the Abyssals. She did not know what was happening or going on, so the sight of her two ship sisters with whom she had served in Okinawa comforted her so greatly to the point of tears. I do not think that Shigure and Samidare read this correctly. I think they interpreted this as Harusame being glad to see them again, and in their own joy, they failed to look past this veil, albeit it was a very obscure and convoluted veil.

Then, both Shigure and Samidare gave Harusame a kiss on her forehead. Because I can feel what Harusame feels, I also felt the warmth of their lips on my own forehead...if I even have one anymore in the state that I am in. Although I knew they were not for me specifically, I still enjoyed the sensation so much. Their kisses were full of life, full of warmth, full of comfort. They could have easily very well been so warm that my pale skin could have turned a more normal human skin tone just by the sensations alone...though by this point I am only exaggerating. Harusame, too, felt so happy and blessed.

Then, they took her to dinner, for it appeared that Harusame regained consciousness just before dinnertime. The way they ate dinner, too, was just as heartwarming and heartwrenching at the same time. Their affection and intimacy as sisters carried through to mealtime. Shigure and Samidare were much more engaged in conversation with Harusame, unlike the quiet dinnertime in Strawberry Cove at the island. The three of them were so lively, recollecting on their shared memories of their service at the Okinawa base. Because I know everything that Harusame knows, her memories are all familiar to me. I could very easily follow along with their conversations, their jokes and their small talk.

Towards the end of their first meal together in over a month, Harusame began to quietly cry again, and Samidare noticed this. When asked why she was crying, if there was something wrong, Harusame quickly replied that she was just so relieved to be back again, and Samidare gave her a hug. However, I know what she was really thinking. Harusame's mind, now that all the happiness and joy was starting to wear off, was now inevitably starting to poke the ugly topic of what she was doing for the time that she was unconscious and what was going on with everyone else at the time. But she was too scared to ask her sisters the truth.

Much like myself.

Then, after dinner, two of their developers, Losira and Lauren, took them inside one of their laboratories to explain to them that their comrades back in Japan whom my comrades had sunk in our ambush attack on the Yokosuka Naval Yards may not be recoverable. As they began to explain, I felt Harusame's fears grow exponentially. I monitored her thoughts closely. Harusame's mind was racing - first, she obviously was not conscious to know what I had done while in her body, although I was not directly responsible for the sunken ship girls' deaths, thankfully or not. So Harusame began to develop the impression that somehow she was responsible for this terrible fiasco...which, depending on your perspective, may or may not be true to certain varying degrees. This was compounded soon with the realization that because several of the sunken were her own ship sisters as well, like the ones named Kawakaze and Suzukaze, Harusame would never be able to meet them ever again when she had always wanted to serve with all of her ship sisters deployed in the same fleet or base. So her horror worsened and caused her psyche to deteriorate rapidly.

After this meeting, the three of them left to rest in the common room, where they could at least stay and recollect their thoughts. On their way there, I sensed Harusame thinking silently about all the bad things that had happened so far while she was unconscious. She was slowly beginning to come to the conclusion that somehow everything that she had heard was somehow her own fault. Again, based on your perception, she may very well be very right or very wrong. But because all three of the sisters seemed to be preoccupied with their own thoughts of horrified revelation, neither Shigure nor Samidare realized the deep emotional hole that Harusame was starting to dig herself.

I should know...I've dug the exact same hole myself.

And to my own personal horror, before they reached the common room, Isolated Island Demon stopped them and requested their audience. She said that there was something important she needed to tell Samidare and Harusame, then she simply changed her mind and said that it would be better if all three of them listened to what she had to say. I tried my best to scream at Isolated Island Demon to keep this all a secret. I knew what she was going to talk to them about. I should have never told her my thoughts, because now she was going to divulge them to Shigure, Harusame, and Samidare barely a day after I had relinquished control of Harusame's body to her. I did not expect her to actually reveal my own thoughts to them so soon, and on top of which, even if my thoughts were to be revealed, I had envisioned Samidare and Shigure going to Isolated Island Demon themselves to learn of me. As Isolated Island Demon led them to the common room, I kept cursing myself. Just for the sake of feeling a little bit better about myself by confiding my deepest thoughts with my fellow Abyssal, I was going to make a fool of myself. I was going to look so pathetic, and now through Harusame, I was going to have to hear it all spoken back to me. What a terrible embarrassment...

But admittedly, it was not as embarrassing as I thought it would be. Isolated Island Demon explained my thoughts accurately and faithfully, even in the parts when she herself stated that she might have been incorrectly interpreting the parts of my thoughts that she was not completely sure about. She revealed to Shigure and Samidare (and Harusame) the truth that I was in fact a separate entity entirely, that I was in actuality not the Harusame they thought I was, the Abyssalized Harusame. I was Destroyer Princess, but I kept the fact that I was an impure and bastard soul compared to Harusame secret from them. She told them about my troubles before and after the ambush attack on the naval yards, my struggles on deciding whether to pursue my real identity or simply to conform to my fellow Abyssal comrades, my difficult decision to abandon my comrades in an attempt to find out who I really was in the form of assisting Shigure and Samidare on their dangerous mission across the Pacific, my revelations following their deaths en route, and my final convictions.

Isolated Island Demon, much to my happy relief, stressed what I would have stressed to Shigure and Samidare, that I considered them my friends, even despite knowing that they might have had a skewed perspective of me. She emphasized for me that my memories and feelings, although my body may be leased to me and my soul corrupt and unoriginal, were still unique enough for me to take with me once I had..."moved on".

To my horrified surprise, both Shigure and Samidare wept bitterly. I did not expect such a reaction from them. I thought that at most, they may be horrified, but _openly weeping?_ As I was forced to watch my two friends cry at their unexpected revelation through Isolated Island Demon, I felt more and more crushed. I didn't want them to suffer. That was partly why I chose to keep my partitioned identity a secret from them, because had they known, they would have felt conflicted between their feelings of happiness in receiving their sister Harusame back and their feelings of losing a new friend in me, assuming that they really would have seen me as a friend had I decided to say so. And now that Samidare cried aloud why I had never told them, that both she and Shigure would have been perfectly happy to receive me as a new friend and even sister, that this was the least they could have done because of all the things I had done for them to make sure the two of them reached their mission destination at all, I felt truly miserable. Now that the hindsight was available and so perfectly clear before my own eyes and ears, I should have told them. They were going to treat me just as they would have treated Harusame. They just did not know everything, and their lack of knowledge about me, or the Abyssalized Harusame at the time, prevented them from really interacting with me as they normally would have towards Harusame, their real sister. Had they known...had they known.

Had I told them. Had I decided to take that risk and be unafraid of trying to make new friends.

I have never felt so terrible in my life. Ironic, seeing that...I'm not even sure if I can be considered "alive" anymore.

Then Samidare asked Isolated Island Demon,

"Isn't there some way we can talk to her? To Destroyer Princess? There has to be, right? Please tell us that there is! Please, please, _please!"_

At this point I felt so miserable that I tried to scream out to her. Samidare, I am right here. Please, talk to me. Rather, talk to Harusame, for I can hear and see and feel everything through her. I am right here, next to you. You can talk to me, and I will listen to repent for my sin of leaving both you and Shigure in the dark. I will listen to your heart's desire. Please, just look this way. Look at me. Look at your sister. I am right here.

But I have no voice. This body is not mine, and I have even said this multiple times to myself. Why is it that the one time I want to use this body the most is when I can no longer do so...

So my desperate, noiseless screams of agony made no sound and thus went unheard. Not only this, but all the while I was being bombarded by Harusame's thoughts. And even though I tried to block out Harusame's own thoughts because I was feeling horrible enough watching Samidare and Shigure desperately ask Isolated Island Demon for a way to communicate with me, which she said she did not know of one, my efforts proved impossible. Harusame was feeling just as horrible as I. She knew that by recovering control of her body through the reversion surgery, she had robbed someone else of her life, even though there was nothing she personally could have done about it. After all that somebody else had done to bring her sisters here to help them make a dangerous mission an eventual success, Harusame herself congratulated said person by denying her of her own conscious life.

Harusame legitimately believes that the reversion surgery has killed me, and that she herself must be held responsible.

After Isolated Island Demon told them about me, the sisters' joy from their reunion evaporated. They went to bed without even talking to each other. Harusame actively avoided her own sisters.

I'm a terrible person, Harusame thought to herself as she went to bed. I'm a terrible person. Someone took care of me while I was gone, and now she is dead. Harusame tried to communicate with me. If you are still inside my head, or my heart, or anywhere, she begged me, please, talk to me. Even in a dream is fine. I just want to talk to you and thank you for everything you've done for Shigure-onee-chan and Samidare-chan.

I answered back that I, too, wanted to desperately talk with her. I wanted to tell her everything too.

But alas...we cannot speak to each other. Harusame does not know I even exist. She is aware that I _once_ existed...but it seems that we cannot communicate.

Harusame fell asleep not too long ago. Her soft breathing fills the room. Shigure is sleeping in the next bed over, and for some reason Samidare has not come back. I wonder where she has gone...I hope she is safe.

I should have told them. I did not mean for them to suffer because of me like this. This was not how I meant for this to go.

Not even death has helped me escape pain.


	21. Snowglobed

I have spent the previous night contemplating my current state of existence.

I no longer have control over the body that I once had, the body that I considered to be rightfully Harusame's, the one I controlled in her stead up until the reversion surgery. But nothing seems to contradict the fact that I am now tied to this body. How I am tied to it is a mystery, something that I cannot explain - and thus no one else can explain because nobody is aware of this mysterious state of existence that I now currently occupy. I think, therefore I exist. But I may as well be a hallucination to myself, for there is nobody to talk to but me. I exist in a world that is tied to the body I once occupied yet possesses no external outlet. If you will, a world within a world. I suppose this is what humans would call a "snowglobe".

Why, yes...the concept of a snowglobe would fit my current state of existence quite well. Isolated, able to be shaken and affected by external forces, but I am lifeless. I am a mere marionette, with no power to speak for myself or to communicate. If the only person I can communicate with at all is myself, that means that I have no power or will of my own.

However, as my experiences have shown me in the first day of Harusame's revival, I am still connected to this body. Harusame's perspective is my perspective. I share the same physical experiences as Harusame does. The external stimuli she feels, I also feel, despite the fact that I have no tangible body to call my own. Would this mean that I am somehow still vested into this body? But how? The reversion surgery was supposed to have eliminated me. Did the developers of Seal Team Six fail in this particular aspect of the surgery? Or did they simply not know what would happen to me?

Or worst: did they know, and did they simply leave me tied to this body for the sake of experimentation?

I should hope not. I genuinely hope this is all just a big mistake or an unfortunate accident. I would not know what to think otherwise if I eventually somehow come to learn that Seal Team Six had foreseen this outcome and did nothing to prevent it because they deliberately wanted me to stay stuck in this kind of existence. Because even if I were to be overridden by grief and sadness, in this state, there would be no way for me to even try to die to escape the pain, for that would mean that Harusame would most likely end up having to be killed as well. Not that I could have escaped from any kind of pain to begin with, as I have already seen for myself.

Not only do I share physical senses with Harusame, I, as mentioned, now have access to her thoughts. Her thoughts are not necessarily my thoughts - I do not create her thoughts for her, and she does not receive any hints or evidence of my own thoughts either. However, I seem to be able to know and understand exactly what her feelings, emotions, thoughts, and sentiments are at any given time. I can even choose whether or not I want to know, as well, and should I wish to know, I can simply will it, and I will instantly understand what Harusame is thinking. I can even do this minutes, probably even hours after Harusame has thought something. Should I be curious as to what she was feeling at a certain point of the day in the past, I will know immediately. Harusame cannot hide anything from me, but...that is a rather sinister way of interpreting this. I think it would be better to say that I simply understand what she is going through.

Perhaps most interesting is the undefined state of my consciousness. I thought that, upon waking to find myself still tied to this body, I would be subjected to the waking and sleeping hours of Harusame. But as the previous night as proven, this is actually not the case. My consciousness _and_ conscience, for that matter, are completely independent of Harusame's. However, I am not a spirit or a ghost capable of supernatural flight. It appears that I am anchored to this body still.

After some thought, I have concluded that the most reasonable hypothesis that explains my current state of consciousness is that my basic personality has been preserved and stored as an unreadable cache or information deep within Harusame's main processing unit, a cache that is perhaps both inaccessible (thereby unreadable) and undetectable due to its elusive file location. Abyssals and ship girls alike are computerized humanoid beings; our existences, while tied to human body vessels, are still written physically in the form of computer code. We exist not because of arbitrary concepts of "soul" and "life", but because there are physical lines of instructions that dictate who we are and how we think, act, and speak. Therefore, there must be something still stored within Harusame's main processing unit that is responsible for providing the information that allows me to still possess an independent thought process.

But this theory would mean that because I am conscious and capable of independent thought, if there is such an unreadable cache somewhere in Harusame's main processing unit, said cache would be leeching energy from Harusame's body in order to operate. On top of this, theoretically, even if the cache responsible for my consciousness is unreadable, it should still be leaving behind some kind of traceable evidence that it exists, even if it records nothing on Harusame's change logs. Theoretically, if Harusame took the time to dig through her own main processing unit, she _should_ be able to find that my cache is creating packages of files that record my own thoughts while I am in this state. She may not be able to read them, but reading them isn't the main idea. For Harusame, it's finding them in the first place that is important, because then will she have evidence to suggest that yes, in fact, the girl who was using her body for the period of blank memory data in her main processing unit still exists inside her head. Of course, said packages of files would be so tiny that it would be infinitely easy to overlook them or miss them if she ever does take the time to peruse through the files of her own brain, but they should be there. She would just need a little luck to notice them by looking at the right place at the right time.

When Harusame woke up, Shigure was already awake, but the latter said that she too had only just woken up as well. Samidare was not here; in fact, according to Shigure, Samidare had left the room because she needed some time to herself and never came back, so naturally she was worried for her. Harusame agreed to go look for Samidare with Shigure, and the two of them left their temporary bedroom to search for their missing sister. They ran into her shortly afterwards when they ran straight into their missing sister, who was heading back to their bedroom at the same time. It was then that Samidare brought them to the room that now houses their injured Admiral, the man Samidare has always addressed as "Teitoku".

Immediately my conscience was inundated with the thoughts of Harusame when she laid her eyes on that body. Her reaction in this case was similar, yet completely opposite to her reaction when she learned of my supposed existence. When she learned of me, Harusame did not know what to think. Her thought processes were slow and empty, because she did not expect an outcome like this to have happen to her. Combined with her ignorance of recent events and her hesitation to ask for the truth, Harusame was simply filled with sadness, but not necessarily sad _thoughts_.

But when she drew closer to the bed on which her former Admiral lay, Harusame's thought processes simply could not stop. There were so many things going through her head that I could feel myself getting mentally bogged down from the sheer volume of thoughts she was generating. When I tried to cut off my thought link with her, I could still feel a curious pressure against what would have been the inside of my skull, had I had a body of my own.

Why didn't I just stay at base during the attack, Harusame was thinking. Why did I have to go off on my own just because I wanted to take a morning stroll on the water outside on the harbor. Why wasn't I there to help protect him (the Admiral). Because maybe, just maybe, if I'd been there, I could have done something to protect him. Shield him from the explosions, maybe. Because maybe then, maybe he would've only lost one arm. Maybe two limbs. But three? That's too much. Harusame's mind could not handle the sight of seeing her Admiral lying on this bed without any legs and with only one arm, only one limb out of a possible four. Harusame is a delicate girl, so seeing such a disturbing sight damaged her psyche tremendously alone, and combined with her accompanying thoughts of irresponsibility, she could not handle the sight and fell to her knees in tears. She could not get herself to weep audibly, however, because she was too horrified. She was too scared. She did not want to know all the details of what had happened, because she was afraid that she might have been the one who was truly responsible for all of this, that perhaps because of her capture, because of that one almost whimsical decision to take a walk in the sea, she caused all of this. And if this turned out to be true, Harusame wouldn't know what to do. There would be no humanly possible way to atone for all of her evil wrongdoings, intentional or not.

I myself have seen my former Abyssal comrades before our mission across the Pacific injured terribly, like Ta-Class. I know that we Abyssals have been built to be already accustomed to see and digest the sights of wounds and blood. But there is something profoundly different about seeing a normal human being like this Admiral, laid out on a bed, his arm attached to an IV drip, with bandages around his body and missing three of his limbs. There is something jarring about it. There is something very...well, _sad_ about it. Perhaps it is my own self-degrading bias against my own kind...that because Abyssals and ship girls alike are ultimately machines built for war, it is more acceptable for us to fight and engage in war and be injured and sustain wounds and damage because that was our intention. We were built to live such lives, to bear such pain. Human beings are not _born_ to fight or to become wounded and disfigured this badly. At least, that is what I would like to hope.

I do not know why it is that I feel especially saddened by the sight of their Admiral. It is not simply because I am sympathetic to the three of them for mourning for what has befallen him. Even without the sentiments of Shigure, Harusame, and Samidare, had I seen this scene by myself, I still think I would have had the same thoughts and emotions.

The three of them have stayed in this room for the whole day today. After promising each other that they three would take care of him together, each one of them has been slowly going to sleep with their Admiral. Harusame is the last one to fall asleep. She has been kept awake by her own brooding thoughts of potential guilt, but the emotional exhaustion, combined with the numbness of her senses brought about by slight hunger and thirst, finally lull her into an uncomfortable sleep. I have the feeling she will see nightmares tonight.

If I could tell Harusame something, I wonder what I would say. Would I tell her that everything would be alright? Would I tell her that everything would be okay? Turn out okay? What would I tell the others?

I suppose that is a bit of a pointless question to ask myself. A puppet cannot speak or convey ideas. And I am perhaps even less than a mere puppet, because at least puppets can be seen and talked to...


	22. Insanity

Today, something very alarming happened to Samidare.

It happened this morning. After breakfast, Harusame and Shigure went in to check on Samidare, who had left the mess hall first to check on their comatose Admiral, or "Teitoku", as they like to call him. We - or, I should say, they - found her sitting next to their Admiral in a dangerous state.

I do not think that Harusame knew immediately what was going on when they discovered Samidare, because at first, Harusame was utterly confused as to how there was blood on Samidare's cheek. When I saw blood on Samidare's right fingertips, I knew what happened. She was scratching her own cheek to the point where it was drawing blood.

But the appearance is not what I had noticed immediately. Right when Harusame entered the room, I was able to sense a very strange, dare I say, _eerie_ signature radiating from Samidare.

How should this strange signature be best described? Ever since I had sensed it earlier this morning, I have engrossed myself in thinking about it. And now, after plenty of hours to dwell on this subject - as though I have much else to do in this state of existence, really - I think I may have come to a conclusion. Though, of course, this is what humans would call a mere "hypothesis" more than anything else...

The strange signature that Samidare produced when she was in her "condition" this morning was not a simple signature. For example, if I were to describe a normal signature, the experience of sensing that signature would be such that I would know that someone like myself, a ship girl or a fellow Abyssal, would be near me because they produce special frequency signals that can be detected by other ship girls or Abyssals. It is not unlike what humans refer to as a "sixth sense". Of course, humans also radiate signatures of their own, but because their signatures are mostly biological and organic, their signatures are much weaker, for our senses have a much easier time detecting strong electronic signals that the main processing units of ship girls and Abyssals alike emit subconsciously in order to operate. For all intents and purposes, signatures between ship girls and Abyssals are similar enough to be combined under one category, though it can be argued that the signature of a ship girl and the signature of an Abyssal have enough differences to warrant a separation.

But the core of this observation is that a signature is mainly composed of an entire closely-knit myriad of electronic signals and frequencies that, combined, create a singular signature, much as how in a humanoid body, many organic systems work together to create a functioning, living body; the concepts are quite similar, if I think about it. The essence of a signature should have a...how should I say, an authentically _machine-like_ feel to it. This should make perfect sense - after all, ship girls and Abyssals alike are manufactured beings. I know for a fact that we Abyssals are fully aware of this fact ourselves; I would hope that ship girls like Shigure, Harusame, and Samidare also know this fully as well.

But the signature that was emanating from Samidare this morning was not that of a machine. It did not even feel organic, like a human's. Before I go any further, I feel that this particular distinction must be emphasized. A signature that feels neither human nor machine? Just what in the world could this possibly mean? How can it be possible at all for any sentient being in this world to have the essence of something that is neither human nor machine? Perhaps another way to look at this dilemma is to think of what other possible states of existence could even, well, _exist_ other than those of humans' and humanoid machines. And considering that ship girls and we Abyssals are very recent developments in human technology, before us, really the only "signatures" that existed in the world were those of humans. At least, in my mind, that is what this world should have looked like before us, before there were ship girls or Abyssals. And to think that after our introduction, I would come across another signature that does not identify itself as either human or machine. I want to refrain from making the logical fallacy of post-hoc, but in this kind of a situation it is very tempting to give into making it: could it be because of our births that this mysterious, eerie signature in Samidare has shown itself? Are we somehow constructing more signatures on our own that our human builders did not intend?

Then, I must make one very important distinction between the signature of a ship girl and the signature of an Abyssal. I did say that these two signatures are similar enough, in my opinion, to be classified under the singular category of "humanoid machine" signatures. However, there is critical difference that, in the context of Samidare's strange signature from this morning, must be mentioned, and that is the fact that Abyssal signatures do feel more volatile than ship girls'. What I mean by this is that the signature of a ship girl, like Shigure or Samidare or Harusame, feels very...clean. It feels very clean, it feels very stable, and it feels very "natural" in a machine-like way. A ship girl's signature is very crisp and well-defined, which is part of the reason why I feel we Abyssals have traditionally had an easy time detecting ship girls in battle, and I can say this from experience from the only real "battle" in which I fought against ship girls, though I have already made my thoughts on that particular matter quite clear enough already.

But the signature of an Abyssal feels... _tampered_. I do not have solid reasons to support why I feel this way, and I had initially not held this belief when I had first awakened as Destroyer Princess three weeks ago. But having spent the last several days now with Shigure and Samidare, and now Harusame, my original self, I know what a ship girl's signature feels like enough to feel that an Abyssal signature is somehow flawed. Something is off with the Abyssal signature - if I had to describe what is "off" with it, I would say that it feels like there is more...organsic interference. In other words, in an Abyssal signature, there is more human and less machine. We Abyssals having signatures that are more similar to those of humans? As opposed to the ship girls themselves? This also sounds unbelievable to say, but such are my observations. I would be more inclined to believe that the other way around is more proper, but there is no denying what I feel.

And now with all this being stated, Samidare's signature from earlier this morning was almost entirely composed of the difference between the signatures of ship girls and Abyssals. The component of an Abyssal signature that differentiates it from a ship girl signature was overwhelmingly present in Samidare's signature when she was in her unknown state. Yet it cannot be accurate to call Samidare's signature similar to that of a human's, I do know this for a fact. And as mentioned prior, the signatures between ship girls and Abyssals are not nearly different enough to warrant being classified as two different groups as far as signatures are concerned, at least in my opinion. But this difference was initially so small to begin with, and now it has been so many more times amplified through Samidare, that I find this characteristic about Samidare's strange signature so strange to begin with. Without any of my own additional thoughts added, would this mean that Samidare, for that very brief period of time when she was exuding that signature, had been...more Abyssal than us Abyssals? I do not understand. What could have possibly altered her state of existence to cause her to begin emitting that kind of signature? I know this is more of a rhetorical question for now, because I doubt any of us, much less myself, will be finding any answers to any questions that this whole situation has produced so far any time soon, but it must be asked because Samidare's entire identity now has been questioned.

What exactly was Samidare, for that moment earlier this morning? She ceased to be ship girl, human, or Abyssal. She became something none of us knew. What was she supposed to be? Whatever it was, I think it is safe to say that even from an Abyssal perspective, Samidare's signature was quite disturbing.

Finally, to add my own thoughts into this matter, I will end it at this: I believe that Samidare's strange signature was the physical manifestation of insanity, or something that got very close to becoming the complete manifestation of insanity.

Let me leave aside the causes of this for now; we can be sitting around here all day speculating about the causes of Samidare's strange signature identity; rather, what I want to do is discuss what I think is the essence of "Samidare", as I will call it.

At first, I believed that "Samidare" was being controlled by her violent emotions. By hearing the words of the developer team, Seal Team Six, as the ship girls call them, at first I understood the situation to be such that Samidare's conscience had been in danger of cracking, but Samidare herself refused to show this because she did not want to reveal her mental condition to anyone, a desire that I, too, unfortunately, know very well, or at least _knew_ , before I surrendered this body to its rightful owner. Either this, or Samidare herself was unaware that her conscience was heavily damaged and would break very soon due to amounts of stress that she could not handle. But as I pondered this, slowly I began to doubt that Samidare was simply being driven by her own feelings, emotions, and other psychological factors, on the basis that "Samidare" did not contain any feelings of emotion. There were none. If there were feelings that the signature of "Samidare" was emitting, I certainly did not sense any. If "Samidare" was being controlled by her emotions, considering what kind of a state she was in, it would have been so easy to detect them. But to my conscious memory, I felt none. "Samidare" felt hollow, like leaving the lights on in a room but with no one inside. There were no feelings, no thoughts, no sentiments. And as irrational as emotions can be, at least the baseline of _having_ emotions means that there is evidence of at least a little bit of reasoning, no matter how miniscule.

If there are no emotions, there can not possibly be reasoning. And with no reasoning, there cannot be sanity.

Hence, "insanity".

But if "Samidare" has truly gone insane, then this is a definition of insanity that is new to me. I thought I knew what insane meant because I could always look at Re-Class for my answer. But "Samidare" has changed that in a single morning. There in fact may be a more acute version of insanity, or perhaps an entirely different definition of it altogether, no one seems to know or understand for sure. But judging by the thoughts of Harusame, which I have been monitoring closely to get a grasp of what her opinions are like about this matter, and the words of Shigure when Harusame and she discussed the matter privately in the afternoon, I think that perhaps I alone seem to have thought of Samidare's ordeal through in this manner. Everyone so far believes that this is simply a matter of volatile emotions and an unstable mental condition, when there is dangerously great potential for this to be much more than that.

The fact that I must sit on my own conjectures, unable to share them, means that I can only hope that my friends are able to deduce the possibilities on their own.

How frustrating...


	23. Enemy

It is very strange to know that despite the state of consciousness of Harusame, who appears to be my host body, I am still able to maintain a separate state of consciousness from her. What I mean by this is that I am not subject to sleep when Harusame happens to sleep...in fact, I do not know if I have a need for sleep altogether, for I have been "awake" ever since I first awoke immediately following the reconversion surgery that has..."sealed" me away. Of course, where it has sealed me away to is a question that may perhaps never be answered, but that is not important right now. When Shigure and Harusame went to bed, they did so by joining the lonely Samidare in her bed in their room and holding each of her hands and going to sleep this way. Sisterly affection aside, this allowed me to keep a close eye on her, even though Harusame and Shigure were both sleeping and therefore unable to monitor Samidare's condition.

Samidare's signature had returned to normal...for the most part. Throughout the night, I still sensed trace amounts of that disturbingly odd signature that was neither ship girl's nor Abyssal's emanating from Samidare. The levels of these traces seemed to remain constant, or something close to what would be considered "constant" throughout the night. But when morning came and Samidare began to stir to wake, those traces became amplified for some reason and began to spike and fluctuate violently and uncontrollably. Samidare herself began to make small groaning noises in her sleep, and I saw perspiration form on her skin where I could see it. This happened for about ten minutes before she finally awoke.

Then, she began to cry.

I watched her cry to herself, and the longer I kept watching her, the more I felt like my heart, wherever it may be in this state of existence of mine, was forming tears. I wanted to use Harusame's arms to reach out to her and hold her, give her what little warmth I could produce with this cold body of mine. Reality is a cruel master, and instead, I had to lay beside Samidare, watching her cry and feeling her unbearably complicated feelings flood into my mind until Shigure and Harusame did wake up and helped her stop crying.

From my observations, I have reason to believe what happened to Samidare yesterday is a long-lasting, if not permanent, form of damage done to her signature. The traces of "Samidare" feel as though they have deeply embedded themselves into Samidare's signature, like they have rubbed themselves like sandpaper into her body and is now nearly impossible to wash away. It is as though they have become _part_ of her. Perhaps it is more accurate to liken these traces to a cancer: Samidare's signature has developed a cancerous tumor that represents the side of her that had emerged yesterday, and I do not see an immediate form of treatment for it. As for the traces' fluctuations and spikes, Samidare must have been suffering a nightmare of some kind to cause her signature to fluctuate as it did. It is difficult for us Abyssals to have "dreams", and I am inclined to believe that ship girls are similar in that aspect too, but a nightmare is the only plausible explanation that I can come up with to explain Samidare's signature fluctuations. In general, the signature of a ship girl or Abyssal is not supposed to fluctuate, whatsoever. It is comparable to a human heartbeat. If a heartbeat starts beating out of rhythm or irregularly, that means there is something very, very wrong. It is the same with us...although, because we, too, have heart organs, I suppose the signature cannot be the heart.

Then if not the heart, what would the signature represent...?

After breakfast, Shigure informed the developers about Samidare's nightmare, and they responded by putting Samidare through a diagnostic. The results of said diagnostic showed that Samidare now possesses a kind of disorder, which more or less is what I sensed earlier this morning before she had woken up. The developers called it "erratic neural dissonance", and they explained it as a condition that is causing Samidare's neural signals to break out of their synchronizations with each other and behave erratically beyond Samidare's conscious control. And as I had feared, the developers stated that as of right now, they did not have any form of treatment that Samidare could receive to rectify this disorder, simply because of the nature of the disorder.

Samidare does not seem aware of the nature of her disorder. No one seems to realize what has happened to her signature itself, the marring damage that apparently only I can sense very clearly. If only they were aware of what I know, perhaps something can be done. Or would it still not make a difference? I do not know. I can only sit here and hope that they find out on their own, and force myself not to think about the consequences that may follow if they do not. I have already tried to scream my heart out at them, only to be met with miserable failure. For now, I am inclined to agree that Samidare's erratic neural dissonance is indeed untreatable and perhaps even incurable, but only simply because of the fact that its cause has been just so bizarre.

As much as it pains me to say this, I do get the feeling that I would be able to learn much more about Samidare's condition if "Samidare" is allowed to resurface. If she could somehow bring that disturbingly odd Samidare once more when Harusame is nearby, I think I may understand a little bit more about..."Samidare", as much as...it scares me to see her again.

Then, Shigure, Samidare, and Harusame were told later on today that they were to be deployed to Europe instead of returning to Japan. The Abyssals were attacking in Europe, the developers stated, and had caused tremendous damage to one of the European countries, the Netherlands, by destroying large portions of their dikes that kept the country from being flooded, therefore flooding much of the country. The European fleets were nowhere as near as trained to deal with Abyssal attacks as much as the Japanese fleet is, so the developers intend to fly the three of them to Europe to assist anti-Abyssal operations there. Naturally, they did not like this whatsoever and wanted to return home. Harusame felt that this was quite unjust, but she was scared to speak up against the people who had saved her and reawakened her from her darkness of memory during the time I was..."alive". So Shigure spoke in their stead. She said that they were patriots, that they were meant to fight for their own country of Japan, not for other countries. She said that Japan was being attacked too, twice as much, in fact, seeing that we Abyssals attacked two of their naval installations so far, as it would seem. She did not want herself and her sisters to be seen and treated like convenient resources and manpower.

However, the developers clarified that this was not a suggestion, but instead, an order. One of them, whose name is Deimos, reminded the three of them that they were still, at the end of the day, their own creations. The Japanese government did not create them. They may have commissioned Seal Team Six to create them, perhaps, but it was with their resources and intellect that they were able to make the Moebius Four Platoon a reality in the first place. Besides, they said, if their own government could not even take care of their wounded and sunken, what good were they as their rightful "owners"? Their commands took highest priority; over the commands of the ship girls' officers and direct superiors and even government, the words of Seal Team Six and its operatives reign supreme.

In order to..."convince" them to accept the offer, the developers offered to rebuild those who had sunk in the attack on the Yokosuka Naval Yards two weeks ago. In fact, two of them are almost finished in their reconstructions, and they, too, would be able to join them in their excursion to Europe. If they did not accept this offer, they would be allowed to return to Japan, completely empty handed. They also added the terribly inconvenient addition that those who had sunk in the attack at the naval yards were no longer able to be revived by this time, for their bodies had been forcibly decommissioned for so long that their main processing units would no longer be able to be restarted.

Needless to say, Shigure, Samidare, and Harusame all returned to their room for the night extremely distraught and torn. They could not help but agree that such terms were unfair towards them because simply by nature alone did it force them towards one choice much more so than the other. Shigure angrily stated that the developers were deliberately taking advantage of their sunken sisters, whose names are Suzukaze and Kawakaze, in order to compel them towards the choice of deploying to Europe. If they wanted to be good sisters, then they had no choice here but to accept going to Europe and not returning home. All three of them clearly prioritize their own sisters over their loyalty towards their country and fellow comrades - but why would they not? They have a chance to immediately bring back their sisters, a prize that is well worth any sacrifice to anyone who wishes to be a good sibling. But the price they must pay, while not unbearable or even unreasonable, is still not a price they _want_ to pay. Samidare herself said that their mission was to come here to find a way to revive their losses, but simply by being told that they had taken too long, their mission had already failed from the start. With that heaviness looming over them, the three ship girls could choose to return to Japan, but they would return empty-handed, and even though their developers could easily replace their losses, there would be no easy way of having them return to Japan due to the hostilities between their two factions, apparently.

"We have no choice," Shigure stated at last. "We don't have a choice at all..."

Harusame tried her best to cheer Shigure and Samidare up. She tried to point out that they would at least have Suzukaze and Kawakaze, the sisters they had lost, to come with them to Europe. She said that maybe their mission in Europe would not even take that long, maybe a few days, a week at most. They would all return to Japan safely, with plenty of combat experience to boot which they could use to help defend their own country more efficiently and effectively.

Poor Harusame. She was only given cold, unfriendly looks by her sisters who did not have the hearts to tolerate her hopeful thinking of optimism. Their cold stares alone forced Harusame into silent submission, and I could feel her heart ache by this. Harusame only intended to lift the lowly spirits of her sisters and yet was met with vicious animosity, so she felt incredibly hurt. Harusame wondered to herself why her sisters reacted so harshly to her words when she only had good intentions. For the rest of the night, she was forced to deal with the dejected attitudes of her sisters who, with their hearts heavy with misery, remained silent for the rest of the night, brooding and contemplative. Without knowing what else to do, Harusame fell into an uneasy sleep, and the others are starting to follow suit as well.

Now, I must wonder: is it because of my existence that these sisters now seem to be torn like this? Had I not been born, there may not have been any attack on the Yokosuka Naval Yards. Their sisters would not have had to die and be used as bargaining chips to compel these three girls to do something they did not want to do. And most importantly, Harusame would never have had to be separated from her sisters.

Of course, this is all just roundabout and completely unnecessary theorycrafting. But I cannot help but feel that as much as I want to help these girls whom I want to call friends, I am inadvertently hurting them more than I am helping.

And a friend who hurts more than she helps is not called a friend...she is called an enemy.


	24. Joy

Before Shigure, Harusame, and Samidare went to go deliver their reply to the developer team, Samidare sat the three of them down on their bed, saying she wanted to discuss a few things with each of them.

For Harusame, mainly, she confronted her about the feelings she must have about everything that has happened thus far. I was quite surprised - Harusame has been keeping these feelings to herself; I have not seen her talk about it openly with either of her sisters or anyone else on the developer team. And for how well she has been hiding these feelings, one may not have thought that Harusame was able to keep it such a secret from her sisters for so long. So for Samidare to have spotted it purely by...well, I suppose facial expressions, overall attitude, and perhaps other subtle physical clues that may have given it away, Samidare is either incredibly perceptive or is just a truly loving sister.

I could feel Harusame's heart sink slowly when she realized Samidare had gotten onto her about her feelings about the recent course of events. Harusame had intended to keep these feelings a complete secret from everyone until she could either come to terms with them on her own or find that over time, they meant less and less to her. She did not want to bring it up with her sisters because she was deathly afraid of doing so - she felt like she would come off as weak and pathetic if she tried to talk out her feelings with them. The reasons were actually different for the two of them: Harusame mainly felt this way towards Shigure, but towards Samidare, since Harusame had already seen her fall into a state of trauma, she felt that speaking with Samidare would not only do no favors for Samidare herself, but also, Harusame felt like her own problems paled in comparison to what Samidare must be suffering. How could she go to someone for consoling if that person needed it so much more?

After listening to Samidare, all that Harusame felt she could say was, "I'm sorry". I watched as Samidare's face filled with pain. I have seen that facial expression too many times during our time spent here in this underground base, so...I have come to learn what it precisely means when someone makes a face such as that. Samidare went on further to tell Harusame that none of this was her fault, but then Harusame responded with,

"But...if...the Abyssals just sank me...and didn't capture me, and...turned me into...one of them, then, then...maybe...none of this would have ever happened..."

Samidare could not bring herself to speak another word after hearing this, so Shigure took over for her from there.

Shigure calmly explained to Harusame that both she and Samidare were only trying to do their best as sisters, and that there was absolutely no need to suffer alone. For Harusame to go with everyone into Europe with a mindset such as this would only end in terrible pain, for they did not know what kinds of trials and tribulations they would have to face in Germany. For the sake of the mission, it would be for the best if Harusame could leave her feelings here behind, those feelings of associative guilt. Shigure also responded to Harusame's thought of perhaps dying instead of letting herself become converted by saying that death must never be thought of as an answer to situations like this. Shigure staunchly declared that no one should ever think at any point in their lives that the world would be better off without them living. Because of the Abyssals really did sink Harusame instead of converting her, then Shigure and Samidare would have never had Harusame (when I was active) with them, by their side, escorting them to safety on the last leg of their voyage across the ocean. Shigure firmly asked Harusame to have more confidence in herself; there was no reason to focus on the bad aspects of everything that had happened, for she was not herself (technically true) when I was active. Simply bogging her own mind down with all the negatives would only serve to dampen her spirits, and none of them wanted that.

Besides, Shigure said, before the Yokosuka Naval Yards had been attacked, she admitted that she herself had problems too. She, too, like Samidare, had been focusing too heavily on the grave injuries suffered by their Admiral at the time of the surprise attack at Okinawa, and she had failed to be the best sister she could be for her younger sisters at base. So when their sisters Suzukaze and Kawakaze, I think were their names, sank during our attack, Shigure realized that life could potentially be too short for her to simply sit around and dwell on the pains of the past; if there were people she still could protect and fight for, that is what she ought to be doing, not sitting in her room all day groveling in the muck of her own bad feelings and pain. And Shigure would not have it at all if Harusame were to fall into the same quagmire.

"If anything is bothering you, Harusame, please, _please_ , come talk to us. Even if you think we don't want to. We will always make time for each other," Shigure said.

Amazingly, I felt Harusame's thoughts slowly change the more Shigure spoke, to the point where by the time Shigure was done, Harusame was able to unshackle herself and abandon the cuffs of her former mindset that had been weighing her down. She crawled up to Samidare on the bed and gave her a big hug, apologizing a second time but this time for the improper attitude she had been holding herself to. And after promising to never doubt her sisters ever again, Harusame received a small kiss on the forehead from Samidare.

I wonder what that must feel like.

Once Harusame had been spoken to, Samidare spoke with Shigure as well. She informed Shigure that she believed her to be the most likely to survive their operations in Germany should they have to battle more fierce Abyssals there as well. Particularly, if Samidare herself did not survive, she wanted Shigure to replace her as a ranked ship girl and adopt her rank and uniform upon returning to Japan. Shigure responded that she would not allow any of her sisters to sink while they were in Germany, for she wanted everyone to return to their native country of Japan after their excursion into European waters was complete. Even so, Samidare still insisted on this on the additional note that she personally felt Shigure was more deserving of her rank and uniform than Samidare herself was, citing her great power and prowess as a ship girl. "Combat experience" was simply a vague term referring to some arbitrary amount of battle experience that the ship girls had gained while partaking in battles in the past, and no matter how she looked at it, Samidare felt that Shigure's combat experience was just as much as her own, perhaps even more so because of the fact that she was easily the strongest among the three of them.

Shigure countered by arguing that Samidare had the leadership that they needed to be an effective fighting force. Power is not everything, Shigure said. Just because she was the most capable in terms of slaying enemies did not automatically mean she could be made into an effective leader. A weapon cannot be a leader, she said, but a leader can be a weapon, and a much more dangerous weapon, at that. On top of which, a good leader needs to have a good weapon, and what better weapon would Samidare have than Shigure herself? Samidare ended up unable to carry out this little debate between them.

For someone who claims to have no leadership, I do wholeheartedly think that Shigure certainly can speak quite eloquently. I personally feel she is underestimating her own potential as a leader as well. Shigure is certainly right about her notion that a leader must have a good weapon. But along the same lines, should a leader not also have a good second-in-command? Just like how there are tiers of Admirals in modern navies, such as Lieutenant Admirals, Rear Admirals, and Fleet Admirals. Why not simply give Shigure her own rank and uniform and have her serve under Samidare as her direct superior? Would that not satisfy everyone involved? Or is there something else I do not quite understand or know of at the moment?

After this, they sortied to the diagnostics laboratories to meet with the developers. There, to everyone's surprise, they met one of their sisters who had been promised to them if they were to accept their mission to deploy to Germany, and her name is Suzukaze.

I watched as Samidare ran up to Suzukaze the moment she lay her eyes on her. I think I remember catching a glimpse of Suzukaze during our ambush attack at Yokosuka Naval Yards, but beyond that, she is foreign to my memory. I should think the two of them to be twins, for they are of similar height and share the same uniform. Their faces are even quite similar too, with the only real physical feature differentiating the two of them being their hair color and the color of their side bobble ornaments. For the first time in my memory, I witnessed Samidare cry in happiness.

Having been able to call Samidare my friend before I was cast out of Harusame's body, having seen at least some of her trials and tribulations suffered alongside her sister Shigure, seeing all of the emotions etched upon her face from everything we had been through together, finally being able to her see cry joyfully would have been enough to make me weep as well...my only regret is that I am not capable of doing so in this mysterious state.

For the first time, I was able to see my dear friend feel happiness, and I was not there to share her joy. It pains me, and it makes me feel...left out, to a certain extent, but who can be blamed? In the end, it is alright, for I know my friend is happy and is all the better for it. If they are happy, I am happy. They deserve this happiness far more than I do.

Suzukaze almost feels like a more lively, more outgoing, and less restrained version of Samidare, judging from what I was able to observe of her speech and behavior. She seems like a very fun person to be with, and the fact that she has been rebuilt here has brought great joy to my friends. I am happy about that, but I hear there is one more sister of theirs who will join them tomorrow before they deploy.

Finally, today has been a day filled with reconciliation and joy. While I have no doubt the feelings of joy will only last for today, the fact that there has been reason enough to be joyful and happy is rejuvenating, even for me. It hurts to simply be a third party member watching from the sidelines where I cannot even communicate with anyone when I desperately wish I had the ability to and be forced to simply watch my friends sink further and further into these waters of nightmares and pain. Perhaps it is mainly because Harusame herself has been very positive and happy the whole day today as the sisters have all spent time together, but I still do earnestly feel contented, if only for a little while, that my friends have been able to taste happiness to soothe their aching hearts.

Because even if we are, at the end of the day, mere machines, and our emotions must be transcribed in zeroes, ones, X's, Y's, and Z's, our feelings will still remain as genuine as any other human being's.


	25. Exposure

It seems now that we have ended up on the other side of the world. Far away from what any of us would call home, Harusame and her sisters must now adjust to a new life for a period of time so long as their mission here in Europe remains active.

Perhaps, during their time here, clues may abound that may tell me what my intended purpose here in Europe really was. After all, I shan't forget that my own mission, too, was to be summoned here to Europe...perhaps I will find out through third-party means what my purpose really was.

But first, there are things to discuss pertaining to events that have unfolded today.

Most important of such events relates to the second remodel received by the destroyers' newly reconstructed sister named Kawakaze. When Shigure heard of this, she became extremely irate at the situation. She demanded to know from the developers why they had not had even the decency to instead give this second remodel procedure to Samidare. I paid very close attention to this talk of the second remodel; this topic was a much-frequently discussed point of concern even among my Abyssal peers, before I decided to defect. I overheard many of them complain and wonder about it, about how they or other Abyssals spotted some ship girls they battled in the months prior, about how their appearances had been altered slightly, and about how their powers had drastically increased. Such was the massive spike in the increase of their abilities and powers that even Re-Class expressed concern over this, since according to her, "even those annoying [expletive] destroyers are gonna catch up to me at the rate they're goin'". But they did not discuss the details of the second remodel itself, to my slight disappointment. Instead, the argument stayed centered around the question of why Samidare did not receive the second remodel that had been given to Kawakaze.

And the developers replied that they had accidentally misplaced the original code and program files and codexes for Samidare; had they had them in their immediate possession, they would have remodeled Samidare instead. But because it would take them too long to search for Samidare's missing files, they instead decided to remodel Kawakaze instead, because not only was she in the midst of reconstruction, making it very easy for the developers to simply remodel her before her reconstruction completed, but the developers apparently had many ideas to put into the design of Kawakaze's second remodel.

I think I will have to agree with Shigure. Perhaps if there was a more logical explanation to support their decision, perhaps by stating that Kawakaze was a stronger destroyer and thus would benefit more from a second remodel, or something along these lines, then it would have been more acceptable. But the developers' explanation seems to me to be more of an...excuse, rather than an explanation. In addition, looking at my own Abyssal self as a reference and my other fellow capital Abyssal ship girls, typically it is a good idea to maximize the strength, abilities, and capabilities of those who lead the fleet or the squadron. Failing to remodel Samidare, I fear, will have long-term impacts on the destroyers. I hope it will not come to pass, but I sense that there may come a time, a battle, perhaps, when Samidare, by not receiving a second remodel here and now, will suffer greatly. Perhaps she may receive one of her own and this problem will never come to fruition. But until then, I question this decision.

But the incident was resolved through Samidare's pleading and begging with Shigure, along with the pressure put on her to calm down and forget about this incident by the rest of the destroyer sisters. As compensation, the developers awarded Shigure with a rank and uniform of her own, just like Shigure, something that they claimed was planned with or without the context of this second remodel scandal. Shigure tried to refuse it in protest of this questionable second remodel incident, but again, she was pressured by her sisters, again mostly by Samidare, to accept it. Harusame's thoughts were entirely on the side of Samidare - I am starting to think that Harusame and Samidare have extremely similar mentalities, which may not be so surprising, seeing that their personalities, too, are quite similar.

And once this incident was resolved, the destroyers (and myself, I suppose, since I am anchored to the body of Harusame in this odd, transcended state of existence) departed from the local airport and spent the majority of the day flying to Berlin, Germany. I actually quite enjoyed the journey, because the developers, expressing their intent to keep the destroyers' presence in Germany a secret from public knowledge, sent them through civilian flights so as not to gain attention from military groups of any kind that may alert government authorities and leak information back to Japan that the destroyers are being sent on an unauthorized mission to Europe. I particularly enjoyed this journey. Unlike the rest of my Abyssal peers, I was not born sharing the same hatred and animosity of humanity; rather, at the time of my birth and before my defection, I simply did not hold an opinion of humans. But while we were driven to the airport nearest to the developers' base, called the Los Angeles International Airport, I could not stop myself from looking around, trying to get a glimpse of everything possible. A life on land quickly grew extremely intriguing to me. Having lived the majority of my short life in the ocean, where land was a rather rare sight, the concept of terrestrial habitation, while common knowledge even to us Abyssals, is rather difficult for me to comprehend.

On land, there are so many interesting sights to see. Just the simple thought of people walking about on land, driving vehicles on these streets...the landscape changes and shifts with every passing minute, unlike the stale, static expanse of seawater, clouds, and skies that we Abyssals and ship girls are so accustomed to seeing. And when we arrived at the airport, if I still had a body to call my own, my mouth would have been hanging agape the entire time. I could have never imagined so many people in one location, in the same vicinity, all at once. Like a school of fish, but instead filled with human beings. And the airport itself...so many interesting things to look at, such as the people, the signs, the carts, the luggage and bags, and the booths. I truly felt like a little child as the two developers who drove us to the airport, Miss Lauren and Miss Losira, helped us through the initial lines of security and secured our airplane tickets. For the first time since I entered this odd state of existence, I found myself actually grateful that I could not be seen, because I feared I would have looked utterly ridiculous, staring at everything and anything my eyes could set themselves upon.

However, not everything I saw with my eyes intrigued me, though Harusame noticed these less-than-ideal things before me, for I was heavily distracted by the things I wanted to look at. She was among the first of the destroyers to notice that the five of them were receiving a plethora of uncomfortable gazes by many male human beings. I looked for myself, and indeed this was true. Everywhere we went, the human beings we passed, both male and female alike, stopped what they were doing to steal a look at us. Understandably, the males kept wanting to look for much longer than the females, but I could sharply sense Harusame's growing discomfort with their situation. Clearly, the destroyers had not had any experience dwelling among civilian human populations themselves, as they reacted poorly to the treatment they received from other humans. At one point, while we were waiting for our flight in the Los Angeles terminal, one rather brave male individual walked up to Kawakaze and sat in the empty seat next to her and began asking where we were headed. Kawakaze and Suzukaze both replied at the same time to the man to remove himself from them with aggressive tones, and when the man protested and insisted that he stay, Kawakaze grabbed his collar and warned him that he was not welcome, convincing him adequately to leave.

It was by this point I truly began to feel rather thankful that I am not seen to the public eye. If my friends can attract so much attention simply due to their appearances and physical features alone, perhaps it is for the best that I am in the state that I am in now. Because, at the very least, I have noticed that the looks and gazes that my friends have been attracting from the local male human populations have been gazes of admiration, intrigue, interest...perhaps even lust, should I dare go so far. Should my unnaturally pale skin in comparison to normal human skin tones and my hair be exposed to the public eye, I can only imagine the looks of disgust and hatred I would draw...

The flights, however, were thankfully a pleasant experience. The developers had purchased what were called "first-class" tickets for us, and for our first flight, we found ourselves in a luxurious, posh section of the airplane that we had all to ourselves. Harusame was extremely happy with this and fell asleep in her seat almost immediately, and Samidare, who was sitting next to her, stroked her hair while she slept. Kawakaze discussed her thoughts about her second remodel during the flight, agreeing with Shigure that perhaps it would have been best for Samidare to have received it instead, but Samidare firmly put an end to the second remodel debate by saying that what was done was done, and that she did not need a second remodel to be the best leader of her sisters as she could be.

Harusame's mental peacefulness that was produced from her tranquil enjoyment of the comfortable first-class seats compelled me to drift off as well; even though I myself cannot sleep, I can attain a substate very similar to it, in which my thoughts and emotions slowly halt themselves and let me exist through the senses of Harusame alone. Having been sensing Harusame's negative emotions for a few days straight since her revival, I felt quite spoiled by Harusame's influx of peace and happiness, so much so that I still do not know if I should allow myself to become used to such states of happiness. I fear that I will make the mistake of letting myself become too accustomed to this feeling and suffer terribly when Harusame's sense of joy is stripped away from her violently.

And finally, when we arrived in Germany and were taken to our temporary residence in the house of the German Chancellor and his wife and daughter, Harusame felt overwhelmed by the relative opulence of the home itself and the room that was reserved for us to sleep in. She took a keen interest in the daughter of the household, a human baby named Retia, who in turn became fascinated with Harusame's pink hair and kept touching it, which tickled Harusame, much to her amusement. The destroyers accepted a late-night meal from the heads of the household, and what they prepared for them was beyond what any of us could have imagined. Having lived on a diet of seafood and simple military rations during our time in the developers' secret base, the food they presented us was nothing short of stunning; I felt as though my friends were being treated like royalty. It made my own mouth water simply setting my eyes on the food, even though it is impossible for me to feel hunger or thirst in this state, and it was very difficult for me to watch my friends eat and drink such sumptuous food without being able to partake in it myself.

Harusame was the happiest she has ever been since her revival, so as long as she is this happy, I can endure any hardship, including the hardship of being unable to eat great food and having to watch others eat it instead.


	26. Colors

Having "woken up" before anyone else this morning, I immediately noticed how peaceful the room was today. Being able to see the sleeping expressions on Harusame's sisters has given me such a notion, I suppose. For I have seen the sleeping postures and expressions on Samidare, Harusame, and Shigure, respectively, and not once have I seen them sleep with such ease and peace as this morning. Even in a completely different country halfway around the world, these girls have found it in themselves to still be happy despite their situation and their assigned tasks.

Even in my own time of active duty, I must admit that I myself had little reason to feel happy. I would have imagined that I would be the type to feel so incredibly jealous of anyone else I saw being so happy, and that included Harusame herself and her sisters. Being more or less forced to be anchored to her and observe all that she observes, feel all that she feels to an extent, knowing what she knows, I thought that eventually, there will come a time when I feel so much angst from being unable to partake in her happiness that I just wouldn't be able to stand it. However, that has not once yet been the case. Not once have I felt jealous or miffed at the fact that Harusame or her sisters have finally been able to find at least some shred of happiness recently. The reconstruction of their sunken ship sisters, coming into the open arms of a welcoming German family who has never once known or let alone seen them prior to their introduction the previous evening, even if these are small amounts of happiness in the eyes of others, Harusame herself is certainly treating them like big ones, and thus she is in a much better emotional and psychological state than she has been in ever since her return, and I myself have also been very happy for her.

But why? Why is it that I cannot feel envy? I do not think our cognitions are linked or connected; we both very clearly possess our own separate thought processes. This is, to me, clearly not a case of telepathic thought influence. What Harusame thinks is not meddling with how I think, in other words. This means that my inability to become envious of Harusame or her sisters is entirely my conviction, and mine alone. Because I find it difficult to believe that I myself am truly capable of such...altruism, of watching a girl and her group of sisters be happy all together and being happy just for them. I think it may be because I am partly indulging in their happiness as well. Even if our thoughts may be separate entities, there is no denying that because I know everything Harusame is thinking, I must be at least _somewhat_ biased for her, and her happiness is thus at least partially converted into my own. I suppose in a more morbid way, I could simply pretend that I myself was in fact Harusame, and that I could additionally pretend all her sisters were my own siblings as well, and this way, I could absorb the happiness to fill the void in my own heart.

If that is truly the case, then I really do feel a little...pathetic. Having to leech happiness off another person and her family like this simply to bring what little warmth I can to my cold, emotionless Abyssal heart, I suppose that really is proof that I am an Abyssal and nothing more. And I must also add that being trapped inside Harusame's mind like this, being subjected to witness the daily interactions of Harusame and her sisters with others while being nothing more than a silent third party to everything that Harusame does - already I can feel the psychological toll this has on my mind. Being unable to communicate with anyone even though they are mere arm-lengths away...cruelty cannot possibly have such an unbearable name.

The events of today were quite simple and straightforward: Harusame and her sisters woke up, ate breakfast, and made friends with the German ship girls, whom we learned existed very soon after we had woken up. Perhaps it was something we could have expected, but given the stresses of travels and the events leading up to our travels, we did not think about the possibility of a German ship girl fleet, so the surprise was amplified for them. The German ship girls look quite dignified and impressive, particularly the battleship named Bismarck and the airplane carrier named Graf Zeppelin. It was certainly quite disappointing and disheartening to learn that those six German ship girls were all that the German fleet possessed, however. I do question why the developers had elected to construct only six of them, considering they apparently had enough resources to build the entire Japanese fleet. It hardly seems fair that one nation in the Pacific winds up receiving an entire navy of fleet personnel, and three countries in Europe, as we were told, have been given a total number of ship girls that is woefully insufficient to match that of the Japanese fleet. Perhaps I am simply ignoring military logistics and oversimplifying the matter, but I suppose I simply wanted to express my disappointment in such a tiny fleet compared to what Harusame and her sisters are used to.

Another thing to note is that Samidare's reputation as the first ranked ship girl in the world has preceded her. Even the dignified German battleship Bismarck politely asked for her cooperation in their training to become Europe's finest fleet of ship girls. Bismarck claimed that they could have no better instructor than Samidare, and it was their intention to learn as much as possible under her tutelage and the tutelage of her sisters while they still remained in Germany. Bismarck explained her reasoning by stating that their battle experience was far from satisfactory: their training with the British fleet for the past ten days actually meant very little because they were simply training with another fleet of ship girls who also had no prior live battle experience against us Abyssals before the attack on the Netherlands, and even the battle against the Abyssals themselves at the Netherlands did not mean as much as they'd hoped due to the sheer amount of inefficiencies and mistakes that cost them a lot of blood that paid for those mistakes in combat. The only effective training, Bismarck proclaimed, was careful, thoughtful, and diligent training under the guidance of battle-hardened veterans in the Japanese ship girls who have all fought Abyssals like it has been their job for the past six months. While we could all tell that Bismarck was getting a little wrapped up in her own fervor, her message was still clear, and her intentions, after some discussion, was at least somewhat justified and warranted. This was indeed a great chance for the German fleet to further their skills, especially considering the fact that Japanese ship girls would otherwise be currently unavailable for any sort of joint training program, given the current situation in Japan.

I say this because I personally find it quite interesting to see just how much influence a ranked ship girl may have in a modern military. Because we Abyssals do not have a structured military like modern countries do and simply operate off vague hierarchies based on personal power given to us at construction time that determines our status in the Abyssal fleet, I really do want to learn more about modern militaries and how they operate...I think I remember mentioning this once or twice before. So Samidare (and now Shigure too, for she has gained at least a temporary rank specifically for this operation) holding rank is very important, and I intend to observe what kind of influence she will have here. Already her influence is at work, receiving such praise from Bismarck in the form of her request to put herself and her fellow German colleagues under her tutelage to train. Now I would have to see how she would fare within, say, a civilian setting or even perhaps within a standard military setting with other officers and perhaps foot soldiers with lower ranks. I am quite interested to see this unfold.

On a lighter note, human cuisine seem much more varied and delectable than the comparatively bland and ordinary seafood diets that we Abyssals subsist on. The dinner Harusame and her sisters feasted on yesterday seemed so delicious I myself could taste their inviting tastes through Harusame. Even the breakfast today seemed so much more hearty than the humble, Spartan Abyssal breakfast of a fish or two, maybe a clam or oyster if we happened to stumble upon it. I would gladly kill just for an opportunity to put a morsel of the food or a drop of the drink ("apple cider", I think it was called) onto my tongue...but then again, there are far better things I would rather kill for. But by far the snacks were what interested me the most. Harusame has a fondness for sweet things, and while the snacks were a little bit too sweet, at least compared to what she was used to, she and Samidare ate their snacks little by little to mitigate the amount of sweetness pouring into their taste buds at once, and this way they were able to enjoy the snacks served to them by their German friends.

Harusame and Samidare seem to have made their acquaintances with the German submarine, whom they have elected to simply call "Yuu", a little bit better than the others, for Yuu more often spent time with Harusame and Samidare as they talked with Bismarck, who, true to her earlier request in the morning, wished to speak with Samidare about everything and anything related to their training. Harusame herself has also taken a liking to the household baby named Retia, who has also been quite friendly with Harusame and her newcomer sisters. It would seem baby Retia has fun playing with hair, most notably Samidare's, Harusame's, and Kawakaze's, all of whom have very brightly and perhaps uncommonly colored hairs, and perhaps it is the strange bright colors that so captivates little Retia's interest.

Just earlier, when Harusame and her sisters were preparing for bed because they would need to be up early tomorrow morning, Harusame consulted her sister Samidare in private and asked her if she was truly alright with taking up the responsibility of training their new German friends. Harusame voiced her worry that perhaps Samidare might be overreaching a little, that she was perhaps taking her duties as lieutenant a little bit too seriously. While she was all for helping their new friends train and become better ship girls, she was more personally afraid of Samidare wearing herself out rapidly and not having enough energy to fight when it truly mattered. Samidare reassured Harusame that she would still try her best, that she would not turn down a request for help from their new friends because they did not have anyone else to turn to for this kind of help. In fact, Samidare said that she'd go so far as to suggest she feels obligated to help them. And besides, she'd been through tough training sessions before during their deployment to Okinawa, under the command of their previous Admiral; she was no stranger to long training sessions. But Samidare thanked her anyway for her concern just in time before Kawakaze entered their bathroom and glomped her from behind, asking if she'd like to join her in the bathtub together, which made both Harusame and Samidare quite embarrassed. The situation quickly devolved when Shigure also joined in, claiming that the only one who was allowed to bathe with Samidare was herself, due to age privileges, which Kawakaze immediately protested while continuing to trap Samidare within the grasp of her own arms. Samidare simply had a look of bewilderment on her face, one that questioned the sudden rise in her popularity in the recent hours of the day.


	27. Destroyer Tactics

It appears that the developers of Harusame and her sisters have ended up coming to Germany themselves too. They explained that not only did they have to come here for some important business on their own agenda, but they also intended to supply Harusame and the everyone their new equipment constructed domestically here in Germany and assist Samidare and Shigure in their responsibility of helping train the German ship girls by granting us permission to use a virtual simulation program that will allow Harusame and everyone to train in a convenient location without having to fly out to the ocean for such training.

I paid as close attention as I could to the tactics and strategies of the ship girls. Perhaps this is in my nature to eavesdrop on such matters, me being an Abyssal and all, but combat tactics and strategies are the biggest thing in a while now that will sufficiently hold my focus for an extended period of time whilst I dwell in this body of Harusame, in this strange existence of mine. Perhaps one day, if I ever have the chance to emerge once again, I will be prepared. For whose side, I am not sure - but I am hoping my keen attention here will prepare me nonetheless...hopefully for the better.

For today, Samidare had the German ship girls practice fleet tactics that put the focus of the battle on their two destroyers. Samidare and Shigure managed to convince the Germans that their standard tactic of centering their strategies around Bismarck, their battleship, was out of place in modern naval fights against the Abyssals due to the fact that battleships while tough and very strong and powerful, would not last in a prolonged naval engagement. Instead, they should try to shift some of the combat burden onto Lebe and Max, the nicknames for the two German destroyers, upon Samidare's recommendation, and as such, they trained this tactic for the rest of the day.

As an Abyssal, I do think there are some notable flaws with Samidare's strategy of centering the attention onto the destroyers. She is certainly correct about the fact that even battleships can sink under prolonged and continuous fire if all they do is tank damage and never have any way of retaliating competently against their attackers, but relying on the destroyers to take on the brunt of the work is not wise either. I think Samidare is drawing _too_ much on her own prior combat experience: the battles that she has participated with, if my Abyssal comrades are to be believed, involved large numbers of ship girls battling against even larger numbers of Abyssals. So this means that Samidare's tactic should only work as planned in large-scale naval battles, where well-disciplined and aggressive destroyers like Shigure truly excel in the chaos of a large-scale naval battle. However, for a small-scale naval engagement, if there are only a small number of destroyers, as is the case here with the Germans, then the destroyers will quickly be shot down. Lebe and Max, the two German destroyers, seem to be capable enough. They are very disciplined, very accurate, and follow orders very well. However, as good soldiers as they may be in their own right, they still cannot hold a candle to destroyers the likes of Shigure. Samidare's strategy of focusing heavily on the destroyers to get most of the combat duties in a naval engagement done has a critical flaw in the fact that it relies too heavily on either aggressive destroyers or destroyers who are just so powerful and so knowledgeable in anti-Abyssal warfare that they can win an entire naval engagement all by themselves anyway. It relies on destroyers who know exactly what they are doing at all times, are aware of all the enemies in the field at all times, and are comfortable fighting both within melee range and at range with conventional cannon and guns. Shigure fulfills this role, and so do Kawakaze and Suzukaze, after briefly watching them train as well, but unless you are like them, I cannot see this strategy having long-term utility with a fleet as small as the Germans'. Maybe it is that Lebe and Max are also just as capable as Shigure is at this distinctly aggressive fighting style, but if their training today was anything to go by, that seems unlikely. And even for Shigure, she got hit herself by two heavy cruisers during one of their training programs and sported quite a bit of damage to show for it, just to be floating at the end of the level, without her still remaining on the water. This means that even for Samidare's own destroyer-centric strategy, destroyers cannot last for long with a strong injury or once they hold an injury of some kind going into a fight, and it is regardless very brutal on the destroyers who fight for it.

Destroyers are strong, but perhaps not as strong as Samidare wants to believe. She doesn't realize just yet that her new friends in the German ship girls may not be as powerful as what she is used to. Samidare herself must realize the growing gap between destroyers that her head imagines and destroyers in reality, and I have confidence that she will come to see her mistakes sooner or later, since such is the ways of naval strategy sometimes; you only know if a tactic works if you try it out. And when she does, I am interested to know how she goes about modifying her tactic. Will she settle for a mixed role reprisal in the fleet? Will she go back to allowing the German fleet to keep their previous battleship-centric tactics? Or will she respond by creating tactics of her own that will specifically fit the German fleet and no one else? That would certainly be interesting to see, to say the least, if Samidare actually does go through the trouble of creating custom tactics specifically for our newfound German comrades.

Come to think of it, Samidare's tactics would also work if I think about the two fleets collaborating together in the grand scheme of things: her insistence on the power of the destroyers may work out if the German fleet is consistently joined by Samidare and her sisters themselves. The burden of combat would not have to rest solely on the shoulders of Max and Lebe to share between themselves only; assuming that Harusame and her sisters are also fighting alongside their German friends, Samidare would not have to worry about most of the flaws in her tactics. Perhaps that was what she was going for when she was training the Germans all day today? Or does she still truly not see the problems with her strategies? Again, we will know for sure once the time comes, but I would rather that we know exactly what our tactics' strengths and weaknesses are prior to going into a live naval battle against my comrades and my brethren. For I know, simply by taking one look at myself, that we Abyssals have been gaining quite the universally ruthless edge against the ship girls - myself excluded, of course, for obvious reasons. Any sort of weakness that we sense or find will be exploited to the fullest sense of the word, because we are by now very much so used to taking very heavy losses for minimalistic trades and even gains. We are happy to throw tens, dozens, hundreds of bodies at a fleet of ship girls if it means that we can guarantee at least one of their demises because that's how our predecessors used to fight: as the ship girls like Samidare began to grow more honed in their skills and their execution of fleet tactics, we Abyssals could only counter mainly by matching their increase in skill with an increase of our own determination. Sure, we had our own tactics and fleet maneuvers, but like true denizens of the deep blue sea, we Abyssals are more fueled by a thirst to sink the ship girls more so than anything else. And once our thirst grows strong enough, tactics and the like are thrown out of the window, and by that point, what good are tactics of the ship girls if their enemies, the Abyssals, no longer adhere to their expectations?

Well, I am sure Samidare has an answer for that too. I believe I have heard her mention once or twice before that Samidare herself has suffered a death at the hands of my comrades before my time earlier in the year.

Which reminds me - the German ship girls have professed that none of them have had the opportunity to experience death yet, though Bismarck came close during their last battle against the Abyssals during their assault on the Netherlands. For their sake, I do wish for Samidare or Shigure to teach the German ship girls what happens when they meet their demises in battle. Kawakaze and Suzukaze...although I am still uneasy about them in particular, they cannot speak on this topic because while they both technically did sink in a prior battle (caused by me), their current bodies are different than the ones that suffered their deaths and thus do not remember them. Samidare is the only one among Harusame's sisters who knows the feeling of getting shot to death in the middle of combat. I suppose Harusame _technically_ may count, but I wouldn't personally say that Harusame "died" when I was created using her body. Regardless, I feel that it is important for Samidare to prepare the German ship girls mentally in case they suffer a death among their ranks. Although preparing them so that they can minimize any chances of losing a potential ship girl among them is perhaps more important, I think that we Abyssals will become enough of a threat that all the fleets of ship girls in the world, regardless of nationality or levels of discipline and training, will suffer at least a few casualties, some fatalities. Of course, with Seal Team Six in support, whatever fatalities they may suffer are at most temporary; even if such fatalities are permanent, the developers can always build more to replace them. But for the ship girls themselves who may not know the feeling of losing a comrade, Samidare must prepare them. That is one of the crucial differences between us and the ship girls: the ship girls behave just like humans and suffer tremendously from the pyschological backlash of their actions and their friends' actions...meanwhile, we Abyssals simply do not care for such things and fight, fight, fight.

Speaking of fighting, Harusame herself has been watching today's training session led by Shigure and Samidare and looked on with a noticeable degree of nervousness. Harusame knows that while she is perfectly capable of executing fleet maneuvers and participating in fleet-wide bombardments, she is nowhere near as skilled as, say, her sister Shigure or even her sister Samidare. She deeply worries that her shy nature and reserved personality are too restrictive of her combat behavior and wonders if she should strive to change her behavior as a result of it. She fears becoming a useless member of the Shiratsuyu-Class, and if her uselessness becomes apparent in the eyes of the German ship girls, she may serve to merely dampen their relations with their new German friends and be made a point of ridicule. While becoming a point of ridicule is a little bit much, I do understand where Harusame is coming from on this. Shyness and reservedness have no place out in the deep blue sea, when the cannon shells are flying and bullets are whizzing. But at the same time, I do not think Harusame absolutely _has_ to change who she is in order to become an effective fighter. But how is she supposed to find that happy middle ground? Can she truly stay "Harusame" and still fight well at the same time?

I fear that only with an actual battle will we both find that out.


	28. Wavedashing

Another day of strict training.

Samidare had her sisters Harusame, Kawakaze, and Suzukaze work with the two German destroyers, Leberecht Maass (called Lebe for short) and Max Schultz (Max for short), to help train their skills in advanced combat movement.

The strange thing that I want to mention about the virtual simulation program that the ship girls are using to aid their training regimens is that I can see the simulations too. Because my consciousness is independent of Harusame's, I expected to be unable to see the simulations they were talking about yesterday upon arriving at the training facility. But lo and behold, I can see everything just as well as they can, so I have been taking full advantage of my luck by following along with their training and observing everything and everyone. I wonder what causes it so that I may see the simulations. Maybe the fact that Harusame and I share physical senses, to a certain extent? But I can freely choose not to feel whatever she feels or know what she thinks at any given moment; I am at liberty to synchronize with her senses whenever I please. Perhaps now is not the time to ask these questions, since clearly I cannot obtain the answer for them.

Regardless, the reconstructed destroyer Kawakaze suggested that they all train with the German destroyers because all of them have yet to undergo serious training themselves due to their own personal reasons that need no mention here. Just as my host body has feared, Harusame ended up being the least proficient in combat maneuvers by a woefully large margin. While Kawakaze and Suzukaze were able to quickly teach themselves the tricks and nuances of combat movement, Harusame was nowhere near as adaptive, something she felt incredibly ashamed about because she had at least been deployed to Okinawa with Shigure and Samidare for at least a few weeks before she was captured, meaning unlike Kawakaze and Suzukaze, she should at least remember some of her fleet training she received back at the island of Okinawa. Kawakaze quickly reassured her that they would all practice together - there was nothing to be ashamed about. If I could, I would have given Kawakaze my deepest thanks, for I could sense that Harusame's mind was quickly becoming flooded with discouragement and embarrassment, and she would have therefore lost her motivation to train had it not been for Kawakaze's intervention. Kawakaze had Suzukaze train the Germans while she herself helped Harusame practice diligently, encouraging her and pushing her to try harder as the hours passed. It took some five hours, but Harusame was finally able to regain her sense of combat movement again, just like before - before I usurped her body.

How ironic is it that I had no need for combat movement because my body had no legs? Reality truly is a harsh headmistress. But my own personal pitfalls aside, it was very uplifting to sense Harusame's slowly accumulating sense of confidence and self-esteem as she kept training, regaining her skills once more. It is very good to know that my interference did not negatively impact Harusame's ability to fight in any permanent fashion.

Once Suzukaze finally finished training with the German destroyers and set them off on their own so that they could continue drilling themselves in what they had learned with their own simulations, Kawakaze invited Suzukaze and Harusame (and me too, through corollary) to join her simulation lobby to show us something cool. When we joined, Kawakaze proceeded to demonstrate her new powers as allotted to her via her new Firewater Protocol, and both Harusame and Suzukaze were wowed by her new powers. I, too, was surprised by just how potent Kawakaze's new protocol makes her be. The flames she produces are strong and bright, and she can produce them telekinetically, meaning that her firepower (literally) is most likely a case of pyrokinesis - which raises the question of how she is able to telekinetically produce flames. If she does not have to come directly in contact with an object to set it ablaze, what is she doing to do just that? Perhaps an invisible agent? Remote ignition? But if so, how? This must be another one of those things where it's better just not to think about it; the point is, Kawakaze can now use the element of fire and have it as an active part of her arsenal. Truly, "firepower" is only the start of the amount of puns she can make.

Fortunately, because this was a simulation we were a part of, Kawakaze was able to practice incorporating her Firewater Protocol into different approach strategies in combat. Recruiting her sisters' help, Kawakaze spent a good amount of time exploring her new combat options with her newfound abilities, but the problem that I could see with them is that Kawakaze is only considering the offensive options of her powers, because she only practiced such offensive tactics and uses of her protocol today; she completely neglected to explore the defensive options or utility options of her protocol, and her sisters also neglected to remind her to do so. For example, Kawakaze discovered that her flames can burn for up to thirty seconds on the water's surface if she puts the greatest amount of power into a single telekinetic flame burst. This means that Kawakaze can help defend her allies and friends when it is time to retreat by casting a wall of strong flames that burn high into the air and create an even taller wall of distorting smoke to obscure enemy vision and make it harder for us Abyssals to target and fire at the retreating ship girls. Another defensive example of Kawakaze's Firewater is to have Kawakaze herself create a maze of fire to trap enemies into, and this can be used either offensively or defensively, either to break up enemy fleet formations or to lure enemy forces into a fire trap, where they can consequently get shelled by friendly forces all at once. And because we know, through Kawakaze's combat simulations, that her flames are in fact potentially lethal to us Abyssals, I think that traps made of fire can be devastating to any fleet formation, because it forces individuals to become separated at the threat of being burned.

I could list a few more examples of just how diversely Kawakaze's new powers can be used, but unfortunately, Kawakaze herself is narrow-minded when it comes to thinking of tactics like this and has only been coming up with aggressive, direct ways in which to use her strength. In addition, judging by the nature of the simulations, Kawakaze appears to be much more interested in using her protocol as a strength enhancer for her melee abilities. By incorporating flames onto her fists and feet, Kawakaze is now able to throw punches of fire and kicks of fire. While these are great because they obviously enhance Kawakaze's close-range battle competence and make her a deadly threat to us Abyssals due to their threat of setting anyone she touches on fire, I feel that this will make her the number one target for any Abyssal fleet. Kawakaze does in fact appear very much so conspicuous when she ran her simulations, and just like I'd thought, the Abyssal enemies targeted her by far the most out of her, Suzukaze, and Harusame. It's very difficult to say that Kawakaze cannot be the prime target in the battlefield with all of her flashy bright punches and kicks and fire usage. I do think that Kawakaze should remain a little reserved with her power and try to blend in more with her allies so that she does not take all of the incoming fire by herself and give herself more chances to get sunk with a single attack. Besides the flashiness, as mentioned, Kawakaze must work on expanding her fire tactics so that her entire playbook of Firewater strategies does not entirely rest on offensive options - I do think the majority of her strategies can indeed remain offensive, because Kawakaze is an outgoing character and has a very assertive personality, but she needs to be as flexible as possible while still maintaining her aggressive edge so that she is not left completely helpless when there comes a time her offensive tactics do her no good in combat. The last thing she needs to be sunk in the very next battle she participates in because her offensive strategies become shut down by a counter-aggressive push by us Abyssals, or, even worse, captured and dissected for examination of her protocol. And because no one has told her to do this, I can only hope that Kawakaze eventually comes to realize this on her own before it is too late.

Towards the end of her personal training simulations, however, Kawakaze accidentally stumbled upon something very interesting while she was rounding out her training simulation with a few last combat maneuvers against a small squad of simulated Abyssal destroyers. She alerted her sisters while still inside her simulation: it seemed that Kawakaze discovered a trick to completely deflect her own momentum in any direction and immediately and instantly redirect herself in any other direction she wished. She explained that by planting her feet, either one foot or both, into the water, pivoting that foot or both feet into the direction that she wanted to turn very quickly (she said she found on average the timing of her feet repositioning to be between 0.1 and 0.3 seconds), and emitting a small boost from the back of each ankle, she could change her direction instantly without any delay in recovering whatsoever, and she demonstrated this for us to prove that she was not making this up. The appearance that she made doing this trick looked quite strange, because according to this world's laws of physics, such a phenomenon is impossible, so Suzukaze justifiably suggested that perhaps this was just a personal glitch produced via Kawakaze's personal simulations, so Kawakaze challenged her sisters to repeat this trick in their own simulations. And to everyone's surprise, both Suzukaze and even Harusame were able to replicate this "glitch" in their own personal simulation lobbies, and Suzukaze herself, upon trying and successfully replicating the trick, admitted that this trick was extremely fun to do because it felt like she was ice-skating on water. Poor Harusame, though. Although she too was able to replicate it flawlessly, she, being the most incompetent of the three in combat maneuvers, ended up being unable to control the sudden instant shift in her direction vector that she ended up tripping each time and flattening her face against the water.

But at least with Harusame's efforts, we knew that this trick is at least not a personal simulation glitch. Suzukaze suggested instead that it might be a glitch with the program itself and said that she would report this to the developers, but upon returning, Suzukaze announced to us that this was no glitch within the ALMA program...meaning that this trick can actually be replicated in real time. So they tried it without having their simulations active in our flooded training facility, and to our great surprise, this trick still worked. Unfortunately, our training time was drawing to a close and we needed to return home, so we were unable to share it with the others, so Kawakaze had her sisters promise her not to tell anyone until tomorrow, when they would reveal it to their sisters and their German friends all at once to amaze them, kind of like a party trick. Harusame disagreed and said that we ought to tell everyone about this trick, because it is obvious that this is a very powerful tool to use to enhance everyone's combat maneuvers - the ability to deflect one's own momentum into any direction they wish will infinitely improve the combat mobility of any ship girl who cares to learn it, and thus infinitely increases their survivability in combat. But Kawakaze and Suzukaze promised they would tell the others about it tomorrow, that they wouldn't sit on it for long.

While preparing for bed, as Shigure and Samidare were further discussing fleet tactics with Bismarck and Graf Zeppelin, the two German capital ship girls, Kawakaze, Suzukaze, and Harusame discussed what kind of a name they should give their new trick. Suzukaze came up with the name "wavedashing", because every time a successful "wavedash" was properly executed, the pivot of the feet and the small boosts made to make the trick work basically made a small wave, either from one or both feet. Kawakaze and Harusame both liked the name, so the trick is now called "wavedashing".

But I now must worry: if the ship girls can perform this wavedashing trick, what are the chances at we Abyssals are able to do so?

Well, with the exception of me, of course.


	29. Incompetency

Harusame spent all of today training very hard.

It started this morning when Harusame came down in the morning to the kitchen area and saw Samidare sitting at the dining table talking very intently with the German carrier Graf Zeppelin. At first Harusame only paid them a glancing amount of attention, happy that her younger sister was being so productive and helpful. But as breakfast time dragged on, I sensed that Harusame could not help but to keep noticing the fact that Samidare and Graf Zeppelin were very concentrated and focused on their discussion, which was about advanced carrier battle tactics, if my eavesdropping so serves me correctly. It did not _bother_ Harusame, per se, but the fact that her sister was working so diligently even during breakfast time, a time when normally everyone could simply relax and talk and socialize like an ordinary group of friends, did sit in the back of her mind, and I could sense this all too easily.

Because at that point, Harusame was becoming more and more discouraged, if only by a little amount over time. Was it a sense of shame? Or was it a sense of incompetency? I personally believe it to be a mixture of the two, but there is more of the sense of incompetency because there the incompetency is twofold: Harusame felt inferior both because of the fact that even Samidare, who was considered the other meek and shy Shiratsuyu-Class destroyer here, was clearly and unabashedly working hard to help their new friends and because of the fact that Samidare was her younger sister, and that she was outperforming her in every way possible. Of course, Harusame could understand that Samidare, both being a ranked ship girl and a veteran destroyer, would always have to be working hard. But at the same time, if Samidare was putting up such an example for the rest of them, shouldn't Harusame, being the older sister, try to replicate that? Or, at the very least, set an example herself as well? Harusame was feeling pressured by her own thoughts, not even by the words or statements of anyone else. And much of the pressure she was giving herself stemmed from the fact that, perhaps objectively, she is the weakest and most incompetent destroyer among her sisters. And worst of all, Harusame herself did not know what her best combat strength was. Every one of her sisters had a strength: Shigure can fight extremely well and has a protocol to further augment her strength if need be, Samidare is very intelligent and is clearly very knowledgeable in many different kinds of fleet tactics and maneuvers for all ship types and situations due to her veteran status and experience, Kawakaze is also very strong and can fight very well, and like Shigure, has her own protocol to augment her strength further, and Suzukaze, while not having any clearly visible strength, at least can fight well herself and trains and drills with enthusiasm and skill. Even for the German fleet, this also applies: all of the German ship girls are clearly well disciplined, and by the result of _self-_ disciplinary actions and drills, as well.

Virtually everyone else sitting at the dining table eating breakfast could do everything better than Harusame. And as soon as Harusame realized this, she became very sad, and she started feeling useless. If she had no visible strength, if she had nothing to offer to their combined fleet here in Germany in terms of combat strength and skill or even simple tactical knowledge, then what was she even doing here? Did she even belong here? Was she just being dead weight, an obligation, a liability? And why did her developers even bother sending her with everyone else to Germany? What did they see in her that she could not that made her presence here justified, validated, etc.?

Harusame struggled to find such an answer on our way over to the training facilities today as well. Surprisingly, for having so much mental strife going on inside her head, Harusame managed to keep a straight face for the entire way over, so I do not think anyone noticed the troubled nature of my host body on our way there. But when we reentered the training facility, Harusame found a temporary answer in training.

Her answer was to train and drill herself as much as she could, but she started off overreaching, trying to replicate the same combat simulations as Kawakaze and Suzukaze were running to train. You can imagine how well that went: with Harusame having nowhere near the combat maneuverability or prowess as either of her younger sisters, a one-on-ten scenario against ten Abyssal destroyers proved too much for Harusame, and she now holds the dubious recognition of being the only ship girl among both the German and Japanese fleets so far to be forced out of her own simulation for being unable to complete her objective...in other words, those ten simulated Abyssal destroyers sank her in that scenario, and Harusame was only able to take out four of them before being overwhelmed. Kawakaze and Suzukaze noticed this first, but they just laughed sympathetically at Harusame's mistake at first because they thought she'd accidentally loaded up the wrong simulation. I could tell they did not mean any harm or ridicule with their laughter, but Harusame interpreted their laughter in the complete opposite way.

For the first time that I can remember existing inside of Harusame's mind, I sensed a bubbling sense of anger...which is alarming. Harusame's personality codex is not predisposed to producing anger or having Harusame feel anger. It is not that it is impossible for her, I do not think, but this was not normally a situation in which Harusame would feel angry; her normal response should have been to laugh awkwardly with her sisters and head back into training. But all of the turbulent thoughts and doubts and feelings of incompetency in her head were enough to cause her personality codex to execute a run-time error and produce anger instead of awkward embarrassment, and so when Kawakaze and Suzukaze went back to training with each other and with the other German destroyers, Harusame silently continued to train on her own, steadily increasing the difficulty of her own simulated combat scenarios from one-on-tens to one-on-thirteens, then one-on-fifteens, then one-on-twenties...

Shigure was the first to notice Harusame's erratic but silent behavior and realize that there was something wrong with her. By this point, Harusame was trying to simulate one-on-fifty battle scenarios, even though she had failed out of every single simulation she had created for herself up to that point, and Shigure caught her being forced out of that one. She went over to us and asked Harusame what she was doing, because normally Harusame never trains to the extent of sweating through her uniform; it's strange for ship girls to even sweat that much in the first place. Maybe after an entire day of nonstop training, but Shigure found Harusame like this a mere three hours into the day. So Shigure, curious to see what her sister was up to, checked Harusame's combat simulation logs. I watched her eyes nearly pop out of her head when they read all of the absurdly difficult simulations Harusame was running on herself. She urgently asked Harusame what was wrong, but quietly enough so that no one else was aware of what was going on. Harusame refused to answer at first, but Shigure took her aside to the lounge outside of the training room and pleaded with Harusame to tell her what was going on, otherwise for her sake, she would be compelled to report this to their developers so that they could see what was going wrong with her.

So Harusame in turn felt compelled to reveal her thoughts - but because her slowly boiling anger in her mind had to be deleted suddenly and needed something to fill the emotional void that it left behind, her personality codex's response was to execute lines that produced those same feelings of incompetency from before, and Harusame's natural response to this was an overwhelming sense of sadness and depression. She began to cry in front of her older sister and admitted that she was by far the weakest of them all, that she had no strengths that could compare with all of the other things her sisters were good at, that she wasn't even that great of a ship girl herself. She told Shigure that she did not understand what she was doing here if she had neither the strength/combat talent or the tact like everyone else had. That was why she was running such brutal training simulations on herself, because she was desperate to find a way to make herself stronger in a short period of time to justify her place among her sisters, to prove to herself that she was not totally useless being with everyone else here.

Thankfully, Shigure was able to comfort Harusame and calm her down. Shigure told Harusame that she was not dead weight. There was something everyone was good at - the only difference that Harusame has that should be considered important at all is the fact that she might just need some more time to figure out what her strength is, to find out what she's good at. And training by itself did not mean everything, either. Training can only prepare them by so much; live combat was another beast altogether. Perhaps Harusame would be able to prove herself in actual combat - but Harusame pointed out that even during the few naval battles she had participated in with the Okinawa fleet earlier in the year, she did not do anything special. Shigure assured her that she would find something, and that if she could not, the rest of her sister would be all too willing to help train her so that she can find that something.

Shigure kept embracing Harusame during all that time of counseling. Harusame was subconsciously amplifying the warmth her older sister was emanating so much that even I could feel it, even though I had my sensory connection disabled at the time. Was this what humans considered "love"? This warmth that is so warm, never too hot but never threatening to cool? Would an Abyssal like me, with pale skin and cold eyes, even know what that is? It felt very similar to basking on the beach of our little island underneath an afternoon sun, but I could sense that this warmth was a little different than natural sunlight. And were ship girls like Shigure and Harusame able to produce and sense this thing called "love"? If so, perhaps...I, too, can sense a little bit of it...?

Whichever the case, Shigure calmed Harusame down enough to return her back to the training room without letting anybody else know what had happened. Harusame returned to her usual self again, but I fear that if Harusame deteriorates back down to that level again, simply comforting her will not be enough. For Harusame, simply being told that she was good at _something_ was not enough...at least, I doubt it is enough. She will want to know what she is good at, and if not soon, then eventually. If there ever comes a time when she goes through a traumatic experience, for example, watching a sister of hers sink, then this will reawaken her desire to become strong, and it will do so with a vengeance.

But for now, Harusame and all of her sisters are bathing together in the large bathtub in the home of the Wedekinds. I wonder if this warmth of bathtub water can also classify as "love" too. Although, this being said, I should think this is not exactly the kind of "love" from before...


	30. Unfair

Harusame overheard Shigure and Samidare talking about her episode yesterday but did not show herself, instead amplifying her hearing so that she could listen to them from afar while they spoke privately in the living room. I'm rather surprised Samidare and Shigure forgot to check their surroundings with their sensors; they would have easily detected Harusame eavesdropping, but I suppose sometimes that fails our memory.

Harusame could understand Shigure's intention of not wanting to reopen old wounds, but at the same time, it would have been nice if she could let Samidare come talk to her just so that she could have another person to talk to about it. At the very least, Harusame knows now that Samidare really wanted to come talk to her, so if in the event that Harusame has another episode like this, she knows that Samidare is someone she can go talk to. Of course, she knew that she could have simply approached Samidare anytime today and revealed to her about how she eavesdropped on them, but not only would that be a little awkward, Harusame herself cannot seem to scrounge up the motivation to go to Samidare herself to talk to her in the first place. The episode she had yesterday was really embarrassing, even if her sisters told her not to think it as such, because she considers it highly immature of her to get angry and worked up over an issue of incompetency - or, more specifically getting angry over the fact that she was not as strong as her sisters. In a fleet of ship girls, there is bound to be some who more noticeably stronger than others, and those who are noticeably weaker than others; that is just how things work. And never was it a competition at all to see who could become the strongest; it is not as though Kawakaze or Shigure _asked_ to be the strongest, that is just how things turned out.

So thankfully, Harusame episode is resolved... _mostly_ resolved. As stated yesterday, I do sense that there is a possibility of Harusame opening up this old wound if something drastic occurs, but at least for right now, she is in no danger of having another episode, and plus, she knows she has the support of her sisters so long as she takes the time to go talk to them...though, of course, actually getting herself to talk to her sisters is the real question.

Surprisingly, Harusame did things I did not expect her to do: today, during training, she sought the advice of the two German destroyers, Leberecht Maass and Max Schultz, and asked of them their thoughts on the role of a wounded or incapacitated destroyer in a naval battle. While the two Germans did not understand the true reasoning behind Harusame's question, I did: she was trying to ask them what they would do if they became weak and unable to fight back properly, much as Harusame feels of her own combat ability as of now. Harusame figured that by asking the two other destroyers who were not her sisters, both of whom were very skilled and clearly well-trained destroyers, would give her the purest form of feedback she could get; if she were to ask her own sisters, there was a strong possibility of their advice being muddled with sisterly love that she was not looking for or want as a response for this type of question.

Leberecht Maass, or Lebe, said that she would become a sort of makeshift radar tower for the rest of the fleet. If she was incapacitated and could not fight back properly but had the support of the rest of her fleet to keep her safe and shielded from enemy attacks, she would focus her efforts into spotting for the rest of the fleet. Even if her own destroyer peripherals were not as strong as, say, Graf's or Bismarck's, they being capital ships and thus having the best peripheral range and detection capabilities than destroyers, there was always a chance that the two capital ship girls would miss a signature or two that could lead to a dangerous flank attack or ambush, so being that watchful third eye, so to speak, would help close any blind spots in the fleet's detection field. In addition, because ship girls can remotely check on the conditions of other nearby ally ship girls for them, Lebe said that she would also make sure all of her friends and allies are fighting in accordance with their health status: those with serious wounds needed to be fighting away from the front lines, while the healthier ship girls needed to be fighting up front. And if someone was fighting with heavy damage up in the front lines or off by herself, Lebe would call that out and order whoever that was to fall back to the rest of the fleet to make sure they were not doing anything reckless that could get themselves damaged even further or, worse, sunk.

Max Schultz, or Max, said that she would never become incapacitated to the point where she could no longer fight. That did not help Harusame at all. The way in which she said this, too, was so nonchalant that neither Harusame nor her sister Lebe could utter any sort of response. Max is very confident...perhaps the success of the first battle against my kind has inebriated her with confidence. How I wish to remind her that while such is necessary for the outcome of a battle, overconfidence is a slow and insidious killer...and she will never know if she herself is next on the list.

Regardless, the advice from her new German destroyer comrades gave Harusame somewhat of a renewed motivation to continue training, just not as harshly and Spartan-like as before, of course. Knowing that destroyers do indeed have some ability to continue being relevant in a fight even if she herself is weak, Harusame's self-esteem restored itself over the course of training today, which is relieving to know. By accessing Harusame's memories, I do know that she had taken more of a supply role and support role in the fleet she a part of in Okinawa, rather than directly getting involved in any sort of major firefight unless she had no such choice. Was that why she felt so strongly about feeling so incompetently weak and unskilled? Because she did not have the option of being a fleet supplier here in Germany? Perhaps I should have thought of this sooner.

Upon returning to the Wedekind household, we found the proprietors of the household returned from their expedition to England, already having set out a lavish feast meant for only the most royal of kings and queens...we _are_ in Europe, after all. Royalty aside, after a large dinner of exquisite German cuisine, everyone enjoyed themselves on a calm evening playing all kinds of games that fascinated me. Humans played these things called board games for amusement and entertainment...while the concept of "entertainment" is known to us Abyssals, the fact that humans have created objects and entire games and systems with which to facilitate their sensual reception of the concept of "fun" is mind-boggling to me, yet it surprisingly works for all of us, even me. I learned how to play games like chess, checkers, backgammon, Uno, poker, among others. Coming from a brief life in which the only such "games" I knew were more considered to be pranks, most notably Re-Class going around and intentionally grabbing other Ri-Class' ankles with her tail, human games and entertainment seem infinitely more refined and sophisticated, and their aim is to have everyone participating have fun. Such a novel idea.

Harusame did interact with the daughter of the household, a one-year-old human baby girl named Retia, for much of the evening, however. Harusame and her sisters had met little Retia when they first arrived in Germany; however, among them, Harusame seemed to be the one with whom Retia wished to interact with the most, which both flattered and embarrassed Harusame, but she was happy all the same. Prinz Eugen, the German heavy cruiser, helped Harusame familiarize herself with Retia's tendencies, such as her fondness of hair - little Retia apparently always tried to chew on the German ship girls' hair, and the same held true for Harusame, as Retia at several intervals already has attempted to gnaw on Harusame's pink hair. To be fair, Prinz Eugen said, at least Harusame's hair looked tasty to eat, probably. Maybe to a baby...maybe.

Suzukaze, the youngest of the Japanese destroyers, joined Harusame when Prinz Eugen departed with Mrs. Wedekind to go make some snacks for everyone to help her look after little Retia, who was at that point napping in Harusame's lap. Suzukaze asked if Harusame was still having fun, even though all she'd done for the majority of the evening was look after the baby, and Harusame responded that she was. For her, taking care of Retia was actually more fun than she thought, and I can vouch for Harusame that she is telling the truth. Suzukaze said that she was honestly impressed by Harusame's ability to handle taking care of a baby, because she could never imagine herself babysitting anybody. She theorized that perhaps this was simply due to a difference in personality, that perhaps Harusame is more personally attuned to looking after small children and nurturing them, she and her own sister Samidare both. Harusame insisted that Suzukaze, too, could learn how to take care of a small child, that it was not so hard, but Suzukaze declined. She still remained with Harusame for a while, though, because evidently she had been banned for the rest of an ongoing poker game because she kept raising the pot needlessly all the time, and it got rather annoying for some of the Germans.

Harusame asked Suzukaze if it was possible for them to have a life like this after their careers as ship girls. If this was how ordinary human beings lived, then why would they ever settle for lives as ship girls? Why would anyone prefer the grittiness, the brutality, and the unforgiving circumstances of a life as a ship girl when they could simply have quiet, happy lives as ordinary human beings? It didn't make sense to Harusame. And, it also seemed unfair that humans could lead such carefree lives like little Retia, whose only major concerns in life are when she's going to be fed and when her diapers need to be changed. In comparison, ship girls like Harusame and Suzukaze were constructed as is. They never had stages like normal humans, where they first were born as babies and then grew steadily into teenagehood and adulthood. Technically, they are all perhaps the same age or around the same age as Retia - but they were constructed, not born, and constructed with the purpose of fighting the Abyssals, a purpose that was predetermined for them out of their control. Retia was born because her parents wanted a child and build a family. And by putting these two very different backgrounds together side by side, Harusame said that she couldn't help but feel that somehow, this was all really unfair, just like how she had been the only one to be captured at the Abyssal attack on the Okinawa forward base and be turned into an Abyssal.

Suzukaze could not answer that entirely, but she simply replied that lots of things were unfair. Suzukaze herself admitted that she is still quite envious of the power that their sisters Shigure and Kawakaze have that make them stand out from the rest of them. She always found it unfair that she herself was the youngest sister of them all, meaning that, in accordance with Confucian familial virtue, she would have to obey everything all of her sisters ever asked of her or told her to do. And most of all, she found it really unfair that she had actually been sunk, and that she had no memory of this because she was a reconstructed copy of the Suzukaze who sank in our ambush attack at Yokosuka Naval Yards. Lots of things were unfair, Suzukaze said, and everyone had things that they thought was unfair. Harusame, not knowing that Suzukaze had those kinds of feelings too, realized that she was very much so neglecting the feelings of her sisters - she could not be the only one who felt things were unfair, so she apologized to Suzukaze, saying that she failed to take into account the perspectives of everyone else. Suzukaze said that it was alright, that there was nothing to apologize for. What they would make out of their own individual lives from here on out was what really mattered, she said. And hopefully, they too can earn these quiet, happy lives that Harusame was starting to yearn for.

A quiet, happy life...I wonder if an Abyssal like me will know what that means.


End file.
